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Original poster

Am I overthinking this?

59 replies

mollyzex · 27/10/2022 21:07

Hi Everyone.

Before I start I will say that I am a person who worries about everything. I am a catastrophizer! We have been getting to grips with our finances and I am stressing over how much of our money goes out each month.

We are currently in the middle of paying off a lot of debt, hence the high debt payments, however this will come to an end in 3 years.

Here is our situation.

mortgage 726
secured loan 498
loans/credit card payments 900
council tax 148
gas/elec 248
water 30
phone/internet 37
Sky 39
Mobile phones ( X4) 89
Food 400
Car 385
insurances 127
car fuel 120
kids clubs 80
prescriptions 18
TV licence 14
pet costs 56
gym 27

TOTAL - 3942 :(

We both work full time with a joint take home pay of £5100. I feel mega stressed having written this all down. Am I overthinking this?

OP posts:

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 28/10/2022 09:16

@mollyzex

Well I think your heading I. The right direction paying that much off a month.

It's stressful having debt but just remember every month that payments are made and the debt isn't added to is another month closer to clearing it.

I get anxious about debt but have recently paid a big chunk off so it's coming down nicely so carry on with your plan.

How long is left to pay on the loans?

Fuuuuuckit · 28/10/2022 09:24

mollyzex · 27/10/2022 21:43

I agree that we need to do that. The debt built up over many years due to wedding costs, maternity, home improvements, bad decisions, silly spending..... I can't attribute it to one thing in particular. BUT we haven't added to the debt for quite some time now, so it is going in the right direction.

So, you've spent the money on home improvements (OK) and lots of other frivolity with nothing much to show for it.

You have known for years that you have massive debts, you didn't worry about creating them at the time, and now years later are surprised that you're still paying £1400 quid a month for 3 more years?

£50k still outstanding, plus your mortgage. That's insane.

You have £1k a month spare. Throw this at your debt and you'll be debt free in under 2 years.

I wish I had a tenner a month free, and I have zero debts...

Fuuuuuckit · 28/10/2022 09:30

Or, to reframe,

I have £50k of debt that I'm comfortably repaying, plus in 3 years I'll have saved £36k.

And in the 3 years after you debt is repaid you could be saving £86k.

Read the room.

bonzaitree · 28/10/2022 09:30

OP - just want to be supportive of your anxiety.

I frequently panic about money, debt, bankruptcy, losing my home through not paying the mortgage.

I don't need to worry about money at all. I am objectively very lucky.

However, I do have anxiety. One of the ways my anxiety comes out is through panicking unnecessarily about money. It's not rational it's part of a mental illness.

Is any of this ringing true for you? Are you an anxious person?

Original poster

mollyzex · 28/10/2022 09:50

bonzaitree · 28/10/2022 09:30

OP - just want to be supportive of your anxiety.

I frequently panic about money, debt, bankruptcy, losing my home through not paying the mortgage.

I don't need to worry about money at all. I am objectively very lucky.

However, I do have anxiety. One of the ways my anxiety comes out is through panicking unnecessarily about money. It's not rational it's part of a mental illness.

Is any of this ringing true for you? Are you an anxious person?

Yes, I struggle a lot with anxiety. I am medicated and have received support. Just having a bit of a wobble.

OP posts:

Original poster

mollyzex · 28/10/2022 09:53

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 27/10/2022 23:29

Phrase your post another way and let’s assume you’ll save the £1k you have left over a month…

’In three years time I’ll have paid off all my debt and have saved £36k in that time too, but I’m really anxious’

A very tone deaf and very privileged thread.

I think that's unfair. I know that compared to many families we are in a decent position, but that doesn't mean that I can't or shouldn't be anxious about our finances.

I also don't feel that we are privileged. We have both grafted for everything that we have ( and the money that we have spent!!). neither of us are from privileged backgrounds whatsoever.

OP posts:

SchrodingersKettle · 28/10/2022 10:04

OP, my finances are fine and i STILL feel anxious. I was just brought up to worry about money - lack of money, spending too much money, rainy day funds, pensions and "what ifs". It is common to feel out of control and overwhelmed by personal finances.

From my own experience you are doing the right thing: fears reduce when you face them.

Youve analysed your position so now you need to monitor it. Every month do a spreadsheet and measure what you spent so you can check your estimates - more on fuel in winter; annual expenses like insurance; the "good months": when there is no council tax payment etc.

Once you understand it, youre in control. You will feel much more comfortable.

It is desperately dull though! Which is why a lot of us don't bother

bonzaitree · 28/10/2022 10:37

@mollyzex

Gently, I think this is your anxiety talking and is not actually reflective of reality.

I know because I've been there.

I find this CBT really useful because it challenges your distorted thinking.

vivainsomnia · 28/10/2022 12:37

You have left a lot out your budget. Clothes, kids uniform, repairs for the house, replacement for items, extra for the kids, presents for their friends, birthday/Xmas present, school trips, haircuts, etc, etc...

The only way to write a realistic budget is to go back the last 6 months and work out all your essential spending. You can bet it's a lot more and probably the reason why you ended up in such debts.

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