AIBU to be pissed off with dh

[beckyfromthewest]

Hi

DH is majorly pissed off with me.

We are late thirties, 3dc's. Since we have been married dh has looked after the household finances. we both have our own accounts but he is the one who sorts out the bills etc. I admit that I have been happy with him doing this.

We got into quite a lot of debt. I knew that we were in debt and dh would mention it to me, but It wasn't something that was discussed often. yesterday I used his laptop as mine has broken and saw the speadsheet that he keeps to track our money situation. We have a lot more debt than I realised and we are spending more on debt repayments than I thought ( would prefer not to share amounts)

I got shitty with him and he said that I was being unreasonable and that he has tried to talk to me, but that it always ends up with him stressed and me angry. He also thinks that I am just as responsible for the debtas he is but I am angry that he didn't tell me how bad it was. I admit that there have been several times when he has transferred my credit card balances to his to help me pay them off. This happened in January the last time when he paid off a 1k debt by transferring it to his card.

AIBU for being shitty with him? I wish he had told me that things were worse than I thought. His view is that I have taken a back seat and have avoided talking about money, and now I am being shitty.

Generally we are a really happy couple and I am not thinking about us not being together or anything like that.

YABU for being shitty with him. He's told you about the debt and you've buried your head and not wanted to know. How can you go through life not knowing about the debt you're in!

I don't understand your lack of curiosity about your own financial situation. Your attitude towards money sounds quite haphazard - racking up credit card debt that he takes on to help you clear.

You sound quite passive in terms of financial management. It's pretty unfair for you to be happy to take a backseat on the day-to-day stuff and not pursue a conversation - or ask any questions. Only to get shirty with your H when you find out things are worse than you'd assumed.

I think you're very unreasonable to he angry at him yes. Either he's tried hard to tell you and you've chosen not to listen ....your fault, or he's deliberately hidden it from you because he thinks you're an airhead/not interested/too emotional/ will Bury your head in the sand/winter pull your belt in.....your fault.
Are you a team? Are you in this together? Other than having a go at him what proposals have you come up with...or are you angry because it his fault and he just needs to make it work (despite COL and a wife with a credit card)

Don’t think the OP is coming back.