How to get that adult job everyone is talking about (Trigger warning: suicide)

[BurntOutCallCenterAgent]

Some background

I am a call center agent. I’m extremely burnt out. I’m so tired of taking calls but I’ve been doing this for years and it seems like I only ever get job offers for call centres even when I put up a resume for something else. I’m also struggling to pay my bills and tired of living on government assistance. I never wanted my life to be like this. I never wanted to rely on the government to pay my bills but that’s where I am.

I complained to my friend saying who is a lot older than me I said I felt like giving up and going back into the restaurant or grocery industry and they said that those aren’t jobs for adults they’re meant to support teens and so are call centre jobs.

Just for context I want to university and got my bachelors in software engineering. No one hired me after applying for years. I eventually gave up on it and I’m now out of practice. I still regard it as my biggest life mistake and other jobs started refusing to hire me because I was over qualified so I just removed it from my resume.

When I think about it I become suicidal because I feel like a failure so I don’t even try anymore.

I asked my friend what her idea of an adult job was and she couldn’t tell me. She gave me really vague answers. I honestly was not trying to be mean. I actually want to know if there is an “adult job” I can apply for that doesn’t require higher education that I can support my family on. I consider my higher education to be useless. But I find it frustrating that she seemed so confident that one was out there but could not name it.

So please I truly ask you all. Please give me suggestions for an adult job. I want to be self reliant. I don’t want to feel like my brain is burning every time I hear another beep in my ear as I receive another call. Preferably one that doesn’t require me to sit in front of a computer screen.

I don’t mind if it requires some investment like a certificate. I just can’t live my life like this anymore.

I think it's difficult to generalise because it depends on your interests,skills, personality etc. A call centre job potentially gives you lots of transferable skills in customer service roles or more administrative roles, which don't necessarily need a degree.

As a side note, I think referring to a call centre job as not an adult job is incredibly rude of your friend. People have no idea the amount of multitasking, people skills and abilities to problem solve that when working with telephony. The high volumes, the pressure, the not knowing what you're going to get, the having to deal with rude people. I'd say that it is very much a job for adults.

I suspect your friend meant “career” when she said adult job.

There’s nothing wrong with the jobs you mention, even for adults, but they do tend to seem more job-like than career like. I think anything with progression and development opportunities can feel more like a “career”. You could do this within a call centre by becoming a supervisor or manager.

You could look at grad schemes at retailers which may value both that you have a degree and a wealth of customer service experience (Aldi, for example, but that is quite competitive).

Ignore your friend, I've seen people of all ages work in supermarkets, pubs and restaurants. Well done to you, go for it.

Make an appointment with the national careers service. Tell them what you want, they'll help you get it - work with you to tailor your cv and how to frame your approach to new employers. And they'll know of any schemes/apprenticeships/training programmes that will help. There are certainly opportunities out there.

Definitely not too late - you just need to get a tow in the door.

CRO, UX and digital analytics skills are in high demand. You could certify in these at a reasonably high level with around 100 hours of training. As an example: www.cxl.com

With your degree this content should be something you enjoy and you could combine your original degree (which might be quite old now) with a recent qualification in an in-demand skill

Accounting technician/accountancy can be a good career to get into if you have any interest. Exams can be done at night and taken at your own pace. I went from being a retail manager to an accountant by studying at night.

I agree and I used to get really offended where she said that stuff. But I’m frustrated. If it is an “adult job” why can’t my husband and I even afford a small apartment on that income? Why is it that we are barely scraping by? We have a child that will turn two soon and they don’t even have their own bedroom and I feel like I am failing them. I’m falling into absolute despair. I worry they will resent us when they’re older. I regret giving birth to them not because I don’t love them but I fear no matter how hard I try I won’t be able to support them.

At this point I’m even willing to go into an industry that I don’t necessarily want or is particularly gross like becoming a plumber or something. I just want to provide for my baby.

What will it take? Farming? Agriculture? Botany? I considered nursing but I would have to go to medical school and I’m terrified of going back to college or university because I’m scared I will stack up more student debt and not get hired and then I don’t think I would survive it.

I’m so frustrated that I can’t take care of my family. I’m willing to work hard but I feel like every time I have to apply for benefits or I can’t afford a two bedroom apartment unit that society is whispering into my ear that my hard work is meaningless and that I don’t deserve to be able to care for the people that I love.

We will have to pick up food from the food bank again this weekend. I just don’t know if I can take it anymore. I’m so sorry to dump this all on strangers. I’m sure you’re a lovely person. I recently quit breastfeeding so maybe my hormones are just causing all this. I just feel so useless like I don’t matter.

I guess I’ll call the suicide hotline so I can stress out that poor agent that probably feels the same way. I hope they get paid better than me.

You matter so much to your family & friends. Please get help ❤️❤️

Yes echo what the above poster said, please talk to someone OP. And you're not dumping on strangers, you're just going through a really bad time.

