For the sake of my sanity - this has to be sorted. Please no judgement.

[scaredPDP]

I think that I have some sort of realisation that things have to change for us financially or we are going to be be f**ked if one of us loses our job, gets ill, or dies……….

We both left our previous marriages about 6 years ago. We both brought some debt into our new relationship – me – 20kish and dp 30kish. Not ideal but that was the situation we were in so we just got on with it.
Over the last 3 years we have had a series of financial disasters. We were involved in a legal dispute with someone. I won’t go into specifics for fear of being identified, however we lost and ended up with a 25K bill. We were bitter and twisted for a while but again, we have to just get on with it.

The house that we bought needed significant renovations, way beyond what we anticipated. We also had to carry out jobs that we didn’t envisage. This spiralled out of control and added to our debts.

We both have kid each at uni and we have tried to support them through their final couple of years.

So… Here we are. In our forties, with loads of debt and me stressed to the hilt. The debt has become like the elephant in the room. We both know it’s there, but we don’t really discuss it in depth. I am super organised and know exactly what needs to be paid etc, whereas dp is good at picking me up when I am feeling shit about everything. I suppose we complement each other

I really want us to be out of this mess by the time we are 50, which is 5ish years for both of us.

The positive thing is that we are both in well paid jobs that we enjoy. I have put together a budget to see how much we can possibly throw at the debts whilst still having a few pleasures in life. I feel that I am too old to go 100% cold turkey – I need the odd bottle of wine, or a very occasional meal out!

I take home 3654 a month and also earn a couple of hundred quid from some freelance stuff that I do. DP takes home slightly less than me – 3430 so between us we generally take £7200 between us, which sounds a lot when I write it down.

Our mortgage isn’t too bad for the area and we currently pay £987 per month. Thankfully we are fixed for 4 more years. Council tax, water, energy, insurances and phone/internet come in at just under £750.We are both foodies and our supermarket spend is too high. I reckon £600 on a normal month ( there are 4 of us in the house). This will have to change

I have cancelled all of the silly subscriptions that we had as we were barely using them.

In terms of debt payments, we set up a payment of 2k per month, but I think that we can do better than this.

Our discretionary spending varies but we generally spend about £150 a week on kids activities, travel, lunches etc. This could probably be reduced a bit too.

So overall we are taking in £7200 and paying out about £4900. This does include our silly food shop which I am going to look at seriously.
We are both prone to overspending and I think that is why is never feels as though we have £2300 left, eve though we must. A lot of this has also been swallowed up by bills for the house renovations etc, although we have decided that nothing else if being done for a couple of years.

As of today, our total debt ( ex mortgage ) is about 80k. I feel sick and ashamed at that number but I know that this won’t change it. We just need to sort it out. I also need dp to be a bit more engaged as sometimes I feel as though I am the only one looking at the debt figures. He knows about the debt as it’s both of ours, but I don’t think that he always fully takes on board the scale of it

We met up at a friends house for dinner last night. There were 5 couples and I sat there feeling like a total failure. None of our friends family know that we owe 80K and I would be mortified if anyone found out. I also feel like we have massively fucked up compared to our peer group. I have no doubt that some of the will have 10, 20 30k debt – but 80k feels astronomical. I guess that there must be others out there with debts of this scale though.

I did speak to a financial adviser to see if an IVA or DMP would be an option. These aren’t really available to us as despite the balance being high, we are able to service the debts and debt solutions are for people who are unable to make even the minimums

Do you think that we can sort this in 5 years or am I going to have to face up many more years of debt and money worry?

It sounds to me like you enjoy your extravagance and THEN focus on debts. What I'd do is immediately put money to the debt (say 3000), then work out how you can live off what's left rather than enjoying your creature comforts first, because we ALL go over when we have it, even when we know we shouldn't.

You take home £7k a month.

Mortgage and other bills, Inc food, is £2.5k. Debt servicing is £2k. Everyday spending is £1.5k. Which means you can increase the monthly debt servicing to £3k a month. (Or does this go on uni kids - in which case you should regard that as part of the £2.5k bills).

