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Original poster

BF just come into money

20 replies

sarahh96 · 26/02/2023 20:25

My BF has just come into a HUGE inheritance, and I do mean huge!
I'm really happy for her etc but I can't help feeling jealous.
I am struggling financially, house is cold all the time, usual cost of living crap that we're all going through and I'm trying so so hard to be happy/pleased for her but, I can't help feeling negative about her good fortune.
It's awful of me, I feel ashamed of how I'm feeling and, of course, I would never voice any of this to her, but how am I going to get passed this?
Anyone else been here?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 26/02/2023 20:28

Presumably someone she cared for has died?

Original poster
sarahh96 · 26/02/2023 20:33

@AnneLovesGilbert no, it was a very distant relative that lived at the other end of the country. She hadn't seen her since she was small but was the only living relative

OP posts:
SoonToBeQueenCamilla · 26/02/2023 20:37

You have two options - deal with your feelings yourself / see a counsellor / nominee a self help group / practice gratitude/ whatever works for you. And then be nice to her about it.

You don’t have to conjure up feelings of happiness, you just need to behave as if you were happy for her. Fake it until you make it.

Or let yourself be eaten up by jealousy, make yourself unhappy and lose a friend.

Your choice. This is your issue not hers to deal with.

PinkFrogss · 26/02/2023 20:41

Totally get it OP, it is difficult Flowers

I’d give yourself some time to feel angry and upset about the unfairness of everything, acknowledge your feelings, and then do your best to distract yourself and move on

Original poster
sarahh96 · 26/02/2023 20:42

@SoonToBeQueenCamilla you're absolutely right. I need to grow up and be grateful for what I've got. Envy is a very destructive trait.

OP posts:
Littlebluedinosaur · 26/02/2023 20:42

I’ve recently found out that my close friends have become multi millionaires. I’m not jealous but I am conscious that some of our previous conversation topics are no longer relevant (worries about affording things mainly!). I’m worried our friendship will be affected. I don’t have multi hundreds never mind millions.

PinkFrogss · 26/02/2023 20:46

sarahh96 · 26/02/2023 20:42

@SoonToBeQueenCamilla you're absolutely right. I need to grow up and be grateful for what I've got. Envy is a very destructive trait.

Nobody’s perfect OP, don’t be too hard on yourself - your feelings are totally natural

PillBoxes · 26/02/2023 20:46

I don't think I would have said anything to my friends if it had been me.

Why would you, unless you intended to gift them something? Kind of like pushing your face into it and MAKING you envious. In my opinion she should have said nothing.

Original poster
sarahh96 · 26/02/2023 20:48

@Littlebluedinosaur I think you've just hit the nail of the head. Whereas before we would moan about cost of food/heating bills, now, I feel like I'm playing the poor me card. It could come across, to her, that I'm asking for money (which I am not!)
Really don't want to end up with her thinking, every time we meet, all I do is moan about finances.

OP posts:
Original poster
sarahh96 · 26/02/2023 20:50

@PillBoxes true, but we are very close. She is on a huge spending spree at the mo, which isn't helping.

OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 26/02/2023 20:51

sarahh96 · 26/02/2023 20:42

@SoonToBeQueenCamilla you're absolutely right. I need to grow up and be grateful for what I've got. Envy is a very destructive trait.

How many digits are we talking?

Original poster
sarahh96 · 26/02/2023 20:52

@Hawkins003 7 plus!!!!

OP posts:
PillBoxes · 26/02/2023 20:53

Well did she offer to bring you out shopping, or for dinner or anything like that? I still think she should not have told you. Or at the very least minimised it and treated you to something small as a mark of your very close friendship and her good fortune.

But you know each other better than I do I suppose.

Original poster
sarahh96 · 26/02/2023 20:54

@PillBoxes nope!!! Too busy shopping in London........ there I go again! Bitching!

OP posts:
PillBoxes · 26/02/2023 20:59

No you are not bitching, in fact it is a very normal reaction. She is of course not obliged to treat you to anything, but I honestly would question her motives of telling you if she doesn't make some gesture.

Maybe she will! But on another note, she would have known for quite some time that this inheritance was coming her way via the executors etc. so could have planned a little surprise for her very "close" friend couldn't she?

I don't understand how people can be so oblivious to others around them less fortunate than themselves. She doesn't have to buy you a house or anything, just make a gesture of kindness. Otherwise she should have kept her mouth shut!

Original poster
sarahh96 · 26/02/2023 21:02

@PillBoxes it's all still very new for her so perhaps she will take me for afternoon tea at some stage, that would be nice

OP posts:
PillBoxes · 26/02/2023 21:03

Do come back and let us know if she does! But as I said, she would have known about this for some time before the loot dropped into her account.

SoonToBeQueenCamilla · 26/02/2023 21:40

sarahh96 · 26/02/2023 20:42

@SoonToBeQueenCamilla you're absolutely right. I need to grow up and be grateful for what I've got. Envy is a very destructive trait.

I didn’t say you needed to grow up. But yes you do need to deal with your own feelings. It’s fine / totally normal to have strong feelings about it. It’s just you need to deal with then yourself, if you don’t want to lose the friendship .

Kerrybemmy · 26/02/2023 21:46

My BFs mother is a millionaire, but my BF has to claim disability benefits, she won't financially support him because he has Schizophrenia and she's worried about him doing stupid stuff with the money. He has to wait till she dies before he inherits anything around £2.2 million I believe. It's a really bizarre situation because he's extremely impoverished and relies on food banks. I'm not jealous but think she should at least give him a an allowance to live off, which she does with her other children. I'm fed up of having to give him my money when I'm skint myself.

Hawkins003 · 26/02/2023 21:50

sarahh96 · 26/02/2023 20:52

@Hawkins003 7 plus!!!!

Not bad indeed, I can understand your perspectives.

See with me this is why the only person that would know my windfall, if I ever got one would be the bank teller.

Keeps it simple then.

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