DH is not contributing to household cost reasonably.

[Kalista018]

Is there any legal guideline for ensuring a spouse with X income should at least put Y amount of money to support a family? I used to have a full-time job before I got married, but after having two children, it is impossible to continue my old job, so I have been freelancing or contract base jobs here and there for the last few years. DH is very conscious about the money I spend for living and always needs to know every penny it goes. But he is very generous and careless with his spending, saying I make this money so I can do whatever I want. He thinks I should go out and earn for myself if I want more money. and it is even getting abusive. He also keeps mentioning the area I am not good at as a mum and trying to reduce me to near useless being, saying I am a shit mum etc. I feel incredibly vulnerable, and it is affecting my mental health. Can I get any help legally? He also threatened me that if I wanted a divorce, I won't keep the children, and he won't pay me any money even if I won custody. Obviously, I don't want a divorce, but I need some help.

You need a divorce, get a solicitor

Get a full time contracted job and bring your own money in. Makes it easier to walk away from someone financially controlling.

There's no magic percentage. ( I assume that there's no social services risk because the kids are being neglected )

He would be able to go for 50% custody and pay no maintenance but would be responsible for 50% of the childcare. (I'm assuming this is why you can't go back) Unless he has family willing to help that is expensive

In event of a divorce you'd get at least 50% of the assets like house equity and his pension. He won't be able to avoid paying that even if your name is not on them since you are married.

Do you have plans to work more? If there's anything you can do then I'd be getting my ducks in a row to make it happen because if he initiates a split then you'd be vulnerable with no access to money for a while.

Go full time and make sure he dies his share of the kids and house work. Facing that, you can divorce and at least have the security of a FT income. No, there are no requirement for a spouse to support them financially unless you are claiming benefits as a couple.

If there's a law to ensure that each partner makes a fair financial contribution within a marriage (and i'm guessing there isn't) how would this be enforced? By a court? What would it be like living with your husband then...? No, better to divorce him.

Why don’t you want a divorce? He sounds horrible and unlikely to magically change.

Not sure why you don’t want a divorce-he is just saying these things to control you. Don’t assume he is right. You are married so you may have more than you think.

See a solicitor quietly and find out what your legal rights are re money/children etc.

If you need a law to force your DH to be a decent human your marriage is beyond help.
get a divorce

It’s not obvious why you don’t want to divorce a man who is being abusive to you.

He is being financially abusive. Firstly, you need to get your own reliable income. He can pay half the childcare costs, they are his children too. Secondly, he is wrong that he would get custody and pay you no money if you divorce him. Assuming you live in the UK, that is not how the law works. In most cases, you will be entitled to half the marital assets and you are likely to be the parent with care, with him being awarded a set amount of time with the children.

Thanks for all the comments. Although it is not what I wanted to hear, I saw that coming. I feel terrible because I feel like I came here for validation. I did not put many details about my story, but it isn't straightforward because we don't live in the UK. We are ex-pats. I did have a consultation with a solicitor, and she told me what to do and what to expect to happen. It is a quite complicated task, to be honest. It will be hard for all of us as we don't live in the UK. The reason why I asked this question is to see if there is any supporting legal system for a woman in marriage to have some degree of financial identity and independence in the UK so that I can get at least benchmark that and reason him not to be too nosy around every penny I spend although it is his money. Where we live, there aren't any decent jobs for married women with kids with minimal qualifications. And he is using that against me, saying I will have a shit life anyway if I return to the UK. It is making me very depressed. But he doesn't want to move as he makes a substantial amount of money. Every time I bring this up, he criticizes me, calling me a selfish, narcissistic bitch, and I must be grateful that I don't have to do rat races like in the UK and be an ex-pat wife with easy life doing just school runs and supermarket runs. I also don't want to raise my children as spoiled ex-pat brats. He is saying that they are comfortable and happy living here. If I don't like this lifestyle, I should quietly leave them. The conversation has been switched to a different topic, but the bottom line is I feel incredibly stuck in my finances and relationship.

Do you have their passports? Are they British citizens?
Do you have family here?

Book flights and bring them back to the UK. Then start divorce proceedings.

They always threaten you ek t keep the children. It's crap.

You definitely need a divorce.

The answer is that within marriage there's no legal framework for support as you described, but financial abuse is something that the court recognises in divorce proceedings. You basically have the choice of being financially subordinate to him or leaving

Divorce. Go for cms. He is financially abusive. You would be better away from him. The threats about him keeping the children is to keep you down and to do as he wants.

@vivainsomnia

"Go full time and make sure he dies...."

Thats one way to solve the OP's problem!

Have you looked into remote work? There's more jobs now that allow full time WFH. That could be an answer to getting some independence back.