Splitting finances

[ny20005]

I'm looking for a bit of advice so I can manage my unreasonable resentment lol

Married with kids & I was part time. Dh paid most of the bills & I paid childcare, food, kid's expenses & Christmas.

Kids are older now so no childcare & with WFH, I've recently gone back full time. Dh wants us both to pay into joint account & all family spending to go from that.

I don't know what my full time pay is after tax yet so I'm just starting to look at how this would work.

My dh is paid weekly & I get paid monthly. He earns about £10k a year more than me.

We don't tend to have money left but I'm a better planner than him. I put money in pots when I get paid & budget accordingly for the rest of the month. My worry is that we'll both put money in one joint account but he'll spend more than I would on food or extras & there wont be enough to cover bills. I'll have to cover it as extra from my pots (he doesn't have savings)

Is it realistic to have 2 joint accounts ? How do people manage on different payment schedules ?

We get paid into our own accounts. Transfer everything into a joint account except a (supposedly) equal amount each for spending money. Means we can each spend frivolously without being judged, but when it's gone it's gone. Theoretically we put enough on the joint account to cover absolutely every household and child expense.

One of us puts considerably more in the joint account than the other, but it works for us .

I would suggest having one account for fixed monthly expenses, i.e. Council Tax, energy, TV licence and what have you where the cost doesn't change month-on-month and one for variable expenses such as food and fuel. He can't spend the bills money if it's not there but that doesn't stop him from overspending on food and leaving you to bail things out by the end of the month.

Another option, given the different payment schedules, is you cover the fixed monthly bills and he covers the food and fuel where it isn't one payment for the month and fits much better with a weekly payment cycle. He might be less inclined to overspend if it's coming straight from his pay packet?

Overall I would talk to him about this problem. No strategy you come up with is going to work without his cooperation. Alternatively you could just say you don't want to pool finances and you'll take on some additional bills in recognition of the fact you're now earning more than you were?

Definitely separate food from bills into different accounts, you can have a few different accounts for different purposes and feed them all by standing order, once it's set up it just all works automatically. I don't understand why people spend from their bills account, that must be a nightmare to manage.

Also keep going with your pots to cover annual and irregular expenses like Christmas, holidays car servicing, MOT etc, insurance etc.

Plus separate more money for personal spending, when it's gone it's gone.

What do you mean 'he'll spend more on food and extras' is he buying things you don't need or isn't within your budget? Can you afford to spend more now you're working full time?

If you've covered essential bills, annual and irregular expenses, emergency fund for loss of income and personal spending, you might find you can spend more on food, although you might also want to divert some of your new found spare money towards mortgage overpayment or to cover further increases in food/fuel etc prices.

@BarbaraofSeville
I'm trying to reduce our food spend but dh will do several top up shops & could easily spend another £40-£60 a week which blows my careful budget out of the water. At the moment, that's from his own account. He doesn't really look at prices & thinks cos it's £20-30 that it's all fine but it all adds up.

I think we'll need to look at absolutely everything we pay that would be joint expenses & go from there.

I wouldn't be able to cover all the monthly bills & save anything in pots. Dh couldn't have access to pots as he'd dip in

It doesn't sound like merging your finances would be particularly beneficial to the family's financial health. I wonder why he wants it to happen - does he feel (despite his profligacy) he's been carrying an unfair share of the load up til now?

@tribpot
He has been carrying more of the financial load & I know that's where I'm being unreasonable in kind of wanting things to stay like they are

I really need to find a way to even things up, without him over spending or him feeling like I'm treating him like one of the kids

Surely if he gets paid more he should carry a bigger load of the bills? Is he saying he wants you both to be paid equally in spite of the fact he earns more no doubt because your career took a hit by you working part time due to childcare responsibilities for both of your children?

I would work out the amount of the fixed bills and divide according to income and the same with food. Agree a budget and if he goes over he has to cover himself.

Personally we always did joint accounts as DH got paid more as I was part time and looking after children. All bills, food, fuel and joint expenditure came out main account and we both got same amount of personal spends into separate individual current accounts. We have a starling current account so I set up savings spaces for things like bills, cars, holidays and Christmas and do automatic transfers. That means when DH looks at the balance he only sees what is available to spend.

@Cornishclio

He's not said anything about how it would be split. He doesn't see why one joint account would be an issue but that's because I manage most of the finances I suppose & he's generally a glass half full person

I didn't realise that starling had spending pots as part of the account. If we had a joint account, would dh be able to see the pots too ? If so, not sure this would work if he could dip into them too

You can see the savings spaces in the starling account but you have to go on to that separately so it does not show as available to spend. My husband understands that money is allocated so wouldn't withdraw from there.

This is what we do, DH puts more in because he earns more but it's proportional. We're both careful with money though & have the same attitude (similar to yours) , whereas you have very different approaches

Against the family pot thing here, we have separate accounts and cover bills, mortgage in a joint account. I earn more so pay all the kids stuff he buys food. I also pay and budget for all holidays. Works for us.

Thanks everyone. Lots to think about

Use cost of living situation to review your spending overall

tbh I’d be pissed off If I were him and his money is ours and yours is yours

@rwalker

It's certainly not a case of my moneys mine.

I think it might help him to see how much I spend on family life every month & look a joint account & spending pots.

We can review it if he dips into any of the pots