It's easily doable. Switch all your outgoings, Inc debts to one account. When you get paid transfer all your salary bar £600 each to that account. Everything comes from that account except your personal spending.

Pay minimum off all debts except the one with the largest interest and work out how much you can pay off that each month and how long till that one's gone - put that in a calendar. Have direct debits for all. When that date comes around adjust repayments so you focus on the next highest interest rate. Martin Lewis calls this snowballing btw.

Gosh you’ve got a good income and small outgoings for mortgage. I think you need to keep a diary of spending (an app?) and cut back substantially. You need a shake up in relation to your attitude to money. Have jacket potato or omelette or Dahl three evenings a week. Eat out less. Review all outgoings so that you live on one wage and the other wage is sunk into the debt.

it is more then doable to crack 80ks worth of debt in 5 years but you will need to make changes in how you handle cash.

@SootspriteSearcher has given some good advice.
The best payment plan is one you’re actually able to stick to, so I would stay with £2K a month for now.

Make a resolution not to add any more to the debt and, in addition with any excess income I would build up an emergency savings account, by regular savings each month, for unexpected emergency expenses that might catch you out.

It seems counterintuitive as the savings will earn less interest than the debt accrues - but having a savings fund will reduce anxiety and develop good habits. It will also hopefully buffer you against needing to access further borrowing.

What vehicles do you have? Is there anyway you could downsize on those?

This is totally manageable without even being very very strict.

Income £7200pm

Essential spends including discretionary spending is approx £3000.

That leaves just about £4000pm.

As others have said, you need to target the highest interest first.

Personally I would not change anything outlined, but you need to make sure you stick to it.

Put your food budget in an account and only buy food from that money. I would also put bills money somewhere separate too, so lessen the chance of overspending. It’s your untouchable money.

It took me an embarrassingly long time (well into my 30s) to realise that separating my money into pots was the only way forward for me. I actually also “give” myself spending money weekly. Even in my late 30s, I can’t trust myself with my months money all at once!

I would go for £3000pm on debts, put them in order of what one in costing you the most. Everything else gets minimum payments whilst you smash the most expensive one. When that’s gone you move onto the next most expensive.

You could pay it off in 3 ish years.

The “spare” £1000 ish a month becomes money for anything like clothes or wine or whatever. And what’s left at the end of each month goes to the debt too.

I would also suggest that it’s pretty important to really try hard not to use credit cards in this time.

You do need to get DP on board too.

Have a look at @ myfrugalyear on Instagram, she’s brilliant and paid off a similar amount of debt in a similar timeframe.

You absolutely can do this. The figure obviously feels overwhelming, but it’s so-able!

Interesting to see conflicting views about consolidation of debt on to the mortgage. It depends on the interest rates.

Credit cards, store cards and unsecured loans can have rates 3 or 4 times higher than a mortgage in which case paying £2k per month is largely swallowed by the interest.

Given that the debt has continued to grow I wonder if this is the case? In which case remortgaging is definitely the sensible option. Followed by making overpayments as much as possible.

2300 per month thrown at the debt will get rid of it within your 5 year time frame.
Good luck 🍀

As everyone above..all great advice... but for the weekly spends consider lifting cash and living on that only.... when you can see what you have, you are much more likely to be frugal and think twice about treats.
Literally when it is gone.. it is gone..
And put ALL the credit cards in the bottom of the freezer.

OP my sister used to have silly debt like yours. A couple of things that helped her were 1. only buying food shopping for delivery as you can set yourself a budget and put things in your basket but if it goes over budget just take a few items out again. Set a budget for £120 per week. 2. You are overspending on kids activities etc. Give each child a weekly reduced budget for activities and let them decide which things they will do. 3. Pay £2500 pcm debt. 4. Stop using cards. 5. Draw out cash as when you are spending cash somehow it seems more real than just waving your card for payment. 6. No more spending on the house until you go out of debt completely unless you need a new appliance as something like a washing machine breaks. 7. Do as much extra paid work as you can. Could your partner get a part time evening job in a bar? It would help you if you could see he was really trying to pay it down too. You seem to have taken on mental load for this on your own. 8. Don't go on holiday or splash out at Xmas. Live within your new budget. If you all really knuckle down you could be debt free in 6-7 years.

