Endless debt do we relocate?

[Debtnightmare]

Hi all! In desperate need of some advice please bare with me it’s probably a long one! Me and my other half have racked up a crazy amount of debt essentially buying a house using H2B that we couldn’t really afford and both having long term sick periods and a surprise 3rd baby now 6 months, already have a 4 and 5 year old. Have spoken to everyone, the banks, mortgage advisors, stepchange etc and our options are as follows:

• sell the house pay off the debt but then unable to afford another house or rent where we currently live,
• remortgage to hopefully pay off majority of debt and H2B equity loan but with current interest rates we’d be paying out exactly what we do now which we can only just cover month by month even though we both earn what should be a decent wage! This means nothing left over for emergencies or a life!
• muddle through as we are with all debt and hope the interest rates drop considerably asap so we can remortgage with better rates (obv not going to happen!)

OR,

move 250 miles up North back to where I’m originally from which is where I’ve essentially always wanted to go back to but never had the chance. Be debt free, have a nice deposit for another house and some savings in the bank finally for emergencies and also have the opportunity to change career for both of us as we’d be able to afford the pay cut which would never be an option here (I have an interview next week for the first step in my dream career). Sounds like a no brainer HOWEVER

I have multiple health problems and could potentially require a considerable operation at some point (hopefully no time soon) but my care is under a hospital in London and they are amazing. I don’t know if I could keep it with them or if I’d have to move it. Also my partners ENTIRE family live here and although they all work, would be there if needed for help with childcare etc (not day to day we can go weeks without seeing them but they’d be there if we needed them desperately). They also recently have had babies so cousins are all similar ages and would essentially grow up together. Up North I have my mum and sister but they have their own difficulties and although I don’t doubt they would be helpful if needed and I could help them out etc them and my best friend are the only 3 people we would have there. When I think about our future and where we’d be happiest and financially better off I think it’s there but are we silly leaving all that family behind? School holidays are every 6 weeks and if we were there we could actually afford to come and visit but Should we muddle through for a few years and hope it eventually gets better but then that’d mean disturbing both boys school if it didn’t improve, middle child is not due to start until next September. What would you do???

thank you if you got this far!! Should add as well although I don’t like the county we live the village we are in is lovely and perfect for the kids and the school our eldest is in perfect. I’m just worried I will drag them miles away and it will all be for nothing!

It’s difficult and you will get widely varying answers on here, but personally I think I would move.

as for the hospital, I’m pretty sure you could stay with the London one, bit check this! In any case I’m sure a local one would give good care too.

good luck!

It's a hard one

I think the first thing you need to decide is whether to stay or move - and if you stay decide steps forward?

Current situation -

NegativeDebtExpensive HousingDislike County (Wider area)Not close to your familyLimited options for both your careersPositiveClose to DH familyAccess to suitable/good healthcareLike VillageGood school

Move 250 miles away -

Negative

Less family support overall?
Uncertainty around healthcare - expecting it to be worse?
Uncertainty around schools?

Positives

Closer to your family
No debt
Affordable housing
Better opportunities in both your careers

What do you think of the area you are moving too? Do you still know it well? What are the schools like?

I don't know what happened to paragraphs - try this one

Current situation -

Negative

Debt
Expensive Housing
Dislike County (Wider area)
Not close to your family
Limited options for both your careers

Positive

Close to DH family
Access to suitable/good healthcare
Like Village
Good school

Move 250 miles away -

Negative

Less family support overall?
Uncertainty around healthcare - expecting it to be worse?
Uncertainty around schools?

Positives

Closer to your family
No debt
Affordable housing
Better opportunities in both your careers
What do you think of the area you are moving too? Do you still know it well? What are the schools like?

How bad is muddling through every month?

Tricky, but based on my experience don't make any big decisions whilst pregnant or in the first year post birth.

@Thomasina79 Thank you! Definitely worth checking about the hospital, there are other options that are probably just as good as well I just haven’t experienced them but will look into sticking with London, I’d be happy to travel when needed!

@Janey878 I love the area we’d be going to, it’s more city than rural and very student based but it’s what I was used to and everything is a lot more accessible as well as so many places to take the kids on weekends/holidays. I loved growing up there, not sure if my partner would feel the same. He’s very happy where we are currently! There are some lovely schools so I wouldn’t be concerned about that and I know my eldest would settle in well. If we are unable to remortgage we literally have no option I don’t think but I think I just worry about the family situation.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers up to now we have been having to pay for our food on the credit card and the same with anything we’ve got for Christmas. If we are able to remortgage and my partner get back to work asap we will bring in basically just enough to cover our direct debits debt repayment and the bare minimum we can spend on food and petrol - with not a penny left for anything else. Family have offered to help when we need it but this obviously isn’t forever. Oh should have added as well we have no childcare until September and I am due back off maternity in March!

I would absolutely move to be free of the debt. Get stabilized in an affordable lifestyle and then visit the family more.

I think it's a good opportunity for you to break free of debt and travel around the UK is not too horrible if you want kids to see cousins.

I would move. There will likely be a good hospital near where you move to also unless your health condition is something that needs very specialized surgery. Debt and money worries wear you down in the long run. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I can imagine it's a huge decision but the negatives of moving are mainly question marks, not all of which are going to turn out badly. I assume you've factored in stamp duty and moving costs for a long distance move?

