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Original poster

Child maintenance

15 replies

Mike9 · 20/02/2023 23:38

We seperated a couple of years ago. We were unmarried. Kept in the same house for the sake of our child (8) and her child (14). I work away monday to friday which helps with the seperation. I pay for everything, the mortgage, bills, insurance, food, clothing. Everything. And i dont resent this, it makes moving on difficult but i dont see how i couldnt pay for those things. Now, ill be moving out soon and my ex has made this transition harder and harder than it needs to be. Ive asked her repeatedly to get a job so that she can pay for food (i will still pay for everything else), but i need that food money. Which is only a part time job. But she refuses and i suspect will be claiming child maintenance the second i leave. Does anyone know what i should do? I cant make her get a job and i already know she will let the kids go without and genuinely believe me to be blame

OP posts:
MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 20/02/2023 23:42

Take your child with you if you genuinely think she will make them go without.

She's entitled to claim maintenance. You don't have to pay maintenance and all the bills!

Comefromaway · 20/02/2023 23:44

I think you both need legal advice with regards to custody of your child. You will also need to pay child support for your child. You won’t be expected to pay towards her child.

if she has majority custody finding a job to work around the school hours of an 8 year old might be difficult and what you pay should reflect that. However you also need to live.

PeekAtYou · 20/02/2023 23:45

You have to pay child maintenance.
Take your name off the current bills and pay her the current total of the bills that you're happy to pay. She will need things to be like that to claim benefits (assuming that she will claim them)

PeekAtYou · 20/02/2023 23:51

If the amount that you give her is more than the CMS amount then she'd be a fool to make a claim because she'd have less money from you.

There is a few sites with CM calculators.

If you really think that she will make your child go without then go for 50/50 custody of your child. There will be no maintenance owed so you will be able to ensure that your child is provided for at least 50% of the time.

Original poster
Mike9 · 21/02/2023 00:14

In order to afford 2 house holds i have to keep working away. I could take him every weekend, but i couldnt do 50/50 without having to stop paying her bills first. Im reasonable, ive been hoping she would get a job and i could slowly swap the bills over, but if she doesnt agree do i just stop paying the bills one by one? Seems insane

OP posts:
MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 21/02/2023 00:17

But its not up to you to pay for 2 households.
You need to pay whatever rate of maintenance you should pay based on cms amounts as an absolute minimum.
But she needs to pay some of the bills too.

Rtmhwales · 21/02/2023 00:21

Who's name is the mortgage in? Can the property be sold?

Original poster
Mike9 · 21/02/2023 00:33

Its in my name and the mortgage. She did put money down towards the deposit which ill never be pretending she didnt. But its been 5 years and i pay it. Because i own the house i dont even think she can get benefits. Thats our childrens home, i dont want to them to have to leave, thats why im happy to help pay for them to live there. But i dont even think she can get benefits without leaving and taking them to her mums little house miles from there schools.

OP posts:
MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 21/02/2023 00:35

She should still be able to get benefits, just not the housing element.

Comefromaway · 21/02/2023 00:38

She won’t get the housing element of universal credit so she won’t be able to pay you rent. But she will be able to claim benefits. With an 8 year old she will. E expected to look for work up to 25 hours per week.

greenspaces4peace · 21/02/2023 00:44

i'm not sure if i understand correctly but please don't be a wet noodle.
downsizing or children moving schools is not the end of the world, when parents separate things change and your ex will need to quit manipulating you and equally move on (which will be moving out). split assets, move out, and arrange suitable day care for your children.

Original poster
Mike9 · 21/02/2023 00:49

Greenspace. Thats probably fair. I just want the best situation for the kids. But it could be that it will end up best just putting a line through it

OP posts:
greenspaces4peace · 21/02/2023 00:56

@Mike9 you need to value your emotional health and looking forward your own financial health (the kids will most likely need support come uni and you in retirement).
the children should not be used to pull at your heartstrings. being a decent parent does mean making some difficult choices.
get a mediator/lawyer and make steps to move forward in life.

R2023 · 21/02/2023 07:31

If you have shared over night stay (your child staying with you also) then you wouldn’t be paying the full amount of child maintenance. Also keep all receipts of what you pay for.

x

PeekAtYou · 21/02/2023 08:48

Are you planning on paying her bills for the rest of her life or stopping when your child is 18 ? The longer that you avoid this argument, the harder it will be because if things don't change she will find it harder to afford bills like housing.

It's ok if children have to move house. It is better to do it now when they are younger.

Don't you feel like you will regret not maximizing your time with your child rather than working so much that she doesn't have to ? Just tell her that in x months you will stop paying Y do she has time to sort something out. it's good that you're paying more than the minimum but it sounds like she is taking advantage of you and it won't be easier to sort this when the child is older than now.

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