Need perspective- marital money

[reservationfortwo]

My dh and I have been married 5 years, together 10 years prior. He owned a house when we met and so had more money to put in to our house when we bought together. The deeds state he owns a much bigger percentage than me because I contributed less and because we weren't married we were "tenants in common". Fast forward to now...he earns a massive amount more than me. I have a very small business and am ultimately responsible for parenting and childcare if he gets called away with work. Because he earns loads more and is good with money he deals with all house finances, runs my car, buys most of the food, my phone etc. I pay half towards the monthly mortgage. I know he has lots of money but I have no access to his accounts and we run our finances separately. I realise this makes me incredibly vulnerable and I should look at changing it but not sure how or if this is even ok?

I don't think the Tenants in Common situation changes upon marriage. You could get some advice on this.

If it doesn't then you need to look at what % of the house is each of yours, as documented at the Land Registry. This doesn't always have anything to do with the deposit you each put in.

A Deed of Trust is generally used to protect deposits of each party. It would also set out how the ongoing costs of the house are shared with regards to mortgage payments and the split of cost of repairs etc.

If you're Tenants in Common says 50/50 on deposit and all future costs, fine. If is documented as, say 70/30 (in your husbands favour) and you are paying 50% of mortgage you need to renew/ vary the Deed.

Thank you. It's in his favour massively. How do I get advice on this?

Probably the most grabby post I’ve seen on here all week.
Yes there should be transparency, but this talk of taking halves is more than just a bit gold-digger!

Finances are joint, not halved - there’s a big difference

I think you need out of this marriage OP.

I've always paid half the mortgage cost despite not owning an equal split in the house, including some overpayments I've contributed to. How does this work though because he could just say this is for mortgage AND bills - and I don't pay anything towards bills.

Lived in the house 10+ years.

Regarding the child benefit - if one of you is earning over £60 you can tick the box to say you are eligible, neither not receive a payment. Then do get need to fill in a tax return regarding it as not receiving the money, but still counts as your NI contribution for the year for the state pension entitlement. Also means your child is registered in the gvt system so they will get an NI number generated when they turn 16. I think when I called uo about it to change address a couple of years ago I only had one child on that system as 2nd was born after had opted out so never added them at the time re child benefit, and am sure the adviser told me about the child's NI number generation then.

How old are the children? Are they yours and his? You said I pay for my kids clothes, my own clothes, kids activities and clubs, kids birthday parties so wasn't sure if they were his also. Why are you on such a 'measly income' could you not look to work full Time and use child care which he should then pay towards?

I’m not sure it is, he pays for your phone, car, all your food, the utilities etc, yes he doesn’t give you access to his wage and bank account, but you have your own disposable income and pretty much he pays for everything else. Also you need to review if you can work more.

I suppose you need to work out what it is you actually want first. Do you want access to his accounts? Do you want to know how much he has? Do you want a divorce?

DH and I have alloted things we pay for, and the rest of our money is our own, we don't have access to eachothers bank accounts or savings, and it suits us both, absolutely no financial abuse going on.

Same here, we pay a proportion of our wages to a joint account to cover all bills, we then have our own disposable incomes. I have no interest in accessing my husbands bank accounts of his wages and I’d feel it abusive if he said he wanted access to mine. We trust each other implicitly though and are open. But no, I would not give my husband access to my accounts.

I don’t understand how the op thinks she’s on her own with money when the man is paying the majority of her expensive for her to effectively live.

having access to his accounts isn’t ok for me.

If your business is not making much, I'd knock it on the head and aim towards a well paid role like your husband. I don't see the point in earning what you describe as a measily amount while he's taking it in.