How to change mindset from spending to saving/paying off debt?

[TOWGA]

We both need to change mindsets from spending to paying off debt/eventually saving? Any tips? Thank you

Do you have a goal to aim for? We were in a simiar situation 10 years or so ago. For us the change was that we wanted to buy our own house nad had to get roughly £25k of savings to be in a position to do so. Having that target to aim for made it much more difficult to spend frivously.

Thanks aims for money going forward for the next 10 years are:

Debt free
Holiday abroad
Buy house

My advice would be to open a new bank account. Set goals for the amounts you want to save and by when, then work out how much you need to put into it each month to hit those goals. Good luck.

TL; DR: I went for 1-2 months without buying anything other than the supermarket shop at a discount supermarket. It kicked my shopaholic habit. Try it.

Long response: I always used to buy hair products, clothes and make up, but I stopped and told myself I would use what I have (e.g. if there was a new condition I 'had to try'). This helped kick my habit, I realised I didn't actually need or even enjoy all that stuff. It wasn't making me happy, it was just an addiction or craving I needed to scratch. Like other cravings, after you avoid them they diminish to nothing.

Do this for 2 months: No beauty treatments, hairdresser, clothes, beauty products, take aways, coffees, 'days out' etc etc etc. It doesn't actually make life more fun. Make your own sandwiches and coffee at home and go for a walk. Use up the shampoo and conditioner: cut the packet open to get out the last parts. Cancel Netflix, Disney Plus etc. Wear the clothes you have already. Pluck your own eyebrows and paint your natural nails (with the old nail varnish in the back of the draw). Keep your phone and go PAYG once the contract expires. Get rid of the HP car and buy an old banger. Share that old banger with your partner. See if you can work from home to cut down on commute costs. Walk, don't drive. Cut down on meat. If you want a take away, drive to the discount supermarket and buy one of their freezer meals - do this once per week maximum. Batch cook. Buy mince meat instead of full cuts. Chicken thigh fillets instead of chicken breast fillets. Buy spices and cook from scratch. Find cheap recipes - cottage pie, chilli con carne, curry. Stretch and bulk out meals with potatos, pulses, lentils (people make out as if it is awful, but it really isn't). Ditch ready meals. Put on an extra layer or two or three before putting on the heating. Dry clothes outside. Wash up in the sink instead of the dishwasher. Fire the cleaner and clean the house yourself. Stop taking the car to the car wash: wash it yourself or let it stay dirty.

OK I got carried away and some of those aren't '2-month' things. But hopefully you get the drift.

You'll get into a 'no spend' habit and wonder how you used to waste £100s per month on this shit. When you see other people telling you what they spend their money on you will feel shocked.

A friend was horrified when I suggested they make their child a cheap chilli con carne when they were short of cash "I would never do that to them". WFT I eat chilli all the time, it isn't "doing" anything to anyone.

Just seconding the suggestion to have some go-to “can’t be arsed” meals for when you’d otherwise default to a takeaway; so stuff that you literally just have to bung in an oven or the microwave. Not the healthiest but then again neither is the takeaway!

I second the mention of Dave Ramsey.

He says something like (paraphrasing here sorry) 'your income is your biggest asset in building wealth'. It really helped change the way I thought and suddenly paying off debt felt like a great, positive thing to do so we could free up out income.

I'm also a huge fan of the debt snowball method and paying off debts from smallest to largest, regardless of interest rate.

We were in the position of having our debt spread widely. £500 credit card here, £350 store card there, £1k on an overdraft etc etc. Starting the snowball and then seeing debts start to disappear was the most immensely satisfying thing. It did wonders for our motivation to continue.

How are you getting on OP? @TOWGA do you have a plan? Some good tips on this thread

I read advice years ago to put debit & credit cards in the freezer so there'd be less temptation to take them out and use them. I suppose you'd have to bag them first then put them in another big freezer bag with water!

It takes planning and financial discipline. £200 a month on takeaways is crazy especially if you don't own a house yet and have debt. Restrict yourself to maybe one a month and meal plan. It just takes a bit of thinking about. There are loads of meals you can cook which don't take long. Stir fries, pasta, risotto, batch cook a shepherds pie or lasagne and freeze.

Maybe post on MSE debt free wannabe forum.

Not sure how helpful it is but I did this recently - we're financially ok but I spend a lot on clothes, trainers etc and similar things for the kids and was getting frustrated at the constant cycle of credit cards, juggling cash around, using work bonuses to pay off debt so not actually seeing any of that money etc.
For me I just needed a 'hard' goal. We decided that we'd like the option of sending DC to private school in a few years time so out came the spreadsheets and the planning. I opened a savings account specifically for school fees and am now totally focused on putting a certain amount in that each month. If I can't do that did the next 3 years, we can't afford private school so that's my ultimatum to myself!
You maybe need to do something similar - move the cash away as soon as you're paid and learn to manage on what's left.

Another vote for following tbe Dave Ramsey approach

Definitely pre-empt the takeaways with supermarket ready meal equivalents. You can often get a meal deal for about £10 that would probably be enough for 2 adults and 2 small DC - might need to supplement if you eat large portions. Would save loads compared with a takeaway.

If your debt is costing you interest, try and transfer to 0% cards to all the money you pay goes towards your debts.

Try and reduce your other costs to make your money go as far as possible. A few pounds saved here and there can really add up to a lot.

Look at Moneysaving Expert. Start with the money makeover and do as many steps as possible. Then get the weekly email for regular little prompts about making the most of your money.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/

Go on to moneysaving expert.com. Do the motivator tool with that £200. Also if you buy lunch for work put that in, morning coffees etc. discretionary spend basically. You’ll probably find you have 250 pcm left over for debt repayment.

go through accounts, both of you and work out what you are really spending, remember to include Christmas, birthdays , car servicing, school uniforms,so annual spend not monthly spend.

plan to do something fun and cheap/free after you’ve addled your brain with that.

You have to both be on board. I went from about 8k in debt to having savings in 2 years…just from finally paying attention to what I was spending.

The mindset of someone who isn't a big spender is that you don't spend unless something is necessary or if you are above the breadline to be social or healthy or invest in yourself. That approach would help get rid of the debt.

Read up a few debt free wannabes especially on mse and fire financial independence retire early threads to see if anything there catches your attention.

The other way is to add up the money you have spent unnecessarily on takeaways and coffee out and anything else in the last year and it will almost certainly help you think about how much you could have avoided some or all the debt, had a holiday or start saving for a house.

Ultimately the only way to stay motivated is to genuinely consider it your priority and really want the things you have listed as your priority rather than the things you actually spend on.

I think it is very hard to change mindset though. Good luck

The other thing to think about is, as a PP says, you can only spend each pound once.

£20 spent on a takeaway is £20 less that's available to spend on a holiday for example.

Be aware of how frequent little spends add up. You might think 'it's only £20' but if you do it often enough, it adds up to a lot. You say you spend over £200 pm on takeaways, which could easily be £3k pa. That's your holiday budget right there.

As for being a saver or a spender, I'm a saver, DP is a spender. If I want something, I will buy it, but until I've decided I want something, I don't go looking for things to buy, whereas DP seems to be constantly browsing, trying to find things to buy. I have to identified 'I need X' then I need to find it, and find the right one, at the best price, which makes it into a boring chore, that I CBA to do half the time.