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Original poster

Crazy relative threatening to report me for fraud - advice please

37 replies

leoleo · 22/02/2008 12:12

A relative paid for a holiday on her debit card for me and my ds. I had the card in travel agents and used it to pay with chip and pin.
She is now blackmailing (?) me if I do not give her £1400 (which I do not have) she is threatening to report me to the police for fraud.
I was acting with her authorisation. I have no criminal record. What will happen if she does report me?
Should I be concerned?

OP posts:

callmeovercautious · 22/02/2008 12:16

If she gave you her PIN surely that is proof that she authorised it? However I don't think you are supposed to use it even if you are given it iyswim?

Was she "of sound mind" when she gave you the card and PIN? Are you sure she was expecting it to cost so much?

hifi · 22/02/2008 12:17

is the 1400 what you paid for the hols and owe her or just the blackmail money?

Original poster

leoleo · 22/02/2008 12:21

She spoken to me when I booked it and ok'd the price.
She was in sound mind and text'd it over.
If I was the sort of person to do this I would have used a atm and taken the money? Rather than give my address and commit fraud at the same time?

The holiday cost £950 it was a birthday gift for my ds (a lot i know but she insisted).

She has lost her temper because I told her she could not have my ds alone - I wanted to be there. She is erratic and now she is doing this to 'cause trouble' and get me back.

This is really embarrassing as well.

OP posts:

Original poster

leoleo · 22/02/2008 12:21

The money isn't anything that I owe her

OP posts:

WallOfSilence · 22/02/2008 12:23

Does she have children on her own?

Why did she want your ds alone?

And she will go to the police if you don't let her have your ds alone?

Jeez... she's the one that needs reporting!

nappymadmummy · 22/02/2008 12:24

does she realise blackmail is also a crime?

No idea about the legal position, sorry.

TheBlonde · 22/02/2008 12:24

do you still have her texts?
have you been on the holiday yet?

tiredemma · 22/02/2008 12:24

Is she unwell? (mentally)- and Im being serious, not taking the piss

Kathyis6incheshigh · 22/02/2008 12:24

You don't still have her text ok-ing it, do you?

terramum · 22/02/2008 12:26

Blackmail is a crime as well I think so you could quite rightly report her...but it might be worth seeking some legal advice to find out if you could get into trouble yourself with the card thing. Did she tell you in person that she wanted the 1400 or have you a record of it?

Original poster

leoleo · 22/02/2008 12:41

Ok - i am really embarassed meant to name change - did that and the posted in normal name,

She is the woman that gave birth to me and my younger sister and gave us up to our grandparents at birth.

She has been in and out of our lives. She had us thrown out of our home when our nan (who leagally adopted us and I called mum) died. It was council.

We have been in touch since November and she wanted to pay for me to have IVF treatment and that was the 1st instalement - £1400. Paid now to hospital.

She wanted to pay for holiday as I turned down a brand new car and she wanted to do something for me and my ds.

I know I should have taken the money - but when someone talks about IVF and you despreatly want to have another child you ignore your instincts.

She never wanted any money back.

I am not completely sure of her mental health although I have my doubts as she compulsively lies.

I am gutted as well because I have really been trying with her.

OP posts:

Original poster

leoleo · 22/02/2008 12:43

I don't have the text and she has texted for the money - I'll save them.
She is passing messages via another relative.
She will now sit and try every way possible to cause trouble for me.
Previously she reported me to my employer (a bank and I was a financial advisor) for commiting fraud. This was obviously founded to be a lie.

OP posts:

Original poster

leoleo · 22/02/2008 12:44

I know it will seem that I was stupid to be in touch with her. I was. It's hard because people that claim to love you should do this to you?

OP posts:

Blueskythinker · 22/02/2008 12:50

Cut her out of your life - afterall, she did this to you. (although have no experience, so no idea of the emotional issues).

Inform her any further contact can be via your solicitor.

Daisymoo · 22/02/2008 13:07

I imagine the police will inform her that it's a civil matter and won't get involved. If you're worried I would phone them first and ask to speak to someone for advice. There might be a community officer who can advise you?

Bink · 22/02/2008 13:08

Aren't texts centrally saved by your operator's server, even if you've deleted them from your handset?

It is to your advantage (sadly) that she has tried to do this before (ie, report you for a fraud you didn't commit) - even if the bank were to take any interest in her claim - which I'm pretty sure it won't, as the payments have all gone through, and it'll appear to them just as if a disgruntled customer is trying to get their money back.

The terms are indeed likely to be that a customer is prohibited from authorising anyone else to use your card - but as far as the bank will see it, that's her breach of terms - not fraud. I really don't think they'll be interested in you.

I think you are close to safe calling her bluff on this one. It is a sad situation though, as she obviously has a close confusion between emotions and money.

Original poster

leoleo · 22/02/2008 13:47

Thank you I am feeling a lot better after reading your posts - esp bink and daisymoo.

I think i am just going to have to sit tight on this one.

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captainmummy · 22/02/2008 13:50

Why does she want the money back Leo? Is she strapped for cash at the mo? Useless with money and budgeting? It's easy enogh to get carried away helping other people without realising howmuch has gone out.

Original poster

leoleo · 22/02/2008 13:56

I don't know abt her money situation to be honest. although she is the type of person that always will have money - i don't know how. \She claims to have a very well paid job although i doubt it.

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captainmummy · 22/02/2008 13:59

So what is she doing it for? Can't be just to p*ss you off or frighten you? Does she want you to be beholden to you? Is the thing with your ds part of it?

Original poster

leoleo · 22/02/2008 14:10

i am not sure exactly why - i think she cannot cope with the fact that she isn't allowed to have my ds alone. I am not doing that to annoy her - She was visiting for 2 whole days per week so i wasn't with holding my ds to hurt her or anything.

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captainmummy · 22/02/2008 15:42

Why does she want to have ds alone? Your instincts are to not let her, and I can understand that. Is that how she's blackmailing you?

Bink · 22/02/2008 15:57

Sorry to ask this, as it's probably an upsetting bit of the picture - but without her input, are you going to be able to continue with the IVF? - you mentioned the payment was just an "instalment".

Original poster

leoleo · 22/02/2008 17:38

she was on the phone and said why couldn't she take him out. i said you can. she then said no just me and ds. I then said no. She asked why I explained that there was no need because I only work part time and he stays with me otherwise. She then flipped out saying she wants they money back for the ivf. I said that's not a normal thing to do and i could never imagine doing that to my ds or the in laws doing it to dp - she said well they are allowed to have ds! I can't give her what she wants and my ds is up for sale. this is awful i've had her texting today and my dp - he will prob mention to his parents which is just so embarassing.

I think for the IVF we will have to consider either cancelling or trying to get a loan.

OP posts:

Original poster

leoleo · 22/02/2008 17:41

Also a few years ago she went into my younger sisters work and was shouting and causing a scene and she said to me last night (calm at first)- "someone told me you said ages ago that you could never imagine going into DS's work and causing a scene" and I said I can't remember saying that but no I would never do that. She then flipped out.. I just don't know where she is coming from.

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