Split of bills / joint finances

[Springbaby2023]

Didn’t really know what to call this thread but basically looking for advice and thoughts on how me and my partner split finances.

We’ve always been on pretty much equal pay. My salary is higher, but he gets PIP which brings his monthly take home in line with mine. So we each put the same amount into a joint account each month to cover all bills, food shopping, holidays etc. Then we have the same amount leftover for personal spends.

Last year we both got a promotion and remained on similar money. However mine was just temporary and from October I’ll move onto my old salary which is around £300 a month less.

I think that at this point I should start putting £150 less into the joint account and him £150 more so we stay have the same money left over for our personal spends.

Alternatively he could start overpaying our joint mortgage (I have £19k more invested in him in the property and he’s keen to pay that off so we have a more equal share).

However, as we get closer he’s started to show signs of not being happy about this. He’s arguing that we should look at gross not net pay as I pay much more into my pension - my argument is that I’ve taken a pension break for our two kids so if you’re going to go down that route then we need to work out how I’ve much I’ve missed out on then, which all just gets a bit ridiculous.

AIBU to expect him to pay more into the joint account when he is taking more money home?

Obviously if I was to get a better paid job we’d adapt it again then and continue to work it out proportionately, likewise if I was earning more than him I’d expect to contribute more.

Work full time then

@mycoffeecup I’ve not downsized my career! I have a well paid job (better than partner’s) and I’ve had one temp promotion since maternity leave so not exactly struggling career wise

@mycoffeecup it was my choice to go part time and it’s flexible working so I can go back to five days a week any time at my choosing

So, your job is better than his, but he has only £150 more than you thanks to PIP?
Or it's mainly because of the pension?

@febrezeme i could definitely do that, but it doesn’t solve the longer term issue if one of us starts earning more than the other

@MykonosMaiden he has £300 more than me a month.

Solely because of PIP?
Honestly though it doesn't matter. The fact is he has £300 more spare than you.
However, his argument is that you're using your pension to reduce your take home.

Effectively he is saying that YOU chose to take th pension hit, so he should not be paying for it now . Which is quite stingy of him.

On a longer term however - example.
You earn 1.2K a month, so total pension would be £96. For 7 months this is £672.
That would take you 6 months to make up if you chucked an extra £100 quid in (ignoring the time value of money for the moment).
So what happens after that? Surely if you continue once you've made up it's now at his expense.

The fact that you don't want to work it out means you're just going to keep paying more into it indefinitely?

@MykonosMaiden my pension is a fixed percentage, I don’t chose the amount. The pension break I took from my maternity leave is only relevant if he’s now saying that our pensions effect how much we now contribute to the joint account (which has never been an issue before, he only wants to do this now that I’m asking him to pay proportionately more)

In that case then you're right - he should be putting more in. I mean, assuming he doesn't decide to start putting more into his pension too and now says 'well it's irrelevant so now I have a lower take home'.

Personally I don't understand this way of doing things. I'm not one of those 'joint account only' people, we are married but still have our own individual accounts. Multiple in my case as I like moving things around to get current switching bonuses and things.

We have always earned similar amounts and put in the same to the joint - but either if us having an extra couple of hundred doesn't really matter as we have similar personal spends. Currently I earn more so have a couple of hundred quid more - but I just cover things like our dinner dates.

Maybe we are lucky in that our personal spends even if uneven are enough for what we want but we don't keep that close tracking. I suppose you do, because legally it is not shared but I'd go with the attitude rather than specific instances.

I’d probably start talking to him about the jobs you’re going to apply for when the kids go to school and you go back to full time, and how much spending money you’ll have when you do.

Either he’ll back track pretty quickly or he’ll explain that he agrees it’s fair that you have more spends if you’re earning more. Whatever you agree now insist that you stick to it for the future.

For what it’s worth it’s likely based on your post that your earnings will likely exceed his fairly soon, so his suggestion works in your favour I think, although I’d want equal spends if it was my relationship.

Agree, and how of course once you're back at work the two of you will need to split dropoffs, pickups, time off when kids sick etc.

ah sorry - wrong thread!

@MykonosMaiden To be fair to him if he wanted to use it to top up his pension that would be fine. I think if we had more disposable income I would be less bothered about a couple of hundred quid here and there… maybe once we’re no longer paying nursery fees and have lower joint costs it will matter less (maybe also more chance of something like going out for dinner together then too!)

Yes, that makes sense.
I think there's also a wider context of how you spend money. It isn't fair if he's constantly going out for meals, drinks etc with his mates while you're at home with the kids.
Also on whether some personal spends like clothes and toiletries come out of the joint.

I think we’re pretty equal in that respect! He spends more on beer but I spend more on clothes. Toiletries come out of the joint account although if I’m buying expensive make up I’d pay for that myself. We don’t tend to count every penny of the joint account and quibble over whose is what fortunately. We both get pretty much equal time away from the eldest, youngest is different as breastfeeding but will hopefully be similar when he’s older. Thanks for all your advice!

I’ll never understand so-called couples that have separate finances like this.

You should be one single team, all income into a joint pot and then if you can afford it equal personal spends come out into personal accounts.

What happens if one of you loses your job or is unable to work for 10 years due to illness?

My OH worked and paid for everything while I went to Uni. Then we both worked full-time and paid the bills from a joint account. Then we had DC and I was off on mat leave with no income, OH paid for everything and wanted me to stay at home with DC while I could (as did I of course). Then we both worked full-time. Then OH had a heart attack, lost all his work and for some years now I have worked and paid for everything. In a years time OH will be able to access his personal pension and intends to pay the house off and pay for everything with us both having personal spends and I have the choice to not work again if I don’t want. When DC goes to Uni we will be off on cruises together etc.

Life does not stay static, things change.

You should be one single team, all income into a joint pot and then if you can afford it equal personal spends come out into personal accounts.

@GatesOfBabylon this is literally what we’ve done until this point if you read my OP. Basically majority of our income into joint pot and then some equal personal spends into personal accounts. That’s what I’m suggesting we should carry on doing moving forward.

We have joint finances but take out cash each month to spend on ourselves. I think my husband earns triple what I earn, but we have equal ‘spending money’. Tbf I probably have more towards beauty, social life and things like that and it’s never been an issue for the husband. I think you’ve got a point OP, it should be more equal.