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Original poster

fixed term coming to end, marrige ended...I cant afford the mortgage.

31 replies

doozledog · 22/12/2022 19:07

in a nut shell:

joint own property for 16 months with Exh, he's not paid his half of the mortgage for the last 4 months. ( he wants to sell) our 2yr fixed term comes to a end in may. I want to stay in the property for the sake of our LB who is 6. I have kept the bank updated on my situation and today i rang to talk about the mortgage rates, obviously exh (no relationship ,not civil at all) wont re mortgage with me so as long as he keeps his name on the property I would be switched to a variable which is a whopping 6.9% as it stands today. i absolutely can't afford that at all. I am currently paying his half of the mortgage with his maintenance . I'm working 25hrs a week and claiming UC. Rent in my area is more then my current mortgage and the council said i cant even go on the list till i have sold the house. i have no family to stay with either, I'm having a absolute melt down, i'm scared to death i'm going to have nowhere to go.

i've contacted a mortgage advisor and I'm looking for solicitors but i cant even afford a solicitor!

I know we could sell it but this is my childs home, i ultimately know i will have to sell which is a terrible shame and will go down as my biggest failure

any help or advice welcome.

OP posts:
mistletoemondays · 22/12/2022 19:13

Sorry to hear about your separation OP.

Have you put all your figures into the mortgage rate calculator on Money Supermarket? You can select to only look at fixed rate mortgages and it will give you the live rates.

Do you have an idea of these things:

  • how much you paid for your house when you bought it
  • how much it's worth now (Google your address and Zoopla will give you an estimate)
  • how you and your exH plan to split any equity
  • what an affordable monthly payment would be for you

If the payment is too high you can look at extending your mortgage term, and even interest only mortgages. This is where you don't pay off any of the actual mortgage, just the interest, so the payment will be cheaper but it's only a short term solution really.

SausageMonkey2 · 22/12/2022 19:13

Call London and Country. It’s free. They might get you a better rate.

SausageMonkey2 · 22/12/2022 19:14

Though if renting UC will kick in if you don’t have savings

bozzabollix · 22/12/2022 19:16

We have a fab mortgage advisor who I talked about this with, he’s extending peoples terms to make it affordable. Definitely go to an independent mortgage advisor who can arrange this, when hopefully rates come down you can bring the term down again.

SenoritaNaturista · 22/12/2022 19:16

Have you space to take in a lodger - rent out a room while looking at the options above…

JugglingJanuary · 22/12/2022 19:17

I'm sorry you're in this position& have gone through breaking up with DS's Dad.

Is he not seeing DS at all? Does he not care about him having a stable home, would he really see him in a B&B with other families etc? (If you coukd even get in one).

Can you think of anyone that would go in with you to buy him out? Either as an investment or to live with you there.

In your position I'd be pushing the mortgage advisor to find somewhere that would lend me the money & doing what I could to earn extra money. It's worth it to stay in your own home.

best of luck 🤞🏼

Rudolphscarrot · 22/12/2022 19:20

Do you have legal expenses cover on your home insurance that could help you with solicitor costs?

Do you need to stay in the same area if you have no family nearby? Can you work remotely or is there a cheaper town not too far away? I know it will affect DS schooling but sometimes needs must.

There will be a solution. It must be so scary though so big hugs.

Original poster
doozledog · 22/12/2022 19:26

he sees his child once a week separated 7 months and he's only just starting overnight contact, and he's already let him down. he's a massive narcissist and i don't think he cares all that much to be honest. he just wants money from the house and we actually wont walk away with much at all maybe 10k each if were lucky.

OP posts:
Original poster
doozledog · 22/12/2022 19:27

I'm terrified. if only the fixed rate was for a few more years I would of been able to mange it. I have family but no one we can move in with.

OP posts:
BlueBellIris · 22/12/2022 19:30

If you have to sell your house it will not be your biggest failure. Too many women desperately try to keep the FMH to ensure stability for the children. It is entirely admirable, but it often becomes a millstone round their neck.

Have you looked at shared ownership? The advantage of this is you could take the equity from the sale so buy the owned bit, but you can then still claim the rent bit of UC.

