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Original poster

Can she do this?

31 replies

Æthelred · 13/05/2023 21:04

Can she do this?

First time OP here and please forgive the lack of acronyms.

My friend's mother says she will disinherit him unless he cares for her in her own home until she dies.
He's the only child and she was widowed 8 years ago.
In 2020 she suffered a serious stroke and she needs constant care.

I don't know the exact details but there are three properties on the land and she owns all of them. He will inherit the entire estate unless she carries out her threat to change her will to leave everything to a donkey sanctuary or whatever.
The other two properties are a garage (my friend is also my motor mechanic and the garage is his livelihood) and the bungalow where my friend lives. Since the stroke she has waived all rents but there's no doubt about who has the whip hand.
My friend has to drop everything and see to her needs at a moment's notice - shopping, healthcare appointments and his work suffers as a result; for instance I was scheduled to collect my car - a 35 mile bicycle ride away, this morning.

I was told last night that one of the pieces of work wasn't done because he had to go and buy some compost, begonias and other essential items yesterday afternoon.

I still collected my car this morning; it won't start properly from cold because the work wasn't completed but I wasn't prepared to have my weekend disrupted. I will have to take the car to a local auto electrician to complete the work.

It's first world problems for me but I am very worried about the impact this situation - which won't go on forever - is having on my friend.

To me it looks like my friend is enslaved until his mother dies - is this right and is there anything he can do to free himself from his maze?

OP posts:
Original poster
Æthelred · 13/05/2023 21:06

I should add that my friend is early 50s and his ma is 80

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 13/05/2023 21:08

Which country? Inheritance rules are different in Scotland to England for example.

gettingolderbutcooler · 13/05/2023 21:08

Well, he is free isn't he?
He doesn't have to say yes. The money isn't his, it's hers, so she can set down whatever stipulations she likes, it doesn't mean he has to accept.

Original poster
Æthelred · 13/05/2023 21:12

Pixiedust1234 · 13/05/2023 21:08

Which country? Inheritance rules are different in Scotland to England for example.

England

OP posts:
Original poster
Æthelred · 13/05/2023 21:13

gettingolderbutcooler · 13/05/2023 21:08

Well, he is free isn't he?
He doesn't have to say yes. The money isn't his, it's hers, so she can set down whatever stipulations she likes, it doesn't mean he has to accept.

If she was my mother her bluff would already have been called but I've lived all over the world. This man has only known one home all his life.

OP posts:
Dontlistitonfacebook · 13/05/2023 21:14

I think if they're in England she can leave her money to whoever she wants. He doesn't have to be a slave, that's his choice.

LIZS · 13/05/2023 21:14

You mean he wants to opt out of the care but still inherit. If she makes a will she could make it in his favour, or not, regardless. There are no guarantees. If he cares for her he may yet find himself disinherited, homeless and without business premises. As long as she is competent when she makes the will she can choose. Might be wise to get poa in place now though.

Starlightstarbright1 · 13/05/2023 21:14

I walked away from my large inheritance - no regrets

2bazookas · 13/05/2023 21:29

Pixiedust1234 · 13/05/2023 21:08

Which country? Inheritance rules are different in Scotland to England for example.

Scottish inheritance protection for offspring, only applies to a set proportion of the parent testators moveable estate, which excludes their property and land.

Movable estate covers savings, jewellery and investments (any of which the parents could dispose of legally before death).

pavillion1 · 14/05/2023 00:23

Of course she can, She can also promise him the lot then change her mind on her death bed.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2023 00:27

He gets free rent for his home and his business in his 50s and wants to know how he get even more for even less.

Yeah, I'm #TeamMum.

BarbaraofSeville · 14/05/2023 07:49

There are legal precedents for this. I remember a case years ago where a woman won an appeal in similar circumstances, but can't find anything online about this.

The fact that his home and business premises are on his DMs land are likely to be significant, eg:

https://www.chadwicklawrence.co.uk/legal-news/adult-child-wins-an-inheritance-claim-against-parents-estate/

https://www.clarkewillmott.com/news/farmer-successful-in-significant-inheritance-dispute-case/

However, your friend needs to seek legal advice about his specific circumstances.

He also needs to stand up to his DM, for example by not running silly errands like shopping for plants during working hours. He can go after work or at the weekend for things like that. If he lives and work on the same site, he can reasonably provide most of her care and also work effectively, eg by giving her lunch and attending to her other needs before and after work, at lunchtime and by taking a morning and afternoon break will mean that she's never alone for more than a couple of hours at a time. Any more than that, he needs to be working in the daytime unless it's an emergency.

Adult Child Wins An Inheritance Claim Against Parent’s Estate | Chadwick Lawrence

Adult child wins an inheritance claim against parent’s estate under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975. Read about the case here.

https://www.chadwicklawrence.co.uk/legal-news/adult-child-wins-an-inheritance-claim-against-parents-estate

Mindymomo · 14/05/2023 08:20

Your friend needs a life, other than looking after his DM. They need to have a talk, maybe she could get a carer a few hours a week to share caring duties Like most people have said, she can promise anything, but change her will anytime she wants.