There was a blog some years ago by a poster called Frugal Queen - she ended up having to take the blog down because of trolling, but she and her husband paid off a large amount of debt in double quick time. They worked extra jobs for a couple of years, lived really frugally and threw every bit of spare cash at the debt.

She has a FB account as Frugal Queen in France - well worth a look. Her solution was at the extreme end, but my goodness it shows what can be done if you put your mind to it.

I very much doubt OP would be able to remortgage ATM as they look at debts before making an offer.

Given that you’re all fired up to get going I wonder whether you can do a really hard hit in May.

Try to see if you can have a really minimal spend month. Meal plan with what’s in the cupboards, take leftovers for lunches, no meals out or sweet treats. No new clothes, days out etc just for one month. Sell anything you don’t need any more, try and do some extra freelance work etc.

Aim to pay an extra £2k off at the end of May. Then up your monthly debt payment to £2500 and live within your means for the rest.

If this approach works well for you, why not have another go in September/October. I’d also put all of your freelance earnings against the debt.

Hello OP, well done on squaring up to your goal - it's very doable. Lots of good advice here, and I'd echo much of it. Don't consolidate into mortgage! Pay your debt down first thing you get paid! Hit it hard early (Namechange's advice for a frugal May is excellent) and set aside a budget pot for birthdays, Christmas (and be creative with gifts rather than throwing money at them).

Do you have a cash flow spreadsheet? The Humble Penny blog has a good one - I find it invaluable for planning the year ahead and seeing where the lumps are likely to be. I add lots of my own notes.

I would also advise not neglecting an emergency pot - £1000, whatever suits your family needs - so that you don't go into more debt because a car or washing machine breaks down.

And I don't find cash helpful in sticking to a spending plan, personally. I prefer card transactions that show up immediately in my banking apps and I check my balances daily. I find having a daily spending allowance for the remainder of the month after all bills are paid, savings stashed is a useful way of thinking - so if I overcook it one day, it has to be balanced out with No Spend Days.

you can do 2k a month repayment. 5 years x 12 months a year x 2k = 120k. Pay the £80k off and keep putting the £2k away, you’ll have £40k savings instead by the end of the 5 years. You can do it.

Definitely investigate consolidating the debt into the mortgage. It's likely that interest being charged on your debts is higher than your mortgage. Your current mortgage payments seem quite low compared with your income - adding £80k to your mortgage could be a helpful and affordable solution.

No, it's a crazy idea to suggest she remortgages. I think if she did that the credit cards would start all over again. Such good advice on here otherwise.

Can you downsize your property?

Me too

It sounds a lot, but if you stick to the plan you have outlined, you will be free of debt in a few years. You are clearly realistic and determined to deal with the problem, and you are almost certainly not the only members of your friend group to owe a significant amount, it's not something people tend to talk about.

@scaredPDP
Set up or repurpose an existing account to be a Bills account. Work out your annual expenditure including money for presents, annual payments etc. Divide by 12 and round up, pay this amount into the Bills acct just after pay day. All DD etc come out of this account.
I expect you will find this actually leaves you with less than £2300 a month.
Set up a second standing order of £500 a month to pay off the debt with the highest interest. In 5 years this = £30k, on top of the £2k repayments you are currently making.
Split the remaining money equally as spending etc.
As pp suggested look to get your debt onto as low an interest rate as possible.
Keep a record of all expenditure to see where it is going, and as pp say use MSE to look at where you can save money.
As you save money split 50:50 - 50% off debts 50% into savings.
The money from any freelance work put straight into an ISA/savings account. It will be tempting to spend it, but you need to start building a rainy day fund.

Firstly stop beating yourselves up, lots of people get in debt.
Time to take action.
Personally I would be hitting it and paying it down as fast as possible so less than 5 years since you do have a good income. Look at where you can save on outgoings and get on a strict budget, I would be putting 2 ka month on it, 24 k a year and it is done in just over 3 years.

Do 2.5 K if you are finding 2 k is ok for you as you suggested in your post. I am in the US where people have huge debts from education so 80 k on your income is really not the burden you think it is but the habits that got you there, those need addressing.