MrsMoastyToasty · 22/12/2022 19:34

Tell him if he can't pay the mortgage and if you can't pay the mortgage then it will fuck up his credit score just as much as yours.

redredwineub40 · 22/12/2022 19:37

Agree with others, although scary you need to broaden your net for advice as there are some options as have been suggested - mortgage broker, extending term and lodger. It isn't forever either, rates will come back down somewhat.

Can you calculate the max you could pay per month, then you'll know what you need your new deal to be to avoid selling.

Fireflygal · 22/12/2022 19:40

Of course look to see what a mortgage broker says but if your salary is low the chances of remortgaging without Ex on the mortgage might be slim.

What is the ratio of salary to mortgage required?

If you pass this hurdle it maybe possible to pay the mortgage but you would need to go through affordability criteria.

It isn't a failure to sell the house, often the charge can be beneficial as a fresh start. You have to work the numbers to determine if its possible but do consider moving to a cheaper area..do you have family around?

Els1e · 22/12/2022 19:53

SenoritaNaturista · 22/12/2022 19:16

Have you space to take in a lodger - rent out a room while looking at the options above…

This is what I did when in similar situation. I took a lodger, Monday to Friday only. It worked well and gave me time to sort finances out. If you do it under government rent a room scheme, possibly no tax to pay.

Original poster
doozledog · 22/12/2022 20:18

ive made him aware...his words work..." fine defult then, only lasts 5 years"

you can see what im up against

OP posts:
Littlepuddytat · 22/12/2022 20:21

But .. just staying put in the home with no plan for how he was going to get his share of the equity out was never going to end well. Your child will settle into a new home. If you agree to put it on the market will he start paying his half of the mortgage while the sale process goes through?

Original poster
doozledog · 22/12/2022 22:12

very doubtful as he wont pay maintence and mortgage.

OP posts:
FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 22/12/2022 22:20

Do you have the option of working fulltime instead of 25hrs? What would that do for your income compared to current with UC top up? Would that allow you to borrow at a better rate and enough to cover getting him off the mortgage?

Treeeeeeee · 22/12/2022 23:19

What were you planning on doing as your plan to just stay in the property forever with him on the mortgage was never going to work. Why haven't you found a full time job/increasing your earnings since separating so you at least stand some chance of getting a mortgage alone. You need to start taking some responsibility and not blame him for al of this

Jmaho · 23/12/2022 09:27

Can you not just do a product switch with your current lender instead of a re mortgage? We usually do that as the rate we are offered is normally as good as anything out there. You can usually do it online. Takes five minutes

Callisto1 · 23/12/2022 09:39

I think a product transfer needs signatures from both of them. So if he wants to sell that won't work.

PicaK · 23/12/2022 12:29

I've been where you are. I sold the house. It was an utter wrench to go through and to sell. Letting go of that home was the most miserable thing I've ever done. I felt a failure like you
But then the joy of starting afresh unfolds. It's a slow burner. But it's real. I'm not a failure. I provide a warm and loving home for my kids. And it's all mine.
Sell. Cut those ties to your ex and go.

But do chat to a good solicitor

flirtygirl · 23/12/2022 14:22

It's best to sell the house and go to social housing as homeless. If you can never afford to buy him out, he will always make a problem for you over the house.

You need to cut all links with him.

You should also keep child contact to a minimum. If he is a narcissist then you will be doing your child a massive favour going forward.
Read up on narcissistic relationships.

If you stay tied to him over the house you will suffer for years to come. He will make sure if that.

Selling the house is not failure, you can have a great family home with your son, when you get housed. Warm secure and a long time home. Don't let ex know your address, he doesn't have a right to know it.

Do not go into private rented, sit tight after selling the home and be rehoused. May take a while but worth it in the longterm, both financially and rental secure. Pay off all your debts or get a car if you have any equity.

flirtygirl · 23/12/2022 14:25

Remember when selling that you will receive your share plus the amount due when you paid the mortgage alone. Don't walk away with a penny less.

Don't accept informal maintenance from a narcissist. Go to cms.

Keep a record of everything, record calls and send emails or messages if possible.

PeekAtYou · 23/12/2022 14:28

Children cope with moving house. At 6 he will probably see it as an adventure and very exciting. I know it doesn't help with the dilemma that rents are more than mortgage but if you have to change his school then he's at a good age for it.
I am sorry that you're in your situation and hope that others have more practical help but I have moved house and school with a 6yo and it went well for us

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