How much are you worth?!

[Luckynumb]

I had the strangest conversation with a friend last week who basically asked who in our close friendship group was the wealthiest. I think she was being nosy and wanted to find out more about our family finances more than anything tbh. I was a bit taken aback when she asked this and there is a number of ways I could have answered to shut the convo down in hindsight. However I said, I dunno what do you think and what about your finances? She then proceeded to list these things and guessed (possibly in some cases she knew) the answer based on what she knew about our friends.

How much salary does the person/couple make?
If they own, how much was their house worth and how big was their mortgage if they had one?
How much savings did they have?

In the end in our circle of 5 friends she thought I was somewhere in the middle and she was slightly below me. After ranking us I just looked flabbergasted and said well we don’t really know and there are more factors than the above she stated, I wasn’t going to go into my financial details and moved the convo on!!!

She’s a friend I have had for years, and has always been a bit nosy but harmless. Now it got me thinking do people really rank unconsciously what their circle of friends are worth? If so where do you rank? (I’m kidding you don’t need to answer that!)

I've never known anyone do this. Some things are deciding anyway. I got a new car 3 months ago but it is leased through the Motability scheme for DS. People might look and think oh, they can afford a new car, but really we can't.

Cars are a crap indicator. Many are leased. Or fancy car and house of not much value

A lot more dead than alive!

(Death in service & life insurance)

You cant really rank against other people as it’s impossible to know. But I recently was denied a new life insurance due to a medical issue and it got me thinking about my old one and I realised dead me is 3x wealthier than alive me.

This doesn’t answer your question 🤣

@Felici Snap! lol the morbid self rankers have arrived 🤣

What a crass conversation for your friend to want to have.

Never thought about that too, but I guess I would be more wealthy being dead than alive!! Life insurance etc.

It was indeed a crass conversation, but it did get me thinking do people size up/compare subconsciously.

That's no indicator imo. I owns my own house, no mortgage, it's worth quite a bit. I was getting divorced and my dad died suddenly. Mum sold their house down south that had gone up in value astronomically and because my ex was being a dick she bought my house for me so I was safe with the kids. There's no way this reflects how wealthy I am. I'm just extremely lucky to have the house. But I'd rather have my dad.

No I'm sure most people don't do this. No one would ever guess what my household is worth by looking from the outside.

Weird of her to go on about it so much, she sounds a bit insecure perhaps.
No one knows what people have in savings, how much is on credit or potential inheritance one day so it's pointless trying to work it out.

In my closest group of friends we are roughly the same income wise but we have by far the biggest outgoings largely due to house renovations so have less holidays, older cars etc. Sometimes it's just about what people prioritise their spending on.

We have a rule with friends and family, no talking money matters or politics. I’ve also never shared earnings, same reason, it’s none of their business and only causes disagreements.y

I guess I have a rough idea of salary, mostly through knowing what jobs they have. I also know which ones have to be more careful with spending than others.

It's far more difficult to say where I fit in that though. For example, I'm probably one of the higher earning ones but I'm also a single parent. The others are mostly couples living together sharing costs.

I do also appreciate that the reality can be very different from how things appear so I'd have no idea about other people - it's only from planning days out/trips that I know so much about friends.

Yes agree maybe she is a bit insecure or just purely being nosy.
like you say those measurements are not enough to find out whether someone is truly wealthy or not.
I always find it uncomfortable talking about money because you never know what situation that person is in.

People would see my friends house and think she's fairly well off but In honestly she left her council house for a sun of money and uses that to buy a house along with both their salaries (both not massively high). So a large chunk of how she owned was due to the council helping but strangers wouldn't necessarily think that at first

People can entertain themselves by having a guess, but there's that many unseen factors that they're often likely to be way off.

As long as they're not using someone else's perceived wealth to sponge off them, eg by asking for loans or not paying their way in group situations, what's the harm?

I have an idea of my friends based on jobs, houses, lifestyles.
But actually asking ? That's nuts!

It's utterly bonkers and rude. I can guess incomes of some friends based on their jobs. But no idea of their mortgage sizes etc. A few friends where both sold flats prior to buying a house together, so you assume their mortgage might be quite low.

A friend who lives in a house double the cost of mine but I know her mortgage payments are similar to mine, due to us talking about rates and fixing etc.

Everyone is so different.

I’ve had the same friends from school and although we don’t talk finances, we are all quite aware who earns more/who earns less and we are really mindful to be respectful. The lawyers and accountants are definitely aware that if they want to stay friends with the retail workers and receptionists then they can’t be suggesting we go to spas and out for michelin star meals every other week. And it doesn’t just come down to what we do for a living, there are some who are childfree and some with multiple kids, some of which are in childcare (so eating a tonne of money) and some that aren’t. Essentially, what I’m saying is, although we don’t talk about money, we’ve clearly all made an assessment on how much roughly each person has to spend on leisure time, and we adjust our expectations of plans accordingly.

People would think we are fairly low income to middling at a stretch but it’s far from the truth and I assume we are not unique. Wonder how long your friend spent trying to work everyone out and how far off the mark she probably is!

I suppose you get a general idea if someone is really struggling or not, from the way they discuss life or weave in money issues into conversation. So you can get a jist. Some people are quietly wealthy and understated so you would have no idea. Some flashy people (not all) possibly keeping up with Jones’s and putting all payments on credit, however on the outside they appear rich.

I guess in some ways a lot of people judge/compare internally but to actually vocalise it/ ask directly is crass.

I’m not sure that people rank but I definitely think there is an awareness of who has what and it’s noted that some have more disposable income than others.

OP, you didn't have to come up with such an elaborate story to justify a post about essentially wanting to know what assets are held by total strangers on the Internet.

You could have just asked the question.

I won't list my wealth here because, frankly, it's no one else's business. I just found your post very long-winded and quite transparent.

Unfortunately it is true, she has always been that way from clothes and looks, making small comparative remarks.

I just wanted to know based on the convo we had whether people do rank people like this as she did within friendship groups. Why does she care so much - maybe as one poster said she could be insecure - yet in some ways she seems so confident (maybe over compensation, I dunno)

I don’t need you to expose your wealth, it doesn’t affect me the slightest.