Ultimately your oh needs to be on the same page. Is he?

Move

I’d do the second option.

Move and get rid of the debt.

Could you say vaguely where you are, where you'd be going to, and approximately how much debt you'd clear/better off you'd be?

I know that's quite outing, but approximately would help!

I'd say move but I live up North . There's some pretty good hospitals up here as well. You'll have your mum and sister near and cheaper housing . It's a no brainer for me .

We were in a similar position and moved. Yes we've lost the occasional childcare but the lifestyle change has been incredible, we are able to actually have fun and not live fretting every letter or email. We go to visit often and family has come to see us too. As much as you are able to just cover the basics, there will always be something that pops up each month: cooker breaks, kids needs new coat/shoes, car problems, etc etc it never ends.

It sounds like your debt is becoming a real monster, and you will not be able to dig yourself out whilst staying where you are anyway- paying minimum repayments is not actually paying the debt. Even if you remortgage, now is not an optimal time to do this. If Stepchange and advisors have all weighed in, then I think the options are as they are and given that I would get rid of the debt.

I would do this also because if you may need an op in the future, your earnings may be affected, or what if your husband loses his job again? I would shore up current living and make sure you can afford this, all the other options still sound fairly precarious given your health.

That said, your husband would have to be onboard, so I'd start talking things through with him, if you don't see family that often anyway it may not be such a big jump for him, or it may be he absolutely won't do it- you need to know. It's not solely your decision.

Thank you all for your replies!

We are in the East of England and would be moving to the North West so a huge difference in property prices etc.

@ThatsNotMyMuffin thats exactly what I’m thinking of! Even if we could potentially muddle through just about is that the life we want to live, is that we want our kids to have to go through constantly if we can avoid it!? And there is ALWAYS something that comes up like you said and without our credit cards we wouldn’t have managed recently!

@Buteverythingsfine Ultimately he doesn’t want to go BUT will do what I decide - it shouldn’t solely be my decision but as the person who is responsible for everything here I don’t have a choice. Everything falls on me and therefore i’m the one that has to come up with a solution although am being made to feel guilty for it. I have said that if he has any suggestions or solutions that he can come up with I will happily consider these in the mix but he hasn’t. I am just trying to figure out what is going to make us all happiest and not lose everything but I don’t think he sees it as that. Whilst I understand how much we would all miss his family, surely ridding our selves of this debt and being happy is worth the occasional travelling to see family!

oh and when I say debt I mean 50k+ not just a couple of credit cards! Half of which is secured against the house and the payments on this will increase if not paid off in 3 years!

I think you should move then @Debtnightmare I'm not sure your current position is particularly sustainable so a fresh start sounds much better!

Move. Debt is a "monster" as someone up thread said. It will eat you if you don't strangle it.

Your kids will still have a relationship with aunts and cousins if they see them during school holidays etc.

In your situation I would go to Citizens Advice for debt advice.

“on the credit card and the same with anything we’ve got for Christmas”

Honestly? Yes, you can take the short term fix and go north. But are you sure once you’ve got your cheaper house and savings - but crucially your reduced salaries too - you won’t end up in the same position?

This sounds like a larger scale equivalent of a consolidation loan… which works for some people, but for very many doesn’t work at all - as they just borrow more.

Your children are far too young for you to be putting anything Xmas related on a credit card! Not that I’m advocating debt for teens’ presents… but at their age, you can literally get free presents from freecycle, and you could certainly have a selection each for £20 (combined) from a car boot sale.

So certainly weigh up the options of the big change… but it’s the small attitude changes that will stop you ending up back where you started.

Move! You love where you grew up so you know the area well, it's not like you're moving to a complete unknown. The relief will be huge and I am sure your DC will adapt.

I'd move but that's our plan, though different circumstances. We've no debt, but can't afford to buy where we are and actually if our rent wasn't cheap (crap house and been here 12 years) couldn't afford to rent here either. We won't know a single person where we plan to move, but DCs are teens so childcare not a problem. We are sick of scraping by in a wealthy area, would rather be comfortable in a cheap area and are lucky our jobs are easy to move.

Your DCs are at a great age for a big move and you'd be settling up a whole new life. I'd jump at it.

In your situation my advice would usually be to move, however, I do have a number of long term health conditions. I’m aware the quality of care varies widely around the country so I’d speak to the hospital ASAP and look into the quality of care to where your living to before making any decisions.

I agree with the earlier poster that moving will only benefit you if you don’t just move North and still overspend. Instead of thinking of taking enjoyable and poorly paid jobs, surely you’d be thinking of high pay to actually make the move worth it and to get some money in the bank. If your kids are young and you’re using credit cards for presents, what happens when you earn less and start to stick odd things on a card again?

You say that you’re in charge, so do you think your DH senses that you’d move and then end up in debt again? If he’s giving up such a lot, he would need some reassurance that this will actually benefit you as a family and you won’t end up in the same situation.

I’d also be careful that you’re not immediately thinking of all the new things you can do when you move, which will involve you spending money on activities. It’s all too easy to be lured into moving for a better lifestyle but that lifestyle comes at a cost and will lead to debt if it’s not carefully managed. Focus on saving as much as possible whilst your kids are young as they won’t know any different and you will need the cash as they grow or for emergencies. If either of you were made redundant, you might need a years salary to tide you over.