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Original poster

Divorce Settlement

33 replies

Gingernut55 · 10/12/2022 23:42

Just looking for some advice. I’ve been married for 27 years and suspected my husband was having an affair. Suspicions confirmed in October when I found his shirt covered in lipstick and foundation. He tried to deny it at first but then left saying we hadn’t been happy for ages. Shes 28. We’re both 55. He is a Director of the firm he works for and he works with her. He earns £90k pa. I gave up full-time employment in 2000 when I had my daughter. I started back part-time when she started school in 2005. I earn around £9k. This suited our lifestyle as I ran the home, looked after our daughter, whilst he built his career. He’s now saying 50/50 split on the house and I can keep the remainder of the money I inherited from my parents (about £70k). I’m happy to get a full time job but it’s not going to happen overnight. Just wondered if anyone had been in a similar position.

OP posts:
Remagirl · 11/12/2022 23:56

In the UK inheritance doesn't generally count as a marital asset. I'm guessing he's aware of that and is using it to make you think he is being generous.

caringcarer · 12/12/2022 00:40

You need to find a better solicitor. You will need to list all assets on Form E. This includes items of value like cars and jewelry. The house will need to be valued to find how much equity is there. Any credit card debt will be shared no matter whose it is. As your dd is 22 she is no longer classed as a dependent. Therefore the likelihood is you will share equity in house, pension share, trade off cars/jewelry etc. You will get a clean break and you will be expected to get a full time job. The house will need to be sold and you will need to find alternative accommodation. You could ask husband to continue to help support DD but he would not have to.

AutumnColours9 · 12/12/2022 00:57

I went through similar and exDH had several pensions worth much more than the equity. I was a SAHM to a large family. Although had gone back to work some time before he left (not his first OW so I wanted to be less dependent on going forward, so glad i did).
In the end I got all the house and a share of his pensions. So I wouldn't settle until know all the facts.

Original poster
Gingernut55 · 12/12/2022 08:40

Because it suited my husband and I to work part time

OP posts:
DailyMailReporterTellMeAllYourSecrets · 12/12/2022 11:37

Sandia1 · 11/12/2022 00:01

I'm really sorry to hear that your husband has not treated you well and had an affair. He earns a lot more than you and that is partly down to you, because you have supported him. So your daughter is grown up now, and therefore there would be no talk of child maintenance. However, if you went through a solicitor, you would absolutely be entitled to spousal maintenance, which takes into account the fact that he has built up his career and you have been at home supporting him (and doing everything in the house, I expect). It may well then be worth going through a solicitor for this reason. His future earning potential is a lot higher than yours, so you need to have that taken into account. You can't earn as much as him overnight (if you ever will). You would also be entitled to more than 50/50 of the assets. Arm yourself with knowledge. For starters, go to as many different solicitors as you can to get some free advice. Have a clear list of your situation to save wasting time explaining it, as some only give a free half hour. Even if it costs you a few grand to go through a solicitor, it could be worth a lot more in the long run. Your other alternative is mediation, but they cannot make the decisions for you. If you know your rights/what a judge would be likely to award you in court, you will be in a much better position. Good luck and don't let him get away with not supporting you.

She won’t get spousal maintenance. If she gets 50/50 of the house and assets and their child is grown up then the judge will laugh her out of court and tell her to get a better job.

@Gingernut55 Really sorry this has happened to you, what a wanker.

BadSantaToo · 12/12/2022 11:45

My solicitor told me that if you even wanted to try to claim spousal you have to be actively seen to be job seeking and that was at 60. However as has been said most judges prefer a clean break.

NoelNoNoel · 12/12/2022 13:24

I would bet his pension pot is worth at least half a million, if he won’t give you this information hire a forensic accountant to get it. As you are 55 you may be able to start living on your share of the pension.

Testina · 12/12/2022 22:30

Another one weighing in to say that I have 3 personal pensions that are all 100% paper-free. And that’s without me making an active decision to hide them!

It would also simply be an unusual situation for someone on £90K not to bother with the huge amount they would gain with 40% tax relief. Most directors on £90K are not financially illiterate or foolish people.

As part of disclosure I’d be looking very carefully at payslips and bank statements.

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