Feeling sorry for myself - even though it's self inflicted

[gladysdog]

Hi everyone

I am having a miserable Sunday afternoon feeling sorry for myself. Before I get shot down... I know that what I am about to describe is purely self inflicted. I also know that I don't have much to actually worry about and that I am am lucky to have what I have BUT I am only human.

My sister has a big birthday next year and we had talked about all going away on holiday together. She wants to go on a cruise and we just can't afford it. For out family of 4 we would be looking at not much change out of 10k which for us is totally unobtainable. We tend to go abroad every couple of years but spend about a third of that.

I so want to go, but It's just not possible. We both work full time but we are currently paying off debts due to us being total dickheads with money throughout our twenties and thirties.

I am normally quite upbeat about it all - we have a house ( mortgaged), a car each and a full fridge. We pay our bills without any real stress but we just don't have enough to fund lots of luxuries. I accept that, but today I feel down and sorry for myself.

dh is upset that I am upset and is trying to look for solutions. He gets a bonus of about 5k next year and has suggested that we use that an borrow the rest to go on the cruise... but I just can't do that. Despite me wanting to go, I think that would be totally irresponsible.

Just wanted to offload a little

Thanks

Quite. I've been careful with money for years, and I don't have £10k lying around handy, nor could I save up that much in a year either. I doubt many families would be able to do that. And even if they could, I dare say they would have far better things to do with the money than spend it going on a holiday of someone else's choosing.

I think you need to get some perspective here, OP.

Most people don’t/can’t/won’t spend £10k on a holiday.

Exactly.

A £10k cruise to celebrate a big birthday is nuts unless everyone going is wealthy. Are others going and if so, what do they think about the suggestion?

You need to say that it's not in your budget and if she wants a big family holiday to celebrate her birthday, she needs to reign it in a bit. Perhaps you could use your DHs bonus with no borrowing to pay for a holiday, but not a penny more?
You could still do something really special, just not as spendy as a cruise with all the expensive options selected.

£10k is a huge amount for a cruise, we are pretty comfortably off and I wouldn't just be able to drop £10k with 12 months notice on a holiday. You can do a decent Royal Caribbean cruise for half that amount for a family of 4, in the summer holidays too. So either it's a very extravagant cruise that most families would have to turn down with only a year of notice, or someone has got their sums wrong.

Exactly. What does OP sister do for a living I'm sure you won't be the only 1 not attending.

As someone who regularly cruises I am fascinated by some of the responses on here.

FYI I’ve just done a quick search and a 14 nights round trip from Southampton to the med on Cunard’s Queen Anne in July/August 2024 has a lowest price of £2,898 for 2 passengers in an inside cabin. An unobstructed balcony cabin is £4,798. It’s £32,518 in a Queen’s Grill Master Cabin and that’s not the top priced cabin as those are already sold out.

Yes, people really choose to pay c£30k more for the same cruise on the same ship to get a better cabin and a wider choice of food.

Cunard is a premium line but there are lots of people who regularly travel on their ships and for much longer duration. Frequently the top price cabins sell out first.

The reality is that most people don’t spend £10k on a family holiday for 4 but there are a group of people who spend way more on travel.

I asked the op for more details as there are loads of cruise lines and they price for their market so you can do a similar cruise for much less on some ships.

@gladysdog if you can give an idea of destination and cruise line you may be able to get a similar cruise nearer to your budget.

I remember decades ago a programme about cruising on the QE2. There was one elderly chap who cruised all year round as it was cheaper than a care home and the medical facilities were better.

Not relevant but your post made me think of that!

OP

This is a heck of a lot of money. I bet you won’t be the only one not going. Have a word with DSis - does she have kids? Has she thought about who could afford it?

I might consider going on my own in the cheapest single cabin, if that was possible.

@GnomeDePlume I always say stick me on a cruise ship rather than an old people’s home 😂. The reality is you can’t stay onboard in the same cabin for 365 days e.g maintenance, refit etc.

However, I would happily stay on one for several months during winter e.g in the Caribbean.

If your holiday budget is only 5k you're best off just being honest with her and saying "I'd love to come with you; but we can only afford 5k"

Your sister then needs to decide whether she wants a 10k cruise on her own, or a cheaper holiday that you join in.

I fear you wouldn't enjoy the cruise anyway if every day your mind is more on the 5k debt you've just incurred than relaxing on the deck. Maybe you could even have a cheaper holiday now, then all save up for that cruise for her next big birthday instead?