What do you honestly think about this financial situation?

[somewhereinthemid]

My husband (full time) earns £55k, I (part time) earn £14k. We own our own home and have an outstanding mortgage of around £175k (but we do have help to buy loan of 20% to factor in in 3 years). We have a 3 year old who has just started receiving funded hours but have a newborn too. Our house is big enough to last us so we don’t need to worry about moving. We have a nice car but it is on PCP. We did have a good pot of savings which got absorbed between buying our house and our wedding and we now have only £3200 in savings and at the moment we aren’t putting anything into savings a month. We live comfortably in the sense that we don’t go without anything, our house/car are nice, warm enough, enough food, little luxuries etc but we don’t live lavishly. At the moment we can afford everything but we are living relatively pay check to pay check in the sense that we don’t really have much left over at the end of the month and aren’t paying into savings.

My husband keeps saying that he can’t believe we are back living pay check to pay check, he earns the best he ever has and feels like he has less money than ever before. I feel like he could look at it a bit more positively, we’ve been able to afford to buy a lovely house in a nice area, have a lovely wedding/honeymoon, have two kids, me go part time, keep luxuries such as nice car, sky, Netflix and afford to keep ourselves warm, clothed and fed. Yes we are looking at another 3 years before we can start rebuilding savings but at that point I can go back full time, or atleast an extra day or two and my salary that has been eaten up on nursery/maternity leave etc will be available, even with my PT hours that would be an extra £1200 a month we currently don’t factor in and even more if I go full time.

This isn’t a stealth boast before someone says I just get so anxious when he makes it sound like we are practically skint and living right to the wire and o don’t know whether he’s right and it’s a shit situation or whether I’m right and we are doing quite well considering it’s only short term?

You're looking at things as if nothing could possibly go wrong with your plan and hopefully it won't, but with such a small amount in savings it wouldn't take much for things to go horribly wrong. I can see why DH is stressed and it does seem like you're spending quite a lot on luxuries you can't really afford, having already been extravagant on wedding/honeymoon etc.

Personally, I'd have been very uncomfortable blowing everything on a wedding etc and leaving us without savings at the same time as having young children, but it's done now, so you need to tighten belts to recoup some of it IMO.

Big red flag to me is that you have more debt than savings and run out of money before each paycheque.

I would be worried if I were your DH, he’s the main breadwinner at the moment.

You need to start budgeting or you are sleepwalking into problems.

Seems to me you like nice things - now, and he likes savings. Stop spending so much money

I think you're doing well considering you're at what is likely the toughest time financially. When we were at that stage we just weren't able to prioritise saving, getting through the childcare years was the priority, we were able to save again once we got through that stage.

(Although I do suggest starting budgeting, you will get a lot more out of your wages planning properly)

I wouldn't say that's a fair judgement, he definitely spends more than I do and is the one who won't consider cancelling sky (sports package) says that he works hard and wants a nice car not a shit box, has gym/golf memberships etc. He is just also the one that can be very negative about our financial situation. I don't deny it could be better but do think it's somewhat expected at this stage of our life after doing so many expensive things. I'm more than happy to cut back in areas and have repeatedly said that I will look into a budget and saving at the start of the month and taking everything onboard.

We have a nice car, big enough for two kids/two dogs and we choose to prioritise that. I did speak to my husband about a cheaper car but he says he works hard and wants a nice car and it's a family car so we have half the running costs so he feels it's fine.

If this is an example of your husband’s financial logic then he’s got no room to talk, really, has he?

Your problem, jointly, is that you have ‘chosen to prioritise’ too many things. A ‘forever home’’ for which you needed Help To Buy assistance. A big wedding and honeymoon. A nice big car on tick. Two dogs. Lavish weekends away.

Haven't rtft so don't know if Ynab has been suggested?You Need A Budget

But you will need to work in a partnership with your DH for it to be effective and it sounds as though the honest conversations are an issue at the moment.

We swear by Ynab and it will give you a framework for those conversations if DH would be open to it.

There's a free 34-day trial and the help videos and email support are excellent. You'll easily make back the subscription cost with the amount you save.

You’re doing ok but I’d have a quick think about the “What ifs” - horrible to do but important.

what sick pay do you both get?
what happens if one of you gets unwell (or worse) and can’t work / look after kids for a prolonged period of time
what if one of your kids gets poorly and you need to take a prolonged period of time off work to look after them?
both these things have happened to us and it can really shake your financial plans.

what pension arrangements do you have? Do you have life insurance / income protection / critical illness cover? If you do have insurance what about the stuff it excludes?

Your dh net pay is £4583 per month
Your th net pay is £1167 per months

so a total of £5650 a month in your bank accounts

what do you do with five thousand six hundred and fifty pounds a month that you live from pay check to pay check?

