Interested to get some other perspectives here
It’s quite long but I don’t want to drip feed
Background
I’ve rented my home (from the local authority) for 5 years. And rented with a different LA prior to that for 5 years.
I have a history which includes homelessness and having to leave relationships with basically nothing (even in situations where I had contributed significantly to the home) so my housing security is a massive priority for me. Added to that, I’m quite isolated in terms of family/friends so if I were ever stuck for somewhere to stay im not sure where I’d go
DH moved in 2 years ago just before we married. He previously rented, and was happy to end his tenancy. He has plenty of friends and family he could stay with if it came down to it.
Prior to DH moving in officially, he spent most of his time here and I rarely visited his place, nothing dodgy there, it’s just a lot more out of the way and he was often nearer me visiting family etc
So it was natural that he move in here rather than me moving in with him. My home is also slightly larger and was in better repair.
Since DH was spending so much time here, basically living here I asked him to contribute to the bills that were increasing with his presence, gas, electric, food etc which he was happy to do, and his own bills decreases anyway due to him not being there.
My LA has a rule that you can’t be added as a joint tenant for at least a year so as to prevent people moving in a joint tenant and then leaving the property themselves
So when DH moved in, I asked him to contribute half towards all household expenses (tv license, broadband etc) but, I didn’t ask him to pay anything towards things like home insurance, or appliance insurances as these were my responsibility as the tenant and the appliances were mine,
I’ve been bitten before where I’ve purchased large appliances etc in relationships and then I’ve been told they belong to the tenant, rather than the person who purchased so I wasn’t going to do the same thing to DH.
After a year, I asked him if he wanted to be added as a joint tenant.
But explained to him that if he became a joint tenant he would need to be proactive in terms of managing the home, repairs etc because thus far it’s all been up to me and he wasn’t particularly proactive about those kinds of things when he had his own place.
And that we would need to discuss the ‘what if’ in terms of our relationship as I’m very aware that while we were (and are) happily married, things change
And I needed to know that if he was made a joint tenant, he wouldn’t use that in future to make me homeless again.
He did not wish to be added as a joint tenant.
So things stayed as they were.
It’s my house, in my name
All household bills are in my name, coming out of my bank account
We did at one stage have them coming out of a joint account as I wished to be as fair as possible, and try to be very transparent with the bills so DH
knows what’s being paid and to who, but on a few occasions DH spent money that was earmarked for bills
So I changed them back (with his full agreement) so as to protect the income.
He gives me half the money for the bills which are joint, pays his own phone etc and does what he likes with the rest.
I put in half the bills, pay my own things including insurances for the home and have the rest to myself too so it’s as fair as I can make it. We get the same income give or take a few pounds
I pay for all repairs if they are the tenants responsibility, and all new furniture etc. so as to prevent any future issues in the event of a split.
Now to the point of my post.
Neither me nor DH work due to long term illness and it’s unlikely to change in the future.
However, I am due an inheritance shortly which should be in the region of £10-13k depending upon the final value price of a property which is to be sold.
I have a small amount of personal debt which I will clear if I haven’t already done so by that point.
DH has no debt.
I would like to use the remaining inheritance to apply for shared ownership of my property under the right to buy scheme.
I’m not doing it so as to prevent any benefit cessation or deliberate deprivation of assets, I will fully disclose the inheritance to the DWP and they will calculate accordingly.
I’m doing it because I will never again be in that position due to my low income, and because it offers me the greatest amount of home security.
The inheritance should cover the first 25% of my property with my eligible right to buy discount
And purchasing a further 5% every year or so would be manageable on my income.
This will also of course reduce my overall benefit entitlement due to no longer needing housing benefit.
So I think it’s a sensible decision with the money rather than blowing it it’s the best future investment I can think of.
I’ve spoken at length with DH about what I’d like to do, and he is supportive
I gave him the option of jointly purchasing with me, as he is my husband, I very much hope this will remain our family home for many years to come and it felt very selfish to try to give myself greater security, and not offer him the same opportunity.
He asked what exactly would be involved, and I explained.
I said I would write off the first 25%
if my inheritance ass used, as I know DH is never likely to receive a lump sum like that. And I wouldn’t want to end up in future arguing over who had contributed most
But that from that point on, he would need to help me save to purchase the rest, and contribute equally to insurances and any repairs etc
And that again we would need to have the ‘what if’ conversation because neither would likely be in a position to buy the other out, and half of the property value would be enough to cease all benefits, but not enough to secure separate properties if it ever came to that.
He took some time to think it over and got back to me to say that he doesn’t want to jointly purchase with me.
He’s happy in our relationship and the home
But owning a property isn’t a priority for him
And he doesn’t feel mature enough to manage the increased responsibility or increased financial pressure.
I think he’s made a very sensible decision and if I’m honest, I’m a lot more comfortable doing it alone
And I think he’s right. He isn’t very responsible financially he gives me his half of the bills but
regularly has nothing left after a few days.
So trying to rely on him to save or contribute would likely add more stress to the relationship
But here’s where my question comes in.
Is what I want to do unreasonable?
Because although I’m happy with it, he’s happy with it and I know it makes a tonne of logical sense
I worry that we should want to do something this big jointly
And that it will be something that causes issues down the line