How much do I need to earn to live comfortably?

[Comfywumfy]

I know that everyone’s different but I feel so confused and overwhelmed with my finances. I’m not as frugal as I could be but it often feels like absolutely everyone I know or read about is able to afford more than me. It’s taking me years to get my house looking halfway nice, I’ve never been on holiday and I never seem to have anything left over for luxuries. I’m a single mum of one and on paper I should have about £800 of disposable income a month after bills and food but I just seem to have no money, ever. There’s just always so much that needs doing or buying or sorting, it feels like most people must have a much bigger income than me because they have nice houses, go out to eat regularly, look nice and go on holidays.

What‘s a good amount of disposable income to aim for? Or do things just get easier and cheaper once you’ve lived somewhere for a while or once you already look nice so you can just chuck everything at holidays instead if you want to. I just feel so clueless and don’t have anyone close I could compare myself with to gauge things.

Well where is your £800 going, do you know what you are spending it on? Is it things that you really should be budgeting for, like car repairs/new clothes/birthdays & christmas presents?

The only way is to write down everything you spend for a good few months and look for the pattern

Also I don't think many people do it all - unless you mix with very wealthy people

Car repairs comes under bills, I rarely buy new clothes and if I do I use vinted and DC’s paternal relatives buy him loads for his birthday and for Christmas so I never spend much there.

It seems that things just pop up constantly, things for the house or school events or DC asking to go places or extra food or something like my phone or the tv or washer breaks and needs replacing. I probably need to be frugal but it always feels like others must earn so much more than me, I want to make a plan but not sure what kind of income to aim for to be financially okay

Or do things just get easier and cheaper once you’ve lived somewhere for a while or once you already look nice so you can just chuck everything at holidays instead if you want to

Yes this. We're on the final push with our house - we're spending hundreds a month on buying this, fixing that, getting that job done. But it WILL end and our house will be 'done' (subject to ongoing maintenance costs). We've reached that point before with previous houses. Then our outgoings will get MUCH smaller.

800 a month spare after food and bills seems a lot- so it's how you are managing that 800

A new washing machine might wipe you out one month but I wouldn't expect big bills every month

You may need to say no to tue children - you don't need to do everything

What do you mean by 'do things get cheaper once you already look nice'? Do you spend a lot of your money on looking nice?

Don’t compare yourself to other people. You just never know how much credit card debt or loans they have, or how much help they’ve had from their parents etc.

I plan everything out and budget really, really carefully but there just isn’t the money left over for everything that I’d like. If we wanted a holiday then I’d have to limit days out all year, or if I wanted to eat out or go do things then I’d have to delay getting stuff for the house for yet another month. I just have no idea how much income I’d need to be able to do things without worrying and sacrificing every month.

I think really these are the sorts of decisions that a lot of people are making.

Maybe you are just noticing when people are having their one or two treats per month and it makes it seem like they are very well off?

Either way, comparison is the thief of joy. Your situation is what it is so you need to make the best of it.

You haven't actually said how much you earn, and without knowing what kind of lifesyle you are aiming for, it is hard to say what income you should be aiming for to be financially secure.

I don't have £800 spare each month but I do manage to go on holiday abroad for a week each year, eat out regularly and do but new clothes when I feel like it. I don't earn a massive amount either,

Maybe on payday put £100 of your 'spare' £800 into a savings account, then when that runs out, that's it until next month. It will soon add up.

Thank you, I hoped this would be the case but wasn’t sure if I’d still need to pour money into the house even after I reached all my current goals. This is the first time I’ve lived alone in my own little home and it’s shocking how many things need sorting and buying constantly.

So you don't want to have to think about any spending? You want to be able to do whatever you want whenever ?

That's more than having enough to have a great and fun life

Most people who go out for a meal or a great holiday will either cut back elsewhere to save or be in the top 10% of wealth . Most people actively manage their spending

We avoid eating out and takeaways to be able to afford gigs but no one really noticed what we don't do

Are these things you're doing to your house needs or wants? Honestly? What are you buying and where from? But if you've bought a doer upper and aren't on a massive income, it would be normal to not have a lot else to spend until you've finished the house, and generally go without holidays for a couple of years.

it feels like most people must have a much bigger income than me because they have nice houses, go out to eat regularly, look nice and go on holidays

It will be very very few people who do all those things. It just isn't possible on an average income without unseen means like an inheritence, parental help, debt or they actually earn a lot more than you.

All you can do is make the most of your means. You say you have £800 pm after bills, food and even allowing for car costs etc, so are you really spending nearly £200 pw without anything to show for it? What sort of things does this go on?

