Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Sister not paying into pension

38 replies

LololaLo2012 · 24/11/2022 20:38

I found out today that my younger sister opted out of her work pension.

I questioned her as did my dad - think that half the problem. She was super shitty with me and told me to F off. I tried not to be like I’m telling you this… my dad actually wanted me to speak to her on a sibling level to get her to understand. It actually a fairly important, yet really boring fact of life.

I get that she young (25) first job proper job after uni and all that but I just can’t seem to get through to her the importance (well in my mind anyway!)

Her salary is a decent one and she lives up north house share renting (slightly cheaper) parents are supportive when needed so it’s not like that extra £00 would make so much difference.

I guess she has plenty of time to start paying in, just seems kind of pointless not too.
How do you get through to a 25 year old these days (I’m only 35, but I’m stuck!) or maybe I just leave her to get on with it!

OP posts:
FFSLTB · 24/11/2022 20:44

None of your business. Not worth falling out over, she'll get control of her finances when she wants. People have different priorities. They may change in time, but that's down to her. She's a grown, independent adult now. Unless one or both of you are financing her in any way, it's time to butt out

Aquamarine1029 · 24/11/2022 20:48

This is SO none of your business. For Pete's sake. Leave her alone.

titchy · 24/11/2022 20:48

Yeah I'd have told you to fuck off as well to be honest. She's an adult. You and your father are treating her like a child. Patronising is not a good look.

JenniferBarkley · 24/11/2022 20:48

Not a good decision but it's none of your business.

If it's a defined benefit scheme I'd mention it one more time as she may not be able to re-enroll under the same terms if she stays out long, but other than that leave her to it.

Many of us make stupid decisions at 25. And indeed 35!

tribpot · 24/11/2022 20:49

I can't imagine many 25 year olds are very interested in pensions, although hopefully most of them will be in an employer scheme and not think about it beyond that (that's what I was doing at 25 I think).

I can see why your dad thought you might have a better chance of getting through to her but I think you probably need to leave it for a while now. There are some useful illustrations like this one that show how valuable it is to be saving early but the trouble is, if you're 25 it could be 50 years before you get your hands on that money. So double your entire lifetime. It's just not compelling.

I don't think there's an easy answer on this one, unfortunately.

Northernsoullover · 24/11/2022 20:50

I opted out at that age. Stupidest thing I've ever done. I wouldn't have been told though. Now I have to work until I drop.

HermioneWeasley · 24/11/2022 20:55

It’s a terrible decision and as a caring sibling it’s fine to ask her why.

you can have your money now or you can have it when you retire. You can’t have it both times, and it’s worth more the earlier you start saving. She’s also missing out on employer contributions (ie: free money).

Withnoshoes · 24/11/2022 20:56

I have no idea wether my siblings are in pension schemes or not. Not your business if she isn’t interested in discussing it at this time. Things may click in the years to come.

DowntonCrabby · 24/11/2022 20:56

It’s honestly less than none of your business. Not the choices you’d make, not the choice I’d make and that’s absolutely ok.

Shoreditchintheafternoon · 24/11/2022 20:56

I was very close to opting out of my pension at 22. Defined benefit scheme.
I didn't know a thing about pensions and didn't even bother looking into it - I just knew I wanted the extra money now not in 45 years time!
Luckily I didn't opt out in the end because I couldn't be bothered sorting it 😂 but my god I bet everyone thought I was mad when I mentioned it!

Original poster
LololaLo2012 · 24/11/2022 20:58

@FFSLTB
Whole heartily agree it’s none of my business and I guess from her point of view it’s not something to think/care about at the present time.

Ive raised it with her and I’m happy that I did and 100% not worth falling out over

OP posts:
Dragonskin · 24/11/2022 20:58

Well she's being a bit short sighted and giving away free money (I bet she wouldn't turn down a bonus of the equivalent of her employers contribution) but it's her decision

Magenta65 · 24/11/2022 20:58

I stopped paying in age 24 and have just restarted at age 28. During this time employer still contributed so not like it was having no money at all but financially I needed the cash. My plan was always to restart my contribution when I started earning more and as I do now I’ve even upped the amount I was previously paying. Maybe this is her logic. You need to let it die down then chat with her just to ensure she’s understanding the issues she may have. Trust me once you stop contributing it’s hard to restart

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 24/11/2022 21:01

More fool her but nothing more you can do if she's told you to fuck off

tirednewmumm · 24/11/2022 21:04

Depends what her plan is, I opted out 22-28, saved like mad and bought a house. Started laying in again now and mid 30s the projection is healthy if I keep it up for the next 20 years and I'm on the property ladder 🤷🏻‍♀️ even if she's frittering away it's her money and her call I'm afraid

MolesOnPoles · 24/11/2022 21:08

My brother has made some crazy financial decisions. I’ve mentioned it vaguely once, and told him that I’m not going to bail him out if he doesn’t listed. Beyond that, he’s a grown up.

