Best way to sort finances within a family

[Teacoaster]

I'm getting married this year. Before I met my partner, I owned my own home outright, no mortgage. I'd taken a few years out of work to study for a degree. Part way through the degree I became pregnant with my first and only child. I hadn't long been with my partner before I fell pregnant We had a big discussion and we decided to keep the baby, he would move in with me (he lived 70 miles away) and we would stay living in my city until I graduated. Fast forward a few years, I graduated (with a first) and I sold my house and bought a new house in my partner's home town. Reasons for moving there was because we had a lot of family support (his side). My family either live overseas or the ones who lived over here all died.

The new house is also in my sole name. When he first came to live with me, he paid for all household bills and food, which was approximately £500 per month. I paid for my own personal bills (car, phone etc). We jointly paid for "things" for baby.

I took a year out of studying to look after baby. I was not entitled to any maternity pay as I was a student, and paid for every day living using some of my savings. When I returned to uni when baby was a year old, I paid for all nursery fees (approx £900 per month) and continued paying all my personal bills. I wasn't entitled to any childcare costs because our joint household income was over the threshold (the threshold is about £18,000 for anyone who is interested). However I was in receipt of higher student maintenance loan (approx. £9000 for the academic year).

Anyway, I graduated, sold house, bought new home and found work. Baby is now entitled to 30 free hours and goes to nursery 4 days a week, with one day with granny. Nursery bill after 30 free hours and 20% tax free scheme is approx £550 a month which I pay, along with my personal bills (about £300 per month, so £850 in total).

My partner still pays £900 per month into our joint account for all household costs, plus he pays for his own personal bills.

As mentioned previously, we are getting married this year and I want things to be less of what he contributes Vs what I contribute, and more what "we" contribute. I've asked for both of our salaries to be paid into our joint account. All bills (household and personal) are to be paid from the joint account. I want to save £500 per month from the joint account if I can into a family savings account, unless anything unexpected costs mean we can't save that month.

Is that the best thing to do? He's has no problems with my suggestion and our salaries as of next month are all ready to be paid into our joint account. But now I'm freaking out that I'm making a bad financial move.

I know I am in a really strong financial position. I am solely named on house deeds, no mortgage and neither he nor I have suggested to add him to the house deeds. I also have savings of about £25k which have shrunk considerably in the last few years as I hadn't been working but was happy to fund myself during that time using my own money.

It was agreed I would pay for the wedding using my savings on the proviso we start saving using funds from our joint account.

The new house I bought also needed some renovations which again I'm paying for out of my savings.

We both mid thirties.

Any advice please? Neither of us have ever been married before, nor have any other children except our own little one.

Correction:
Nursery bill after 30 free hours and 20% tax free scheme is approx £450 a month which I pay, along with my personal bills (about £300 per month, so £750 in total).

It seems ok to me, it's what we do although no separate property. We also each have a personal account and a pre agreed amount goes in each month for spends. So you don't feel awkward if you want to treat yourself or go for lunch etc.

Once you get married he'd be entitled to half the house if you split up, whether or not his name is in the deeds. You might want to think about that.

I was thinking of still having a personal account to transfer some money into for things like birthday present purchasing etc, but otherwise all personal spending would come from our joint account. We mostly go out togetherwith joint friends or as a family, but maybe once or twice a month or so we'd go out without each other but I don't mind paying for that out of the joint account as our "entertainment" costs are fairly equal.

You will be giving him rights over your house if you marry, unless he signs a pre-nup (which may work and may not depending on the circumstances of a divorce). Just be very sure you are comfortable with that.

My husband’s and my salary each get paid into our own separate personal accounts. We then transfer this money to a joint account (for bills and savings etc) other than £X which we keep in our personal accounts and use for personal expenses.

I think about that a lot.

Worst case scenario, we divorce. But we've discussed this too and we'd want 50% custody share so I wouldn't be entitled to maintenance and neither would he. However, I've dug really deep and thought what I'd want for our child if we were to ever split up and that is him to live in a decent house/apartment with each parent, so yes, I would sell the house and share the value 50/50 to ensure our son had a good home with both parents in the event of a divorce. Otherwise I'm not sure my partner could afford to rent a decent place plus have all associated costs of looking after child 50% of the time, plus actually save any money.

Is that too idealistic? 😬

Is that too idealistic? 😬

I suppose it depends on the reasons for divorce and what the relationship has been like beforehand.

I married a man who owned his own house (although mortgaged) almost 40 years ago. We had joint current account for our salaries and joint savings from day one

Has always worked for us. My view is don't get married if you think you might split.. only do it if you're as confident as can be that it'll work.

He now owns the house. I don't. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I would protect your assets. Get the house valued around the time of the wedding and have a deed of trust to say you will share half the value on that date. If you divorce in 5 years 10 years etc it could be worth a lot more and he hasn't paid towards it. Or better still have it valued and he buys in whatever he can afford and have a deed drawn around that. Stuff goes out the window when you dibpvorce and you may not feel so generous when he is having an affair. Has gambled all his money away or has a drink problem

Personally I’d get married, lump all money together (all money shared) and accept that in the case of divorce the house proceeds will be split to ensure both parents have a decent (albeit probably smaller) home. That’s it. No complications.

When DH and I married I owned 80% of my home, 20% mortgage. He paid off the mortgage and the deeds have the house as tenants in common with me owning 80% and him 20%.

All our income goes into one pot; we each have an equal allowance from that to personal accounts for free spending but everything else comes out of the pot. This is regardless of relative income - we’ve both had phases where we’ve been the higher earner.

Works well for us.