£175k mortgage would account for £1000 approximately.

id sit down with a piece of paper and pen in red and pen in green

all your bank statements from the last 3 months

write diwn in red, mortgage repayments, council tax, gas, electric, tv licence, water rates, house contents and buildings insurance total this and see what it comes to

then in green write down car MOT, insurance, repayments, vehicle tax, mobile phones, internet sky Netflix

then in black write down in a list where you’re spending everything else

red you can’t change but will increase

green you can change slightly here and there

bkack is where you can really make changes to spending, so you’re not living pay check to pay check

My husband takes home around £3200 after tax, NI, pension etc. Definitely not £4538

It sounds to me like you are living within your means - just - you have the nice big house a pretty good lifestyle and you felt comfortable enough to have another child. It's a bit much now to be worrying about finances no offence intended. If you get into trouble you downsize otherwise like a lot of people you have to suck the situation up
Re budget maybe and just hang on until your life moves on a bit. I'm sure there are millions of people in the country feeling like your husband who have far less than your family.

Your husband needs to get a grip, he can't be whining about not having enough money then not wanting to cut back on his golf.

You're probably one of those families where we wonder how they afford it with all the "nice" houses, cars, trips and hobbies. I'd rather pick my splurges and have money to save and no debt but we all have different priorities.

What is the plan for the S&S ISA? It's not a great place for your emergency fund, a market downturn and you can lose 30% overnight when you need it most. Great for long term savings but you don't have the short term sorted

I suspect he's feeling that he works hard enough that he'd be nicely comfortable if only you contributed more. Probably also that the pressure to maintain it all is on him. Which is unreasonable but valid if that is how he's feeling. I think you need a proper talk about where all this is coming from rather than trying to argue your situation isn't as bad as he thinks.

Your husband needs to get a grip.

If he's happy to throw money away at a depreciating asset (car) while having no savings that's on him. If he can't entertain himself without an overpriced sky sports package he needs to review his own spending habits really.

It wouldn't even cross my mind to waste money on things like these when you could:

• build up savings
• invest for early retirement
• do a million more meaningful things

Personally though the more money I earn the less I desire wasting it away.

Sounds like he needs to realize he has a good salary but he's not a millionaire and his priorities are not in the right place.

@Nyedilemma Would he be as nicely comfortable if he was suddenly picking up half the childcare, pick ups, drop offs, sick days, laundry, cleaning, cooking etc that presumably the OP does the lions share of, if the OP also worked full time?

Especially as, unless the OP earns similar to him, they won't have significantly more disposable income due to the cost of a nursery place for a baby?

Sounds like he's not being very realistic about what sort of lifestyle is available on his income. The OP gives quite a list of 'nice things' that they do have. Nice house, nice car, hobbies, subscriptions. It all costs, and just because he runs out of money before he runs out of things to spend it on, it's not exactly 'living paycheck to paycheck'.

I think it sounds like you have been very sensible.

your husband is being very unwise to have the perspective he does

children/bills/life all cost money and you just can’t do what you did when you didn’t have any kids

sounds like you have a reasonable plan re your debts too so once that CC is paid off you can pop that into savings or use it to live a little

Of course not and that's my point, how he's feeling needs talking about. It's not going to be resolved while they take polar opposite positions and refuse to talk about the actual issues.

I don’t think it sounds like a great position to be in when heading into a recession. My husband is very financially nervous and likes to have growing savings, and he felt similarly after we got married and had our honeymoon and our savings were low, so I can really understand where your husband is coming from. I’d prioritise saving a bit each month, which should psychologically help him feel better. Do you need a weekend away with his Christmas bonus? I’d suggest to him to cut that out and put the money you would have spent into savings as that might make him feel better, and tbh a weekend away is only a nice to have.

This sounds like a similar situation to us, except it's just me that has the savings. I know family money etc, but this was inheritance (could probably live off it for a year if we were careful) and feels like just mine and is sitting there waiting for a rainy day/new house. I think having the savings buffer is what makes me feel totally fine living just within our means, whereas DH panics anytime there's any unexpected cost like a car service and suddenly we're down £150 that month. For me that £150 is not a problem but for him it's suddenly end of the world, going into overdraft and moaning about cost of living and getting all doom and gloom.

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These comments are hilarious! 😁

Thank you for explaining I thought funded hours meant the nursery was paid for.

LOL. This just gets worse.

Why are people commenting on these threads if they don't even understand such basics? If nursery was free would parents complain about the cost of childcare??

OP was pretty vague about the budget/spending & since OP works part time I thought they might be using free hours only or mostly.

Not quite the "gotcha" moment you were hoping for huh? If you're frustrated go for a walk maybe instead of coming on here to behave like a bit of a twat.

Get your DH to look at your bank accounts and list out every single item on there, split between utilities, essentials, and nice to have but not necessary. All tv, music subs, coffees, takeaways etc would go under the third heading.

Look at expenditure on clothes/shoes/toys etc, was it needed or bought because you wanted it?

what do you do with old clothes , toys etc? donate or sell them? selling on vinted is easy and I have made over £600 in 18 months which I have spent on a holiday, or used for buying Christmas presents.

Your DH needs to accept that he can't have everything, you need to make sacrifices once you have DC, so if you look at it together, then you can decide what you really want to keep, and what you can ditch and save instead.

If you are being charged interest on a credit card then try and move it to a 0% one, but do not build up the debt again or you will be in twice as much trouble.

It also makes more sense to clear the debt than to save.