More debt?

[Anonnnntg]

I’ve never been in this position before and it’s causing me to feel very down. Long story short I have about 3 months left of Mat leave (have a ds who is 6 months old) I have accrued £3.5k debt on a credit card and £700 in one overdraft and I haven’t even paid towards joint monthly bills this month, whilst on Mat leave I normally put in £400pm but physically can’t this month. Dh covers what he can. Just to add the credit card was being paid off before Mat leave as I had about £1.5k on it already.
I just don’t know what to do? Should I be looking at returning to work earlier? (Have already cut this from a year to 9 months) and baby is exclusively breastfed so I’m trying to wean him over the next three months.
Is there any other streams of income I could use in the meantime? I know how bad it’s got to me mentally now because I can barely sleep, also think I may be suffering from post natal depression and trying my absolute best to not let it take hold but it’s getting to that breaking point. Should I be getting a credit card with 0% interest that I could do a balance transfer to and maybe borrow more? A loan? I just don’t want to make another bad money decision.

Try not to let it get on top of you, debt can be a real worry but there are always options. Do you know where the debt has built and why? Is it simply you can't afford outgoings with everything going up? Or is it over spending and you need to rebudget?

It might be worth heading to debt free wannabe over on the moneysavingexpert site. They can pick apart what is coming in and going out and give some really detailed advice.

Yes so daily living and two big car repairs that ended up on the credit card.
I just feel so overwhelmed with it all.
Thank you, I will have a look at that website.

You and DH need to tackle this together. Don't shoulder the burden. The debt is a family debt. Unless you are both on the same page and are prepared to establish a budget which includes debt repayment, you are likely to continue with financial worries.

If he had debt that was accrued due to large unexpected family expenses, wouldn't you want him to share his worries with you and work out a plan together?

The moneysavingexpert forum is wonderful. Its got great budgeting tools on there, as well as a loads of very useful info and links.

9 months maternity is a luxury that it sounds like you can't afford.

I took 4 months with a week's annual leave before the birth and two weeks before I went back to work so about 5 months. It was hard being the first of my cohort to go back to work but I got into the rhythm reasonably quickly.

How much leave have you accrued so far?

Is your DH able to cover the bills? That's what needs to happen - this isn't your responsibility alone.

If it's a case that you both don't have the money to pay everything then the answer is probably that you don't pay the credit card.

If you can get a balance transfer card that might help, certainly you will get it paid off quicker anyway in the long run.

Don't borrow more unless as a family it is genuinely your only option.

Have you been trying to share bills equally whilst on mat leave? Presumably your income has reduced, possibly significantly? Your maternity leave is a joint family expense, you shouldn't be trying to fund it all on your own.

Have you and DH sat down and worked out shared expenses when you go back to work, factoring in childcare?

Assuming you will have more money on hand once you're back at work (even with childcare costs) it might be worth looking to return early, but the fact that at least some of the debt has accrued through daily living suggests there's something more important to sort out first, which is how you and DH pool your money now you are a family.

Have you been trying to contribute what you did pre-maternity leave or are the finances being shared?

Is your husband aware of these debts?

are you trying to contribute the same money as when you were working OP?

this is bizarre if so. you arne't working, you're having a baby and looking after it.

you need to sit down with your DH and figure out how you sort this.
you should have had this conversation ideally before having children. or at the next best point, when you were first pregnant.

why on earth has your DH not stepped in and triggered this conversation?
where does he think your money is coming from?

he's able to work fulltime BECAUSE you're home providing the childcare. if that no longer works and you need to go back to work, then he needs to co-parent properly and sort (and pay for) childcare to cover the time you're at work.

you need to have a conversation with your partner ASAP. now.

So last time I was on Mat leave a had downgraded my car and ended up spending my 5k savings as I was still contributing. This time our joint savings went on moving house and then I have still been contributing but being left with absolutely nothing if not minus money each month.. he does pay a lot towards rent etc. He knows I have credit card debt and I’m in my overdraft but probably doesn’t realise how much.

Just to add:

Should I be getting a credit card with 0% interest that I could do a balance transfer to and maybe borrow more? A loan? I just don’t want to make another bad money decision.

DO NOT DO THIS.

you need an honest conversation with your DP.

either he steps up and does 50% childcare (and that includes collection and drop off from paid childcare that he pays half of), or you need to pool finances, or at least re-balance things so your financial contribution changes to reflect the fact that you're looking after a baby.

why on earth would you think of getting into debt to pay for living costs after having a baby? you're going to DROWN in debt and never get out if that's your solution OP. don't go there.