Original poster
Æthelred · 14/05/2023 09:26

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2023 00:27

He gets free rent for his home and his business in his 50s and wants to know how he get even more for even less.

Yeah, I'm #TeamMum.

He's not seeking to duck his perceived responsibilities - he's accepting his fate but at a terrible cost to his personal and work life.

My friend is wired very differently to me - if he was like me this would have been resolved one way or another not long after she became ill.

It's in stark contrast to my own situation - I worked out 40 years ago that my parents' divorce meant I was unlikely to inherit anything from either of my parents and indeed it is so; my mother died destitute 30 years ago and my father has made it clear he has to leave his estate to his younger wife, assuming he survives her. I don't resent this because I have no sense of entitlement but the knowledge that there will be no inheritance is liberating for me because my father is unbearable as my friends mother, just in different ways. If my father wasn't such a deaf, drunken resentful arsehole I would still see him now and then but I decided to keep contact to an absolute minimum as his behaviour worsens. He has no grandchildren from me so I have no obligation in that area.

OP posts:
Original poster
Æthelred · 14/05/2023 09:27

Mindymomo · 14/05/2023 08:20

Your friend needs a life, other than looking after his DM. They need to have a talk, maybe she could get a carer a few hours a week to share caring duties Like most people have said, she can promise anything, but change her will anytime she wants.

Thanks for your helpful words but sadly it will never happen - he will never stand up to her and she will never accept outside help.

OP posts:
CharlottenBerg · 14/05/2023 09:37

Every time I open this page my Malwarebytes antivirus says 'Site blocked due to Trojan', and mentions something called 'Chadwick Lawrence'. Is this an ad that is trying to show?

CharlottenBerg · 14/05/2023 09:41

I know this sounds harsh, but if this geezer is in his 50s, his mother is likely to be elderly; she's had a stroke; his period of servitude may not last long, and then he cops a packet. On the other hand, she may linger long enough for all the estate to be eaten up in professional care fees when she becomes ga-ga. If I were him, I'd be making a backup plan. Has he paid NI contributions? Has he got any savings? Can he find a rich woman to marry? etc.

CharlottenBerg · 14/05/2023 10:21

Maybe you're that woman?

Original poster
Æthelred · 14/05/2023 10:50

CharlottenBerg · 14/05/2023 10:21

Maybe you're that woman?

I think you've summed it right up in your previous post - thanks for that - I will try and impart those suggestions to my friend.

I'm not a woman. I only signed up to Mumsnet so I could send a direct message to a lady who had made some really astute observations in her posts which helped clear a long conflict in my own mind; I'd got it into my head that I could never have another relationship but after reading her posts I realised this isn't true and years of turmoil cleared overnight.
That was back in December and I've since realised that I'm better off on my own but that's beside the point!

I don't post all that much because I don't usually have the correct insight because of my lifestyle but I realised Mumsnet is the perfect place to ask about this and I am glad I did.

I think it will have to run its course - it's like a slow motion car crash and is painful to watch.

OP posts:
CharlottenBerg · 14/05/2023 11:05

If she becomes too exigeante as the French say, might she run the risk of a nasty fall down the stairs? He is a mechanic. Sadly these things do happen. In rural France, I read, if an elderly farmer has not made the farm over to his already middle-aged single son, whom no woman will marry because he has no farm, there may be a unfortunate accident, and the gendarmerie can be very understanding.

CharlottenBerg · 14/05/2023 11:10

@BarbaraofSeville - that Chadwick Lawrence link is getting flagged and blocked by my antivirus, which says it may have a trojan.

CharlottenBerg · 14/05/2023 11:11

It says the site is 'compromised'.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 14/05/2023 11:19

CharlottenBerg · 14/05/2023 11:05

If she becomes too exigeante as the French say, might she run the risk of a nasty fall down the stairs? He is a mechanic. Sadly these things do happen. In rural France, I read, if an elderly farmer has not made the farm over to his already middle-aged single son, whom no woman will marry because he has no farm, there may be a unfortunate accident, and the gendarmerie can be very understanding.

Nonsense .

For a start, this situation world not be ‘investigated by the Gendarmerie, but by the police nationale. If there was any suggestion of a crime, an investigating magistrate would be in overall charge, with the detective work being handled by the PN and the forensic service.

Is this wishful thinking, by any chance?

Furries · 14/05/2023 11:32

That’s not even wishful thinking - it’s very clear what that poster is suggesting.

HappyHamsters · 14/05/2023 11:39

How can she change her Will if she is housebound. He needs to move out, get his own home and she can get help in. Whats the worse that could happen if he says no he cannot loo, after her and doesn't want her money.

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