What does a day out look like? Do you just go somewhere, pay full price at the gate, get lunch in the cafe, buy DC some crap from the gift shop and wonder how you got through £50-100?

Or do you get annual memberships or 2 for 1 vouchers, take a picnic and only let DC have something from the gift shop if they have birthday/pocket money to spend, so it costs much less?

You have to expect things like washing machines and phones to break, but over time the cost is tiny.

Agree, I think you are amalgamating all the images of this and that going on with all your circle, but no one really has a secret you don't know. They're either making choices or so minted they don't need to (but that's not most of us).

We've been pouring all our money into doing our house up. We hope once done it will last a lifetime in terms of big outlay. To do this we've had no days out or holidays, and have rolled out sleeves up and grafted to do the work ourselves but we 'have a lovely house in the country' which looks aspirational at a glance.
If you saw our positive pictures (not the ones where we're exhausted and covered in dust etc) and then someone else's of their amazing holiday, you'd soon have the impression everyone is living it up except you.

I don't have £800 surplus on my budget after expenses each month. I'd be in clover if I did. But routinely having days out eats a surprising amount of money so maybe you just need a thorough comb through your expenses, identify ALL the spend and then decide what is negotiable and what your priorities will be.

I want to make a plan but not sure what kind of income to aim for

Your income is what it is NOW. So any plans have to focus on your present income and your present expenditure.

Start by listing everything you spend, as you spend it. Do that for 3 months then try to spot the problems.

No point comparing.
Yes it's about income, but often there are people out there living what look like great lives!
With £30k of credit card debt.
And an interest only mortgage that's as high as it was 12 years ago so they're still 90% LTV.
And they don't even really know what this years pension or ISA allowances even are...
It's YOLO mentality vs the squirrel who worked hard during the summer and stored up resources wisely for a very comfortable winter.

You need to make a list of what you are spending that money on so you can really see what you have spare per month.

From an outsiders perspective my girls have great experiences. We go on lots of days out, they have nice clothes, get spoilt at birthdays/Christmas, house is as nice as a rental property can be.

However, our food budget is super low - cook from scratch, use yellow labels, cook vegetarian, use olio where possible. I only spent £250 per month for all food, toiletries; cleaning and cat food.

I spend my time finding good deals on days out or planning train Fare far in advance to make use of cheaper fares.

Days out we take a picnic, hot drink in a flask. May occasionally buy an ice cream or something. But rarely eat out except special occasions.

Clothes are bought from vinted and charity shops. Or from olio.

Presents are often second hand, on offer. I use cashback sites etc.

I dont buy anything outside of birthday/Christmas. No random magazine, books, toys, things from gift shops. In fact I only buy things that are essential.

I sell on anything no longer being used. Dds needed a new tablet each for school work. They sold lots of their outgrown toys, clothes and computer games to fund them.

Me and DH earn minimum wage so have nowhere near £800 spare but I know I want to prioritise experiences so I cut other areas to make that happen.

I feel that all I've done today is recommend YNAB. I don't work for them etc it truely is brilliant. I've read so many posts today and thought that YNAB would help so much. There is a bit of a learning curve but once you get the hang of it its brilliant. I probably don't need to use it anymore but I do as it keeps me accountable and gives me financial reassurance. Try it, you get 34 days free but even when that's up it's worth the monthly fee you'd get that back in what you save. When they first started charging 2 years ago I looked for a free alternative but it's just not out there.

I started going through all our expenditure when I was possibly going to have a 20% salary cut at the start of lockdown. Fortunately that didn't happen but the habit has stuck with me to the point where I get twitchy if I haven't done it for a few days.

It's a good discipline. You start to see your spending habits and also see where unnecessary spend is creeping in more regularly than you want.

Well that's what you need to do then. Work out what your real priorities are, and save up for them by not spending money on other things.

OP I'd recommend tracking your spending for a month to see where it goes. Write everything - absolutely everything- down then review at the end of a month. You might be surprised (as I constantly am) about how much you spend on certain things like groceries.

Once you've done that, see where you could potentially save money - eg use a cheaper supermarket. Create a spending plan that includes putting money aside for things you pay for annually like car insurance, so you're saving a bit each month.

Another top tip which a pp suggested is putting an amount straight into savings when you get paid - it's called paying yourself first. Set up a DD or SO so it automatically happens. Try not to touch that money. It will start to build up which will feel motivating.
£800 'spare' each month sounds a lot but you might not be taking into account your once a year spends.