Hi all, I'm looking for some advice please (sorry it's a long post).
My DH and I each have 2 children from previous relationships. All four are aged between 11-17. My children live with us. DH's children live a 2.5 hour drive away with their mum. DH picks them up every other Friday night and they stay over for the weekend.
We are both in minimum wage paid jobs and receive UC. I receive child maintenance from my ex for my children and DH pays child maintenance for his. My children both have disabilities and are also in receipt of DLA.
I manage the main household finances as my wages and benefits are all paid into the main bank account which most of the direct debits come out of. This includes all household bills, my childrens additional financial needs (due to disabilities), some of DH car expenses, food, leisure, clothing, birthdays, holiday, Christmas. I have therefore have the most income. DH pays £100 a week into this main account. He then pays his child maintenance and a few of his own bills e.g. his car expenses and then has a little spending money in his own account left over each month for his own personal use.
DH thinks that all 4 children should be treated exactly the same in terms of having the same amount of money spent on them for Christmas, birthdays and birthday celebrations. He thinks that if we have a day trip out with my children, we should then take his put for the day (theme park/zoo/cinema etc).
I feel this isn't right. His children have their mum and their home. She receives child maintenance, child benefit, universal credits and so on for them (their mum doesn't work).
When it is one of DH's childrens birthdays we spend the same amount on gifts as we would when it is one of my children's birthdays. We also spend the same amount on celebrations such as going out for a meal. DH's children get 2 celebrations as they also get gifts and a celebration from their mum. This is the same with Christmas and a yearly holiday. My children receive gifts from their dad but have never had any celebrations for birthdays etc with him. He has taken them on UK short break holidays about 3 times since they were born/we separated 10 years ago.
I feel that alot of our income is generated by having my 2 children. We struggle financially to squeeze everything in and make sure all 4 children have the same. I think it is more fair that they get more spent on them for birthdays, Christmas, holidays etc than DHs children. I feel that if I wanted to take my children abroad to visit my family DH would refuse to come because it wouldn't be fair for his children not to come. We couldn't afford to take all four and I feel my 2 are missing out and not seeing relatives because of this.
I love my DHs children dearly and struggle to have the heart to even tell DH I would like to take my 2 children abroad to visit our family. I would never see his children go without but feel my own children are missing out on much more that they could have had because my finances are being divided to include DHs children too.
What are your thoughts around this please?