Justcallmebebes · 24/11/2022 21:11

It is none of your business but if I could advise my younger self, it would be to start paying into a pension. I could kick myself that I didn't start earlier.

Just remember your conversation with her in 30 years time when she's lamenting not having a decent pension and you're looking at a comfortable retirement

Original poster
LololaLo2012 · 24/11/2022 21:14

Thanks everyone, you have all said what I thought.

Don’t regret asking her as to why not and talking a bit about the advantages off paying in. But totally get it’s none of my business and be told to F off!

We not actually fallen out about it so alls good with us

OP posts:
Chocolateteabag · 24/11/2022 21:16

Yep my sister is 9 years younger than me and would have also told me to F off at 25 if I'd tried to give unsolicited advice

You've tried, now back off and let her get on and make her own mistakes - like you've had to because you had no older sister looking out for you

She may eventually admit you are occasionally right - mine occasionally does now at 36 - but it's taken some awful life changing events for that to happen and really I wish she was still that bolshy know it all little arse tbh!

Aishah231 · 24/11/2022 21:17

My family used to harass me about paying into a pension. It really pissed me off as the reason I didn't was that I couldn't afford to. I didn't ever say that as I didn't want to sound like I was asking for a hand out. Now I'm a bit better off I've started paying in. Maybe it's the same for her maybe you don't understand her finances as well as you think. People who have mortgages can often lose sight of the costs of things like rent. She might be saving up a deposit.

DarkDarkNight · 24/11/2022 21:17

I think the only thing you can do is point out how the money she puts in now will be worth more than the money she will put in in the future as it will have longer to appreciate. Someone also explained to me that not upping my pension contribution was like throwing free money away as the company would match it, not paying in to a pension at all is like that as well as you are missing out on money from your employer.

Ultimately though there is very little you can do. She probably thinks she would rather have the money in her pocket to spend now rather than thinking about a retirement more than 50 years in the future. At that age I wasn’t thinking much about a pension either, though I wish I had.

BasiliskStare · 24/11/2022 21:18

@LololaLo2012 - someone at work told me to opt into a pension. & explained how money works over a long time even if you put only a bit in at first especially with an employer contribution.

I think you & your DF are quite right to explain to her how much good this could do for her. But if she says bugger off - what can you do - at least you have told her & I think responsible for doing do - her choice now.

I would not feel guilty for the advice.

LaughingCat · 24/11/2022 21:21

Ha! You and your dad both treated her like a child and then were somewhat surprised when she acted like one.

It’s her first job. She’s got time. You’ve raised it so job done for your dad. Bet she bloody loved the triangulation by your dad though. My mum used to do that to me all the time when I’d made a decision she didn’t agree with - she’d send my aunt or brother or family friend to ‘have a chat’ (my dad used to tell her to sling her hook). She was always there with a ‘she’s not listening to me but she might listen to you so could you just tell her that she’s not doing the right thing’.

It’s pissing annoying. It’s a control thing. If she got angry enough to tell you to f off, then I’d say that it isn’t the first time that something like this has happened, and it’s probably just pushed her even further away from the fiscally responsible decision.

That said, you have no idea whether it is the right decision or not. Looking at my first pension from my first well paying job, it wasn’t index linked so will pay me roughly , £4.80 a month (so far but I still have thirty years to go). I wasn’t there long enough to build up enough of a pot for it to even be worth taking as a lump sum when I’m older. So actually, that money probably would have been better taken when it was actually worth something 😂. Maybe, just maybe, she has looked at the options and made the right decision for her, knowing what she wants to do in life. Maybe she’s being a short sighted kid. Either way, not your problem and I’m unsure why you got involved.

FrownedUpon · 24/11/2022 21:26

She’ll regret her decision I’m sure. As long as you’ve tried to help her, you’ve done your bit really. I think a lot of young people are making this mistake sadly.

Teenagekicksmyass · 24/11/2022 21:28

Just a cautionary tale for all of those people saying it’s none of your business.

My brother opted out of his local government pension scheme saying he couldn’t afford it. He is 53 now and even though he could afford it, never got round to opting back in, and has absolutely zero pension contributions anywhere.

Myself and my DH have paid into our local government pensions all our careers and are sorted financially for retirement.

My DB keeps talking about coming to live with us when he is older as he won’t be able to afford to be on his own. This absolutely won’t be happening, but even my parents seem to think it’s now my responsibility to see that he is alright because they won’t be around!!!!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread