I just really need some advice about my debts/life

[Cupofteaonesugar]

I am a single mum to two and I currently live at my parents.
I have no savings and debts of around £15000 (I feel sick writing that).
I work part time, I have a UC top up. I cannot work any more hours then I do.
I have been on the waiting list for social housing for years and I've finally been offered somewhere. We are really struggling for space and independence at my parents. Despite loving them dearly I need my own place.
I went onto a debt management plan when I was 20. I paid it off on full and carried on with my life. I got married and had children and had some debts but everything was in control. My ex left me during pregnancy and that's when things went wrong. I spent money as a way of coping but he also left me with nothing and I had all of my baby bits etc to buy. Things just went down hill.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to turn down this opportunity of social housing but I have no idea how I will pay it and flat bills with my debts. I am worried about another debt management plan as o know it will destroy my credit rating for potentially 6 years as it did in the past. Whilst I don't want credit I know that credit rating is important and phone network and broadband companies do credit checks.
I just don't know what to do or turn.
I am planning on contacting step change but I am just wondering if anyone has any experience or advice?

Please don't come for me. It's a big step me acknowledging this and asking for help.

What a load of rubbish. I haven't been disengenuous at all. In my post yesterday I very clearly stated that I didn't know the sh process and needed some advice.
There is LITERALLY nothing wrong with asking for advise. This is precise what these places are for.

Thank you all for the encouragement and advice!
I really do appreciate it and I'm feeling very motivated and like I'm no longer looking at a brick wall.

@Cupofteaonesugar take the housing. It sounds trite but honestly, things will be ok. I’m sure you’re already doing this, but don’t buy anything you don’t need. Having your own space may make it easier to do that as you’ll have a better focus - you’re doing it to ensure you have your own housing which will be amazing. Slowly things sill improve.

Can you not claim child maintenance from your ex? My understanding is that it isn’t counted against any UC help so it would literally just be extra money.

I think there's two slightly seperate things here that (understandably, because you're in a stressful situation) you're conflating.

Firstly: your overall financial position and what you are going to do to sort the debt out. £15k for a low wage earner and benefit claimant is very large - far far more than just some baby bits - so what did this go on? You don't need to put that on the thread, but you do need to work it out, because otherwise you will repeat this pattern a third time and it will continue causing you stress. Agree with others who have recommend stepchange. Also, try posting on the debt free wannabe forum on money saving expert - you will get incredibly helpful, no nonsense advice.

Secondly: can you arrive at a budget which meets your current obligations and lets you take on the social housing you've been offered and is realistic to meet your needs? Is the position where you can stay at your parents indefinite or not? Only you can make that decision, but you need to do it from a place of being aware of ALL incomings and outgoings.

I'd say two other things, which you can ignore if you like - firstly, I agree with others that you're being slightly short sighted about working more. No, it may not be immediately financially beneficial, but in the long term it will allow you to build a better, independent life and get off benefits/ be debt free, which would be amazing for you. Secondly, it's worth thinking about whether you can access some free/ reduced counselling to deal with your past abuse and potentially the reasons you got into debt, so that you're confident you have the tools to not be in this situation again.

Good luck!

Op what is you current income (including UC), and what are your outgoings? If you’re living at home I really don’t see how you have got in to so much debt but this is the first place to start, working out where your money is going each month.

OP please try a manual calculator for your UC entitlement with your new housing costs factored in. The element that reduces if you get the housing component is the work entitlement allowance which drops from £573 to £344. Yes- it seems like a big drop BUT you need to factor in what you local housing authority rent rate is as that will be paid by UC in lieu of that £200 odd. If you're in receipt of the housing component then you'll likely also receive some element of council tax support as this is automatically triggered. Also UC is designed to help you keep more of your earnings the more you work with the taper so it's useful to play around with hours and childcare costs while calculating manually. I know you said childcare is the issue- I assume that's the cost of it wiping out your additional income but it is well worth looking at the figures manually as it's far more accurate than the online calculators. www.uc-advice.co.uk/calculate-your-entitlement

With regards to the debt, I know how easy just making ends meet gets you into debt. We've only just clawed our way out of our immediate debt problem and now have a consolidation loan to pay back for 5 years. If you can visit stepchange or CAP and they will help. It might be a tough few years BUT at the end of it you'd be debt free and would have a secure housing situation- social housing is like gold dust now. In your position I would take the opportunity and accept that there'll be a tight financial situation but the pay off will be worth it. X best of luck!

I know you've said several times you can't work more, but have you actually priced up wages on salary calculator and the increase in UC for childcare? I wasn't on UC (tax credits) but even with DH and I both working full time (meagre salaries) tax credits made working pay due to how much of the childcare it paid. Which then gave me the opportunity to progress, you need a long term plan as well as thinking about this moment. If you want to change your lifestyle you're going to need to reframe your thoughts.

Just with you mentioning your UC amount changing, it may be best to do a benefits calculator. I use entitledto, it's really easy to use. Then you'll know the amount you'll be getting before contacting step change. They were brilliant with me, they talked me through the options, done an income and expenditure and I started a debt management plan. It's manageable because they went through mu finances with a fine tooth comb, it's such a relief.
Congratulations on the new home!

Thanks all I'm feeling a bit lighter this morning! I think my first step is to ring step change on Monday for some general advice and then look round the apartment when it's ready!
I know where my sending has gone wrong in the past and I am really ready to put that behind me and start fresh. I think not having my place and recovering from what I went through with my ex really effected my identity for a while. But I'm so wanting to move forward.
I'm so unbelievably lucky to have had my parents support, my whole life, they are amazing. But I can't see how I move forward with not having my own place and I think still being in my old bedroom and not having a house to run my own way with my children has got me down a lot more then I realised.
I'm extremely greatful for UC and SH. We all have a lot to say about our gouvernment and what they do wrong but to have this support really did save my life.
I thought I was in a happy marriage and I thought my life was going to be the opposite of what it is now, but it isn't and if it wasn't for this support I just don't know what would've happened to me.
When my children are in school I will pick up and extra day at work. I work for a secure company with good benifits so I don't intend on moving.

Also just wanted to add, for those who haven't been there, reviving from an abusive relationship/break up takes alot more then you can ever imagine. I would never have ended my life, but I didn't want to be alive. Everything I knew just collapsed around me. It's taken me a hell of a long time to get here. I've had cbt and council and I am going to have all other round of cbt.
My spending took a hit and I take responsibility but there is a way forward and I'm ready now to take it if I can. I just don't know alot about all of this which is why I'm reaching out and trying to find out from others.

First take the house!

Then contact stepchange they will assess the best course of action for you. That could be a few things. Work with them to clear and sort the debt take the hit on your credit rating. Ultimately you could be sorted with 5/6 years which won't happen if you don't tackle it now.

I am halfway through a debt management plan with them. It was really scary to know my credit rating would tank but I didn't want or need credit anyway. You can still get broadband and a phone etc.

I also found phoning the companies I owed to say I was going into a DMP really scary but they were all fantastic and stopped interest and any charges giving me half a chance!

Go for it! Use Stepchange though as they are a charity and don't charge like some.

How big is the house? How many bedrooms, does it have a dining room and how old are your DC (can they share, maybe even with you and save space?)

I'm wondering if you might have space to take in a lodger, as you can do that without it affecting your Universal Credit.

You would need to check your lease allowed it also.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-a-home/subletting-and-lodging/lodging-index/taking-in-a-lodger-what-you-need-to-think-about-first/

We used to do this when my DS was young and it really helped.

Mumsnet is very anti-lodger, half of the people here are aghast at the notion of having guests to stay, let alone sharing your home with someone on a long term basis!

Mumsnet will also tell you that lodgers don't want to live with DC, but that's also not true. There are lots of people who need low cost housing who don't mind loving with DC.

If you aren't against the idea personally, it can be a godsend IME.

If this is a possibility, my tips would be, don't just take the first person who wants a room, you're basically interviewing people to be a part of your family temporarily, so try to find someone you'll get on with, don't move anyone in you think may be incompatible. Take your time to choose the right person.