You need a budget and a chat with partner before any balance transfer

If your existing credit card is not 0% then you need to transfer balance to a new card that is 0%.

Do not take out any more credit if possible and if DP can cover all the bills stay on maternity leave.

You are a family unit and all his earnings are your earnings and vice versa.

£4.2k is not a lot in the scheme of things, 3 months with your newborn is more important than £4.2k imho.

Have you check wether you are entitled to universal credit? Are you claiming child benefit?

Ok

1. First, you and DP need a clear discussion on what you as a family can/ cannot afford. If he has savings this should go toward your family debt. I honestly cannot understand why / how families who agree to have children together don't have joint accounts and pooled income. Looking after kids is a full time and demanding job

1. Second, you need a budget - can you as a family afford for you to take 9 months? What about childcare costs? Can you take 8 months leave and a months accrued holiday ?

Well had my question answered, he
asked me to put my 400 in for this month and I said I can’t afford to and he said he can’t either. So I’ve got no choice.. I’ve had to do a money transfer for 1.5k, 0% for 15months so will start paying £100 a month in and pay off the overdraft that’s costing me each month. This should tide me over to the end of Mat leave. No universal credit because of what he earns but he has been paying the rent and has other children he pays for.

But you're getting into debt to pay for basic living costs. You need to go back to work and he needs to pay for half the childcare. It's as simple as that - he has a debt here (paying for his half of the childcare) that you're covering up. This is madness

What’s his earnings compared to your normal earnings and your normal maternity pay.

OP, think of it this way:

Has his financial situation got better, worse or stayed the same since becoming a dad?
Has your financial situation got better, worse or stayed the same since becoming a mum?

There's a difference, right?
Well, you need a long term plan with him to fix it so it's fair. Why you think you should get into debt because he's not paying his share of childcare to enable you to work is bonkers.

If he doesn't want to do that, that's helpful - he's not a partner. he's a guy you just have sex with and a baby with. not a real partner. and you need to plan and protect yourself accordingly.

NOT get into more debt!!

I think people see 9 months maternity and think that's just what it is. Unfortunately like most things in life it favours the rich. They get to have 9 months' maternity pay whilst the poorer among us have to go back early and forfeit the maternity pay we would have received.
The good news is the less time you take out the less your career should suffer.
Go back, split childcare costs, earn money. Your baby will be fine.

Otherwise you will be back on here in 2 years, mired in debt, trapped and being financially abused by your DP.

he asked me to put my 400 in for this month and I said I can’t afford to and he said he can’t either.

So what’s your joint plan for your joint lives involving your joint children?

You shouldn’t be getting into greater personal debt because you live with someone who earns too much for you to claim universal credit.

You need to work together not separately. Don’t let the fact he has other children he also needs to pay for mean he is making you pay disproportionately for your joint children together.

I have advised this on another similar thread.... split your households, and your DP moves out and rents a room elsewhere. Put in a claim for UC and associated benefits, including housing benefit, Council tax rebate and Child Maintenance.

You will both be far better off financially, and can still continue with your romantic relationship with your DP; provided you are genuinely maintaining two households. There is nothing illegal or fraudulent in this course of action. Financial hardship is a valid reason for not living together.

There will be no requirement for you to look for or return to work until your child is 3 years old.

I can't believe that someone is advising you how to split up and get on benefits!

I went back to work when my first child was 6 weeks old because I didn't get maternity benefits after that and couldn't afford it. It was ok. Obviously not ideal but ok. You can express milk for the baby. Depending on where you work, you should be able to talk with HR and get a quiet room, maybe a designated place in a work fridge.

Good luck.

@GreenBlueSea I am in no way advising anyone to 'split up' - I am advising the OP on the considerable financial advantages of a two-household arrangement with her partner.

Her current situation is clearly causing her worry and distress as well as significant debt. She is asking for financial alternatives. This will improve her financial standing and robustness going forward, and allow her choice of continuing her maternity leave for up to 3 years. Once her financial situation improves she could reassess living arrangements.

If you have claimed, or are claiming Maternity allowance, Child benefit, Tax relief on your pension, UC top-up payments, Child care vouchers - you have claimed benefits yourself.

Tax relief on pension contributions is not a benefit.

It most certainly is a benefit paid for by the government. You can put 100% of your annual salary into your pension, pay no tax at all and still get the 20% or 40% tax relief added.
You can be unemployed and not earning a penny and still pay £2280 into a pension and get the tax relief of 20% added to £3600.
someone else can add to your pension and you would still have the tax relief added.