Living with parents

[Pandapop93]

I'm 29 on the 1st of December and i still live with my parents. I have a two year old daughter.
My mother takes 750 a month from me.
Am I being unreasonable in thinking this is too much.

It depends… running a house isn’t cheap, £750 to me sounds like a bargain if that includes rent and all bills except your personal ones. Plus a grandma can be very handy for childcare.

Could you live elsewhere for less? Would you want to? Why do you think your mum should pay more of the costs and you less?

It doesn’t sound mad for you and a child. What would you be paying in rent/ bills/anything else she’s covering of you lived on your own?

Does that £750 include heating, power, food, council tax etc? If it does you are getting a bargain. Even if you have to make contributions to food etc it still seems very reasonable assuming you have full use of the household (equipment, garden, TV, car? lifts etc). Do your parents help with childcare? Does your DDs father provide any child support and do you work?

Could you live somewhere for less than that?

If my 29yo lived with me I'd expect them to give me rent rather than me having to take it!

Is that for one bedroom or two? Food? Electricity and heating? Occasional babysitting?
What would equivalent nearby cost?

Where could you move to for £750?

It purely depends on your circumstances and aspirations and your mums - but you are 29.

If your mum could afford it and if you were trying to save for a place of your own then maybe she would charge less, but you could be earning £80k a year for all we know, or you could have a spending habit and your mum might be a pensioner on a small state pension.

The key thing, as others have pointed out is how much it would cost you to rent somewhere else and and pay all your own bills.

I am PAYING 625 a month for my daughter to live in student accommodation plus food and wifi. So no it doesn't sound too much.

How much do you earn? What does that money she takes cover?

You wouldn't get many two bed places for £750. Assuming that covers everything too.

My friends charge their adult kids without dc between £150 and £200 a week which includes all bills and basic food and use of everything in a similar way to when they were teens.

Sounds reasonable to me but depends on both your and your mum's circumstances.

She can charge what she wants. If you don't like what she charges then move out

I'd probably charge about £125 a week so £540 a month. It's expensive to factor in two extra people.

Are you sure she's not saving some for you? If I was taking £750 I'd be putting whatever I'd had left over after bills in a savings pot for you and the baby.

What does the £750 cover?

It's very "how long is a piece of string".

£750 in a cheap area just as rent for a small room to share with your daughter, you pay your share of council tax and electricity, gas, water etc. bills? Shared family bathroom and she limits your use of hot water, you buy all your own food and pay separately for any entertainment packages, WiFi, don't use anything of hers? Too much.

£750 all in for a big ensuite room or a separate room for you and one for dd, in an expensive area, including bills and food and WiFi and perhaps a TV in your room with use of a multiuser Netflix/ Amazon prime package, she takes in your parcels and babysits once or twice per month - a bloody good deal.

If you think its too expensive though you move out

If you can't afford to move out that suggests it's a good deal as it's cheaper than anything else you can find!

Move out if you don’t like it. Why are you still living there?

What does it include?
How much do you earn?
How much is rent where you live?
How much are you left with?

Ignoring all that it feels like far more than I would ask from my child if they lived with me.

How much do you take home each month?

Well you're a big girl at 29, if you don't like it I'm sure you know where the door is.......

If the OP is 29 and has a child it's quite different to an 18/19 or even 21/22 year old in their first job.

I think what it costs her mum to have her there is more relevant than what she earns.

It's all very well subsidising someone who's only just left school/ university and only charging them 10-20% of their income for an all inclusive full board deal, but adding two people to a household adds fairly significant running costs and prevents the older parent/ grandparent of the child from downsizing if she needs to.

I guess it's relevant whether the place where they are all living is rented or motgaged or motgage-free owned outright.

If it's a 3 bed rental property it wouldn't be untoward to be splitting everything 2.5 ways with the OP paying for 1.5 people and the mother for 1. So £500 per adult, £250 for the child would mean rent+ bills come to £1250 per month. Fair...

If the op's mum owns outright she could probably afford to be more generous... Although perhaps she doesn't want the arrangement to be so comfortable that it becomes permanent...

Can't really be sure until you tell us what's included for that!

But you're a grown up, if you don't like having to pay so much to them you could move out? I think it would work out more expensive for you to do that though.

As others have said, if you think it's too expensive, there is nothing to stop you moving out.

Does the £750 include free childcare as well?

Is it to encourage you to save and she’s said she’s keeping some back for you? Which is quite infantilising, but some people benefit from the help.

Just too many different scenarios though.
If it’s more expensive than renting a place yourself - it’s too much.
But if it’s cheaper, its probably OK.
If it’s cheaper but she’s a millionaire - it might be a bit mean.

You haven’t given us much to go on 🤷🏻‍♀️