Check out their social media and web presence to look for signs you'd be incompatible. (We rejected two lodges who'd seemed really nice after checking out their internet presence. One was a racist, the other a loopy religious fanatic).

Be very honest about what you are like when you talk to them, eg if you are tidy / messy / sociable / introverted, so you can find someone compatible.

With DC in the house, and you being single, personally I'd only consider moving women in. Men are just too risky IMO.

Do you have a uni in your town? We used to rent to mature students. This meant they were there for a reason, stayed for about a year and then left, so if we didn't get on with someone brilliantly, we knew they were leaving anyway so it was no big deal, we could muddle through. This worked well for us.

If you take a deposit for breakages, you have to put it in a tenant deposit scheme. This is a good thing as you won't be tempted to spend it!

We didn't take a deposit for breakages. Instead, we took two months rent when they moved in, the second month being their last month's rent. This meant that when they gave their month's notice to leave, they'd already paid for that month, so they simply didn't pay that last month. This protected us against people just leaving without notice and not paying the last month, so we could use that time to find their replacement and not be out of pocket. It suited them too as they weren't tied into a fixed contract.

The extra money was incredibly helpful and we even made some life long friends as a result. You get to know each other very well living together!

About your financial situation generally, does the job you're in have prospects? You're on a low wage now, but is there an opportunity to progress in this role? Do you expect to be earning significantly more money in 5 years, or sooner, even?

I hear you about not having enough hours for more work right now, but it will be helpful to think longer term also. If this job doesn't have prospects for you, then can you look around for one that does, so you're putting yourself in a better position for the future.

@Cupofteaonesugar what about child maintenance? Is that a no go?

Just a thought but how is your debt structured? If it's on high interest cards/loans, is there a way to restructure it?

I too have around 15k in debt (long, painful story!) but at one point it was nearly £37k!!! I faced a choice of bankruptcy or restructuring debt. My situation is different to yours as I work FT but I got 1 low interest loan and I pay £270 a month on that plus I overpay when I can too.

Different circumstances but it may be there's a better way to structure your debt and get your monthly payments down. I would also suggest a money management course which will teach you how to budget and live within your means.
Good luck!

“I know where my sending has gone wrong in the past and I am really ready to put that behind me and start fresh.”

Ready to, or are you already managing to live within your means?

There’s no point looking at debt management plans if your outgoings are still higher than what you have coming in.

I think you need to stay on at your parents and address the debt before trying to run your own household.

CAB or Stepchange,op(id say CAB as your local one will know all available local help ,and can look at benefits too),and has anyone said why you can't get a Debt Relief Order rather than a DMP?

As first step, make a plan that feels manageable and take small steps towards paying off your debt so it doesn’t feel overwhelming. Definitely speak to step change.

I would take the housing, work towards paying off some debt and as the children get older you will be able to increase your hours or even perhaps retrain at a local college part time. Our local college offers adult education courses one day a week for example. This could enable you to do something like accounting/bookkeeping from home and work more hours.

Lots of people find themselves in this position and although it’s very hard work to pay it off it can be done successfully.

Listen to some podcasts and read some blogs on people who have paid off large debts to help feel motivated and less alone with it.

Good luck.

This sounds like the change you need.

For the moment pretend you don't have the debt and write out your budget.

What income do you have. Include it all, work, uc, child benefits and any support from the kids dad.

Then your outgoings. Try to include everything even annual expenses like Christmas as a cost divided by 12.include saving for a new washing machine ebery 5 years or money into an emergency fund.

Google statement of affairs to get a useful list or calculator.

Ignore your debt whilst doing this. Do the figures add up? They should do but probably not much wriggle room. If not how could you make you outgoings more than your income?

So if you income is more than your outgoings then you can afford to pay off the debt at whatever rate this surplus money will allow. Get a debt management plan set up.

Or just consider going bankrupt. Really what have you to lose? It will be years before you can get credit again, or a mortgage but you can't get that now anyway. Imagine having that weight lifted from your shoulders.

What you can't do is continue in your current living arrangement forever or give banks money you haven't got.

Good luck to you.