Splitting bills in a relationship

[Teaandcakes8]

Hi, just wondering how other people split their bills in a relationship where one earns more than the other.

I have always earned more than my partner, when we initially got together 20 years ago it was slightly more (about 5%) but now it’s around 60%.

Due to me being the higher earner, I’ve always paid the bills the only thing my partner pays for is the food shop (it’s only the 2 of us). I like most have felt the pinch recently & I’ve spoken to my partner about contributing towards the bills.

My partner isn’t great with money but seems to find enough of it to buy plenty of clothes, shoes, products, books but never enough to contribute more to the household bills. I’m getting fed up of everything being left to me. How do other people work it in this situation? What would be a fair contribution given the difference in earnings?

We put all our money into the joint account minus £400 a month each as 'fun' money. Me for hair, nails, PT etc, him for clothes, nights out with mates, gaming. He earns about 15% more than me, but until recently it was 30% more. He wouldnt think it fair for me to have less money than him as we are both responsible for the house, children etc and are a partnership. We are married, but did the same before we were married.

Do you have kids ?

And you are not married ?

I am normally a huge fan of all in one pot and equal spends to each person into their own accounts but for you I think I would recommend a joint account that you contribute to in the percentage of your earnings, your take home pay I mean.
And the all household bills and food and so on from this account. What’s left is then your own, so you will have a lot more left than him.

My partner earns a lot more then me and we have kids.

He pays 85% of the bills.
I pay the other 15%.

That still leaves him with over a grand a month in his account after bills.

I get left with about £700

We've always worked it out that we have the same 'spare' money each month after bills and food. Any extra costs we split 50/50 (like school trips etc) because we have the same left over.

Proportionally this means I pay around 75% to his 25% but it feels fair and works for us because neither of us want a joint bank account. It's one of the few well functioning parts of our relationship to be honest!

Thank you for your replies / suggestions. We are married, we haven’t been lucky enough to be blessed with children unfortunately, so it is just the 2 of us.

My partner suffers with depression, it’s quite bad at times but I’m doing too much & I’m starting to resent it, which isn’t healthy for either of us. We don’t work as a team & we need to change this but I know I can’t pile too much responsibility on at once.

I’ve been thinking a shared account might be a good start. We can both put money in & pay towards bills etc. I know I’ll pay more as I earn more but I think I’d feel better & a bit more supported this way.

To be frank you should both be putting all your salaries into the joint account and taking equal spends after all bills are paid. That is if you are a committed couple rather than 2 people just happening to co-exist.

Why advocate a different approach in this case

also we don’t know op is female…

I’m an advocate of paying in proportion to earnings, so better off pays more, but each party still has their own account and privacy /control over that

Between us we put enough to cover bills plus a bit extra in a joint account every month. He puts a couple of hundred more in than me as he earns more. Any other joint expenses - food shop, pub, takeaway, etc - one of us will pay and the other will transfer half the money across. Works for us.

What would happen if your partner had an accident and could no longer work? Would you leave them?

What if it was you that had the accident would you expect to be dumped because the other “partner” didn’t want to take up the slack?

Should a husband get annoyed and when his wife is on maternity leave and not earning?

If your husband isn't good with money, don't have a joint account. I would suggest you are both open with what you have coming in and all bills going out.

In your position I would say you want him to pay X bills and you will pay Y bills in proportion to your earnings. Ideally if you are the sensible one, pay the most important ones so you know they are done.

@FloydPepper
there is a big difference of 60% in the earning power, and the lower earner seems to be just taking for granted that the higher earner will,pay everything, and they only have to buy food. So only spending about £300-£400 a month on food.
even on minimum wage this leaves loads and loads left over to buy the shoes, clothes and other stuff the OP mentions.

it’s hard to talk about money, but for the lower earner to never ask if they need to pay in more seems at best cheeky and at worst calculating

50/50 here for bills and we set aside a set amount to save each month. Rest is ours to do as we please.

If we need something for DC we just let each other know how much and transfer half.

Works for us. No issues.

We're in the same situation as you (child free partners in a committed long term relationship).

All our income goes into a joint account - in the past I've often earned 2/3 times what DP earned, but my income stagnated while his increased and now we earn about the same.

All our bills and other joint costs are paid from the joint account (including groceries, car costs, joint savings, anything that's essential and shared) and we both get a 50/50 transfer of spare money to a personal account that we can use for hobbies, clothes, work lunches, nights out with friends, that sort of thing.

It sounds like it's a prioritisation issue - 'clothes, shoes, products, books' are things that you buy after household bills, other essentials including pensions, emergency funds, and savings for joint/essential/priorities like car replacement, holidays etc have been covered.

If you can't cover essentials and joint extras like holidays, you need to work out how to share the money out, but remembering that you can only spend each pound once, and spare money for non essentials needs to be spent 50/50. Just because one person can spend for England doesn't entitle then to take all the spare money for themselves.

This is exactly what we do, except we've recently upped it to £500.

Different people do it differently. We have a joint account for bills which we both put a ratio of our salary in its 65/35 based on my wage being more then my DHs by quite a way.
Anything left after that in our individual accounts is ours to do as we please. It works for us as I prefer saving chunks whereas my DH spends more each month. Any joint thing like holidays is mostly 50/50 (unless I really want a last minute trip) not from the joint account.
We both have about equal percentages of salary left, have a joint savings account and individual savings accounts (and earn better interest that way)

I'm the higher earner. We each pay in to a joint account that covers mortgage, bills. He pays for food shopping. I pay for holidays, kids activities and clothes, phones, dog, school lunches.

It all works out in the wash we have about the same amount left over.

I'd never want to not have my own account.

Thank you everyone for you replies, it’s appreciated!

I’m not expecting my partner to pay 50% of everything, I earn a lot more but I know they could contribute more than they do. Our priorities are very different, I can’t remember the last time I bought myself something, the bills come first & it’s now just assumed that I’ll pay.

I think the shared account for the bills & also our own accounts for personal money, is the way forward.

He should be paying around 35-40% share of bills. Then you'd also have to pay your proportion of food shop- 60/65%.

I think at marriage/children, money should be pooled.

Put the same % of take home into the pot each. Leaving you with pin money proportional to earnings. The "pot" could be a joint bills account for food , utilities council tax home insurance broadband TV etc
The % needs to be worked out to cover all bills plus additional expenses eg to build up a bill buffer of 3 months min in case of emergencies, cover Xmas, birthdays, a holiday fund, appliance breakdown etc
If you have cars insurance and servicing / repair can be paid out from this too but it's best to pay in monthly in advance of having to pay out ime