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Original poster

WWYD- new partner and finances

19 replies

Jenwonder · 28/10/2022 14:30

Hi,

I am currently in a relatively new relationship with a guy from work, we started dating last summer. We were both newly divorced and just clicked. He’s one of the senior managers at work so we’ve been discrete!

here is the issue- he left his marriage with some money issues and is clearing a lot of debt. He’s always been upfront about this. He started at 80k but is now ‘down’ to 50k. He’s managing it fine and has a plan to clear it within 5 years. He inherited a house from his gran and he lives there mortgage free, which helps.

we’re at the stage where we want to take things further. He’s awesome and I’m so happy …. But the money thing worries me. I’ve had my own debt in the past and am very debt adverse now.

what would you do?

OP posts:

auntiemabelisveryable · 28/10/2022 15:42

If he's living rent/mortgage free, can't he pay it off quicker?

That would then demonstrate to you that he's serious about getting out of debt!

jackstini · 28/10/2022 15:44

Agree - I would say get a £50k mortgage, pay off debt and then you start fresh.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/10/2022 15:48

Summer of 2022 or summer of 2021?

Either way it seems awfully quick to be considering merging households and finances. Do either of you have children?

Does your company have any policy about managers dating subordinates?

If the relationship tanks, might your job be at stake?

This sounds ill-advised to me.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/10/2022 15:49

jackstini · 28/10/2022 15:44

Agree - I would say get a £50k mortgage, pay off debt and then you start fresh.

It's never a good idea to trade unsecured debt for secured debt.

What is the root of his "money issues" -- overspending? Coming up with cash for a settlement with his ex? How did he get to be 80K under if he's a "senior manager" ? Were there no savings?

Is this debt in the form of credit cards, personal bank loans or ??

BarbaraofSeville · 28/10/2022 15:51

Maybe he has loans and credit cards that are cheaper than mortgage rates, so no need to get a mortgage to pay it off that way?

You wouldn't have an issue if he was debt free but had a £50k mortgage, so I don't see the difference as long as he's not refusing to pay his way or go on days/nights out due to the debt.

If he's a senior manager and mortgage free, his plan to pay it down in 5 years and live a decent lifestyle at the same time is probably plausible and working well for him. How long did it take for him to get from £80k to now?

Brahumbug · 30/10/2022 06:35

Paying off £50k of debt in 5 years is good, mu

Brahumbug · 30/10/2022 06:37

Sorry, that posted to soon! That is much better than a £50k mortgage Which would last much longer.

Itsallok · 30/10/2022 06:40

My answer would depend entirely on how he got into debt in the first place

ArcticSkewer · 30/10/2022 06:41

I wouldn't ever remarry or mix my finances again so as long as he could afford our lifestyle together.... his debt .... his problem.

What are you meaning when you say you want to take this relatively new relationship further? How does his debt impact you?

Most important for me would be how he ran up this debt. I wouldn't be interested in a gambler or other addict, for example..Too much hassle.

gogohmm · 30/10/2022 06:42

I no would discuss money and not getting into debt, ensure going forward you are on the same page, plus if you share bills, he can pay off faster

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 30/10/2022 06:42

He’s clearing it - has already cleared a large % of it. As long as he’s not expecting you to pick up the slack financially in the relationship I wouldn’t have a problem.

MovingOnUpp · 30/10/2022 08:13

I don’t think it would bother me, if he had a 50k mortgage on the house that he was overpaying at a fast rate then you probably wouldn’t think anything of it.
You could live together but don’t get married.

girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 08:19

How can he only be paying £10k a year off his debt if he's living mortgage free?

Is he also paying a lot of child maintenance or something?

VioletTopaz · 30/10/2022 08:28

Since the summer? We’re only in October. What’s the rush? And what does “take it further” mean?
I’d also be going even slower than usual given you work together. Is he senior to you? Are you in the same team?

Rainbowqueeen · 30/10/2022 08:34

If he’s a senior manager (presumably on a good salary) why did he have such a huge debt. If he was financially literate I don’t see how this could happen.

I would be very wary and if I had DC I would make protecting them be my main focus and there is no way I’d be moving in with this guy for at least another 2years.

If you do decide to move in together - have a back up plan if it all goes tits up and make sure you are not worse off either financially (eg losing benefits) or in terms of household chores etc.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 30/10/2022 08:34

I would wonder how he'd got himself into that situation. Did he own a house with his wife? What's the new equity? Why did he walk away with £80,000 debt? Why has he only paid off a bit of it considering he is a senior manager? It's not as though he has rent to pay.

I wouldn't mix my finances again, but certainly not with someone I'd known less than five years.

AnnapurnaSanctuary · 30/10/2022 08:38

If you keep your finances completely separate from his I don't think this needs to be a problem.

BarbaraofSeville · 30/10/2022 09:04

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 30/10/2022 08:34

I wouldn't mix my finances again, but certainly not with someone I'd known less than five years.

Someone I know was ordered to pay an ex wife £50k on divorce after a short marriage that didn't involve any DC so it could be something like this?

bonzaitree · 31/10/2022 10:23

I would speak to him again about the cause of the debt. Speak to him about your issues with debt in the past and your commitment to debt freedom at the moment.

See if he can pay off the debt a bit sooner then move in in a couple of years time? In that time period watch him with money to ensure he isn't going to get you into a stick lt situation.

It bothers me that my bf has £2k debt, as I hate it I think it's daft. £50k would panic me tbh.

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