I have a spending problem.

[RicciardoPerez]

Hello, my name is RicciardoPerez, and I have a spending problem.

All humour aside, I have always buried my head in the sand with it. I buy stuff for the sake of it. Usually clothes, make up, utter crap and lately, coins for the royal match game. I totalled it up this morning (the app game spending) and I've spent £175 in 90 days on it.

I'm lucky and thankful my husband bailed me out yet again with my next account and PayPal credit. So as of now, I owe nothing and I'd like to keep it that way.

We've sorted out our finances and now have a personal pot each of £250 to spend on whatever we want each month. Everything else, inc savings, food shop, petrol and all bills come out of joint account, so now I want to learn how to stop spending for the sake of it and make the £250 a month actually last.

Can anyone suggest any tips or websites that I can look at to stop my spending?

Another thing, I have been prescribed sertraline recently for my anxiety and I wonder if that might help with the compulsiveness of it all?

Feel a lot of people have an issue of buying stuff they don’t need to fill another need - people get very judgy about it but honestly most people do it. If you consider spending to be a bad coping mechanism for something (eg anxiety) then doing something else that is better than spending is the aim. You’re not alone, absolutely compulsive over spender - not in debt but should have saved more than I have for years.

Following for ideas really, in my case I definitely use spending to cope with bad feelings.

Also following for tips. I am a nightmare when it comes to money.

Split the £250, immediately put £50 in a savings account. Take out £50 in cash each Monday and that has to last you to the next Monday. Each day you can only spend £7 and any unspent money from previous days. If you want to spend on a weekend then you have to save up.

Setting a daily and weekly allowance means you have to make a series of small decision each day, do I buy a coffee now or have a meal out on Friday.

@Tippingadvice
Cash thing is nigh on impossible in many places now. Many places are card only.

Its a good idea otherwise.

Well that's a good thing then - the OP will find it harder to spend money!

Delete Royal Match from your phone now!

If it is done for the dopamine hit, then it is a form of addiction. Tackle it like you would trying to manage and overcome any other addiction. Have a cold turkey phase where you go for a few days without spending anything at all on unnecessary items, and really try to notice what is going on inside you. Do you keep grabbing your phone to browse shops or heading out? What thoughts and feelings do you have when you don’t follow through on that impulse? Can you tolerate those feelings and thoughts? Is there a more wholesome alternative you could do in that moment instead?

I take out spare cash so I don’t spend it, plenty places take it but I find it much harder to spend and it’s not there to use. I do the same, fritter it away my bedroom is bulging with crap I don’t need or doesn’t fit.
ridiculous but it’s out of control so moving the money into cash helps massively.

Exactly

I think this is massively common

Could OP get a prepay visa to navigate the cashless places?

Cash is best as you know exactly what you are spending.

Just a question (stand down lynch mob) - ADHD has over spending, poor money management, addictions (that coin game..!) in its behaviour profile - yes, other issues also do but in women it is often misdiagnosed as anxiety, ocd etc. - have a quick look somewhere like ADDitude and see if their money handling advice speaks to you

I have the opposite problem, dislike spending (wasting) money, apart from in food occasionally.

I know I shouldn't be like this, as its just pixels on a screen unless I buy something something tangible. For me it's linked to my experiences, grew up in a household where money was right. So maybe start to think about why you like spending money, does it give you a short-term fleeting moment of joy? Do you use the things you buy?

Consider getting a Monzo or Starling account just for your monthly spending money.

You can set up separate "pots" - think of them as separate accounts withn your account. You could have a pot with your monthly amount, and then set it to automatically transfer a daily allowance for you to spend. You can also set up virtual debit cards so you can have a different card for different pots (max. 5 virtual cards), and this may help with money spending the money you're allowing yourself.

I was terrible with money until I got a Monzo account last year, I have ADHD and autism and have struggle my whole life. It's totally transformed me, and even though I am seriously skint due to being on disability benefits, I've actually managed to build a (very) small emergency fund. I thought it was bollocks and would never work when someone suggested it, but never say never!

I challenge myself to have no spend days, I also think “oh, that’s £40. I need to work x amount of hours to pay for that”. Makes me really step back and think sometime about if I really want something. All money not spent from my monthly budget gets transferred to saving at payday, and I start fresh with next months budget.

I have a list in my phone where every time I want to buy something that isn't essential I don't buy it but add it and the cost.

It looks something like this

September
Dress £50
Costa Coffee £5
Takeaway £25
Uniqlo Bag £15

Month running total £95

Sometimes I go back and buy something on the list and have to remove it.

So far I didn't spend £700+ in August, £500+ in September and so far in October £200+

The fact I have saved, or even not spent more than £1000 in three months is really motivating.

Writing things down and taking time to think is making me more considered in my spending.
Don't get me wrong I could make further cuts but if something goes on the list and I still really want it and can afford it a week later I make an informed decision.

I really like this idea, might have to adopt it 😀

Invest in YNAB (You Need A Budget). You start to get a dopamine hit with every penny you save, every bit of debt you start to pay off, and when you spend knowing you have enough in the bank to cover it.

There's a 45-day free trial. It takes a bit of getting used to, but there are a lot of great tutorials on YouTube. It has turned my financial life around.

The problem isn’t helped by your DP bailing you out. If you always have someone to enable you, there isn’t really an incentive to tackle the problem, is there? The people I know who budget best are those who absolutely have to. They have no partner, parents or savings account to fall back on. They’re on their own and will be homeless if they don’t control themselves.

@SharonTheHappySquirrel - honestly it has completely changed my spending habits.
Don't get me wrong - I haven't gone full frugal - I could save more. Today I ordered a new dress - but it had been on my list for weeks and I decided I wasn't buying it on a whim but I really wanted it.

Seeing the amount I didn't spend is giving me the same kick that buying things does.

Delete any games with micotransactions. They are akin to financial drug pushers. Literally designed to milk people with low self control - it's horrible. If you enjoy gaming and it helps you relax, fine, but there are any number of superior (outstanding) games which are purchased once, then zero demands/need for further cash. £175/90d is vast. Where, when and why do you think you are doing it (if you don't mind me asking)?