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D81 after divorce

9 replies

justwingingit7 · 12/04/2023 15:01

Hi, long time lurker first time posting. I split with my ex husband over two years ago, not a amicable split, our divorce finalised October of last year. He has a very good career - that comes with an excellent pension..when I left him, I told him I wanted none of his pension and he could rest assured I'd never come for it. I wanted a clean break, we had no house or savings to split so I just wanted to walk away and start a fresh. He then came to me last year asking if I would be happy to sign away my right to his pension - I obviously agreed thinking it would be a solicitor writing an agreement and me signing it. Now I've received a d81 form requiring me to put all of my (current) earnings, benefits, savings, debts. Basically I have to completely bare my financial situation to my ex husband who gets a copy of it. I don't want that?! He has no right to see what's in my bank, savings, debts! He was controlling when we were together and I left to go into a refuge so it fills me with dread that he gets such a personal insight into my finances. I don't know if I'm just being dramatic? I don't understand though why they need my current finances for me to sign away his pension? I get nothing out of this, it's me doing it as a favour to him because he obviously doesn't believe I won't go after it in 30 years time. Which I was more than happy to do, until I realised how invasive the process would be. I haven't sought legal help as he told me last year that he had a solicitor and it was straight forward and I'd just basically need to sign something. This isn't what I'd expected. Anyone know much about them? Filled one out before? It says at the bottom that the form is being signed so that assets are divided equally - am I going to end up giving him money or something if his finances are worse than mine? I've worked my arse off the last two years to become debt free and have some savings.

OP posts:
Galwaydivorce · 12/04/2023 18:27

Bumping for you

rwalker · 12/04/2023 18:31

I would of thought it’s a standard procedure irrespective of mutual agreement and this is a std form

justwingingit7 · 13/04/2023 15:17

Yes I think it is a standard procedure - just not at all what I expected when he came to me and said "would you mind signing something to say you don't want my pension" courts and forms were not mentioned to me. Also, I'm not bothered about sending the form..I just don't get why he has to see it before it gets sent to the court. He has no right to see what my incomings, savings and debts are right this minute when we split up two years ago?! X

OP posts:
ScratchedSkirtings · 13/04/2023 16:15

I hate to say this, but if he was so controlling and abusive that you ended up in a refuge- you definitely need legal advice on the divorce. Can the refuge signpost you to some?

justwingingit7 · 13/04/2023 19:48

ScratchedSkirtings · 13/04/2023 16:15

I hate to say this, but if he was so controlling and abusive that you ended up in a refuge- you definitely need legal advice on the divorce. Can the refuge signpost you to some?

I left the refuge two years ago..we are already divorced. This has all started post divorce because he's worried that one day il go after his pension (I wouldn't). I'm definitely going to seek some advice though :) I'm more than happy to send the d81 form I just don't want him to see a copy but I'm probably just being silly?! I just like my finances (Inc benefits, debt and savings!?) to remain personal from a man I left two years ago. X

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 13/04/2023 19:52

If you're already divorced then you don't have to give him anything and you also won't get any rights to his pension that are not already pre-agreed at this point.

Get a solicitor to write him a letter telling him to back off. And change your contact details

justwingingit7 · 13/04/2023 19:55

YukoandHiro · 13/04/2023 19:52

If you're already divorced then you don't have to give him anything and you also won't get any rights to his pension that are not already pre-agreed at this point.

Get a solicitor to write him a letter telling him to back off. And change your contact details

Apparently you're not 'financially' divorced until one of these are in order? So even though we are divorced I could still go after it. X

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eyerollwiththepunches · 13/04/2023 20:01

@justwingingit7 Get legal advice, not Mumsnet advice.

Why did you agree to walk away with nothing?

I would not sign a single thing without consulting a lawyer. Divorce and post-divorce is very complicated (I'm 10 years down this route), and you can't do it without proper legal advice.

justwingingit7 · 13/04/2023 20:07

eyerollwiththepunches · 13/04/2023 20:01

@justwingingit7 Get legal advice, not Mumsnet advice.

Why did you agree to walk away with nothing?

I would not sign a single thing without consulting a lawyer. Divorce and post-divorce is very complicated (I'm 10 years down this route), and you can't do it without proper legal advice.

I came here because Mumsnet is full of people that will have been through a d81 and I could get real time advice instead of booking and waiting for legal advice. After advice on here, yes I will now seek legal advice. I agreed to walk away with nothing because I have no interest in splitting up with someone aged 28 and going after their pension when I'm 65 🤣. If we had actual assets etc I'd be fighting for my half...but his pension doesn't interest me at all.

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