Is £500 a month ok to live on after bills?

[forwardsandbackwardsandup]

I'm having a ridiculous argument with my husband and I have so completely lost sight of what is reasonable. After mortgage/bills, food/petrol, all fixed costs etc. we each have around £500 each month. I usually save around £200 and spend the rest on bits and pieces throughout the month. Coffees, train and lunch the one day a week I go into the office. Little bits for the kids. I pay for swimming lessons and another class from that too. I don't feel rich but I also don't feel poor. The classic "comfortable". I have savings built up from this as well as a bigger (not huge, under £20k) savings pot which has had around £10k from inheritance as well as money from the sale of a property from before I even met him. I appreciate having this cushion and the ability to dip into it if need be, although I rarely do.

He gets to the end of his £500 before the end of the month and thinks I am being rude for suggesting that it is easy to live on this. He cycles, doesn't drink or gamble, I have no idea where it goes.

If it matters, I work part time while the kids are young and he works full time. He pays the majority of bills to allow us to be left with the same figure to spend on us each month. He's starting to complain that he is having to "financially carry this family". I've looked into increasing my days but with 2 in nursery me going up to full time only gives us around £80 more per month so doesn't see worth it.

My question: should £500 be easy enough to live on?

I think that's plenty. Certainly a lot more than most people. I normally have around £700 after I've paid all my bills, rent, food, gas etc. I do work from home though so I hardly have any travel costs, and I don't have any kids or a partner. Like you I put most of it in savings each month and give myself £150-£200 for luxuries but most of the time I don't even spend that.

My husband and I keep £300 each but travel etc all over and above that.

Yes, I would think that £500 would be plenty and more than most people have for fun money. If he doesn't drink or gamble (or eat in fancy places very regularly, go away frequently??)I would expect there to be something fairly obvious it goes on too, new bikes, designer clothes etc?

Why don't you sit down together and see what he spends his money on and then decide, together, who's right?

Get him to write down Every penny he spends next month to discover exactly where it DOES go. It may be educational!

It's what we have each for personal spends. Funnily enough DH finds it not enough and I find it plenty.

For him, his regular spends are things like dry cleaning his suits and getting his shirts pressed. Less regular spends are things like new phone/smart watch/new suits cost a fair bit.

I don't totally understand why he struggles, even so!

So, after your essential outgoings, you have a disposable income of £1000.

£500 each for personal spending is plenty.

Tell him to keep a record of every pound spent for a month. He will soon identify where he is wasting money.

Showing him where the iron is could save him plenty 😉

After re-reading the message, the underlying issue is likely not his £500.

Sounds like he begrudges paying for most of the fixed costs and your £500.

Time to have a deeper discussion and get to the root of the problem.

I have suggested that many a time... But he prefers to outsource it. I therefore refuse to up the £500 limit so there we are!

Wow wish I had 500 lol wheres he spending it...me and hubby end up with about 70 each and we both spend on kids mostly or days out or treat each other

Quite bloody right!!

Does he realise that most of yours likely goes on the DC?
Is the £200 you save in joint savings or your personal savings?

You have a grand a month between you to fritter away on luxuries = you are well off.

Just here for the posters who will suggest your husband is paying for 'services' of some description.

In all seriousness, I'd be happy with £500 disposable income per month.

Do you realise that one of the criteria for a Debt Relief Order is that you have less than £75 PER MONTH after all ESSENTIAL outgoings?

You're fine.

Tbh I don't feel well off but I certainly don't feel poor. Our fixed costs have increased by about £300 per month in recent times due to mortgage rate and energy costs increasing etc. I appreciate that lots others live on considerably less, but when I say that to him apparently that makes me a Tory. Like a sort of race to the bottom thing. I manage all our money. I have an elaborate spreadsheet to work it all out and the bills all come from my account (a legacy from when he moved into my flat and I had bills all set up already) so I just give him a figure and he hands it over. This month it was 75% of his income whereas mine was only 50%. It isn't always so high but we had some unexpected costs of £350 this month. I think that's the problem, when there's an unaccounted for cost and suddenly he's spiralling into doom and gloom and we're so poor and the world is going to end. Whereas I can see longer term.

£509 each is great, but if there’s an unevenness in how much you are both contributing then it isn’t really fair I guess? If he contributed 75% of his lower wage I can see where he would be unhappy. Surely you should be contributing proportionately. Or combining both incomes and splitting evenly.

Oh sorry I just reread your original post and I have it mixed up, I thought you were the main wage earner. Confusing you with another thread!

@puffylovett1 thanks, so exactly as we are doing! When I first went on mat leave I had done two sets of calculations, one which left us with equal free money each month, and one which left me with £200 a month and him with whatever else. We both agreed that this option wasn't fair and to stick with us both having equal free cash. I think it's hard for him to see how "little" I contribute in money but I more than make up for it in running the house and nurturing our children. Nevermind the cost that nursery would be for the 2 days I don't work anyway!

Is there a difference between the amount you both spend on travel/lunch/coffee? You said you were only going into the office one day a week. Does he do the same? If he goes in more often, he might be spending more while he is at work. The cost of lunch and coffee can really mount up if he is buying them every day. As other posters have suggested, if he recorded how he spent his £500 he'd be able to see whether it's reasonable or not.

£1k between you for non essential spending is so much!! If he is running out, get him to track what he spends in a month and see where it goes. Stupid comment he made as wel, if you choose to have children, most likely one parent will contribute more financially and the other by doing more child care.

Easily! 500 is more than I spend in a month INCLUDING food and gas/electricity/internet bills (not including rent). Admittedly I don't have children and some of 'your' 500 isn't going on you, hopefully also some of 'his' 500 likewise.

It's quite manageable @forwardsandbackwardsandup
But what does your dh burn the amount on ?

Very generous amount. Some people could manage on a quarter of that.