What about a mortgage adviser job you can do the classes at night and make a good wage

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

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I'm so sorry you are struggling OP
In my opinion what your friend said to you was unforgivable.
How about setting up a business- my husband is trained and qualified as something else but decided to set up his own window cleaning company. Small outlay for equipment and I canvassed for him and he's happy and we are comfortable. He works on his own terms and has little stress.
People look down on him especially his family but it works fine for him

I know someone who worked in a call centre, then got a job as the lowest level admon in a recruitment consultancy, then became a recruiter and then set up her own business and is now a millionaire!

If you fancy sales, could that be a route out?

Just a couple of thoughts op
firstly sorry to hear you are feeling so low.
Your friend is out of order

Regarding thinking about nursing: you don’t go to medical school, lots of universities do a BSc in nursing

if nursing interests you and you are prepared to be flexible with hours (which can cut down on childcare costs) I’d suggest you contact local hospitals and look to join their ‘bank’ (internal agency) as a HCA. Pay isn’t brilliant but probably not much worse than your current role.

this would give you a bit of a taster as to whether it is for you and would possibly make you feel a bit less ‘stuck’

there are also (once you have nvq or similar qualification) opportunities to work in the community. My friend does 3 nights working for a family where the child has complex disabilities and finds it fulfilling

I work in a call centre and am an adult with an adult job!

The thing is you don't sound happy OP. I'd address that before anything else.

And step away from that friend, she.sounds like she contributes to your unhappiness a bit.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. A career job would generally be more satisfying I believe long term. Call centre work is extremely emotionally draining so give yourself credit for surviving such a tough situation.
you are a graduate. Again give yourself credit there. You don’t need to look for jobs that don’t require higher education you just need to find the right graduate job.
have a Google for schemes for women returners in tech and check the criteria.
also as above - national careers service.
you seem like you’ve got lots to give, maybe just need some job search and application/interview coaching.
good luck.

It sounds like this “friend” isn’t really a friend to you at all. Do they often drag you down further when you talk to them?

I have friends that are CEOs and friends that work on the till at Tescos. We all respect each other equally and support one another through tough times because that’s what friends do.

An “adult job” is a job that you do as an adult as far as I’m concerned. If a certain role works best for you and your family, then go for it regardless of what others think.

If you’re frustrated at the lack of satisfaction you’re getting then there are things you can do - lots of big companies have schemes specifically aimed at women looking to get back into the workplace in more career focused roles; so have a look around and see if there’s something out there aimed at bringing your software engineering skills up to date. Places like this may be a good start:

https://codefirstgirls.com/
https://womenreturners.com/

It does sound like first though you need to focus on your mental health before you’re in a position to put yourself out there - the job market can be brutal.

I'm in tech and one thing I'd say is that we're seeing AI developing fast. Coding etc is great but I am a bit concerned about what's on the horizon.

If you're really into training in something with longevity then I would look into something more vocational like nursing as you say. What about an apprenticeship?

My journey started in call centres, they're great for building skills and progression. Especially larger organisations where there are a range of job functions and often more formalised development paths.

I started as a call centre advisor at 17,
Team leader at 22
Team manager at 25
Call centre manager at 28
Went into IT service delivery management at 32
Governance, Risk and Compliance at 34
Info Sec Management at 36
Now InfoSec Director at 39

With your degree you could become a teacher? There’s a really good bursary for some subjects for it too and you’d be there for your kids in the school holidays.

An adult job is simply one that you don't hate turning up for, and happens to meet your financial needs and aspirations.
I've earned big and hated turning up for it, which bled over into every area of my life - marriage, motherhood, extended family relationships, self.
I've earned small and loved turning up for it, unfortunately I had to keep the wolf from the door and put tea on the table.

I just want to give you a hug tbh. Please ignore your friend. I note you don't say what job she does. She sounds very immature.

An adult job is indeed any job done by an adult. You are married, earning and raising your child - of course you are an adult. I'm sorry your degree did not lead to work immediately but it is nonetheless an achievement.

Can I suggest you see your GP? I think if you are suicidal you need to address that first.

Are you paying childcare costs? That's going to change, things will get less horrific on a costs front. The cost of living is so high at the moment.

It does sound as if you need to get away from call centre work. Have you got restaurant experience? Did you enjoy it? Why not go back into that - if you work more in the evenings would your childcare costs reduce?

There's high demand for people with tech skills who also have people skills, which it sounds like you will have from the call centre work. Have you looked at data analytics roles? There are a lot around in the NHS that are secure and well-paid.

Maybe silly suggestion as I know your ideal would be to earn good wage/ career but short term can you look to drop a day from call centre and volunteer or work in a charity shop it could give you retail experience but also help with your mental health as you are giving back something..volunteering looks good on cvs too.

You could become a train driver. Some firms are recruiting female trainee drivers right now, you get paid while you study. Salary is north of £50k. You'd need to be happy to do shifts but the money is good.