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Paying off DH mortgage when kids and stepkids involved

59 replies

Cassavaflower · 24/09/2022 14:18

Hello
I have the cash to pay off my husband's mortgage. We are recrntly married and he has two young kids from previous marriage, I have a grown up but heavily dependent son. Should I keep my inheritance from my late parents and buy a separate property for my son or pay off the mortgage. I'm concerned that if I died suddenly my son would be left with nothing. If I pay off the mortgage it means I've paid for 90per cent of the house and so that money would be lost in a sense but it would free up my DH salary esp as interest rates rising.
It's confusing so sorry if it makes no sense. Has anyone else been in this position.
Thanks

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 24/09/2022 14:25

You need a solicitor - if you pay for 90% of the house then 90% of it should be in your name and you need to get it drawn up at the same time that in the event of your death you want your 90% to go to your son.

Be very careful. I've known a few people end up with nothing from their parent because it all went to the new spouse who then didn't leave anything to their dead partners children when they passed.

cabansunset · 24/09/2022 14:27

I would keep the inheritance separate if I were you.
I'd buy a separate property and rent it out, using the profits to help your husband and son a bit financially but retaining your initial investment in your own name.

AnuSTart · 24/09/2022 14:28

Absolutely do not do this.
Keep inheritance separate or buy a different property, in your name, which your child will inherit.

ArcticSkewer · 24/09/2022 14:28

You should keep your inheritance separate, otherwise you will lose half of it if you divorce and possibly your son will lose all of it if you die.
Why is your son heavily dependent on you? If he has additional needs you may not want to buy a property in his name either. A trust may be a better option. Mencap are very good at signposting to solicitors who deal with trusts in this scenario eg autism

Cassavaflower · 24/09/2022 14:36

Thanks
Yes this is what is concerning me
I'm paying for the extension on the house and my son will come to live with us. Son is physically well but got some issues. He may settle and go on to lead a normal life it's up to him but he might need permanent support.
I just don't want him to end up homeless and penniless because all the cash is in the family home which my DH sons will also inherit. My DH could technically meet someone and kick my son out. Of course it's unthinkable that that would happen but who knows?

OP posts:
YumYummy · 24/09/2022 14:59

How could she keep the inheritance separate if they are married? Wouldn’t it be classed as a joint asset if they were to divorce?

swallowedAfly · 24/09/2022 15:34

Yes technically he could do that and people do do such things sadly. You can't afford to just have blind faith if you want to ensure that you leave provision for your son.

I'm afraid I'd never get married now. I've made it to mid 40s without getting married and I have a 15yo son who I would want any property or cash etc I had to go to in the event of my death and I've seen such sad treatment of children by 'step parents' (using the term loosely in the case of adult children) after their parent died. Really hurtful stuff for the children.

SpacePotato · 24/09/2022 15:38

Is the extension set in stone?

Perhaps a cheaper flat that would be left solely to your son would be better.

RandomMess · 24/09/2022 15:48

In England if inheritance isn't used towards family costs etc then it can be kept ring fenced.

I would honestly seek legal advice and keep it separate especially when you are so newly married.

properdoughnut · 24/09/2022 15:49

See a solicitor

ICanHideButICantRun · 24/09/2022 15:52

Has this suggestion come from your husband? Of course it would free up his money if his mortgage was paid off - the same would apply to anyone!

Does your son have a problem with addiction? The way you talk about him suggests this.

Luckydip1 · 24/09/2022 15:52

Inheritance can be protected by ring fencing it and keeping it separate but need in divorce trumps everything and if there is no other money available it could easily form part of the matrimonial assets.

MrsGluck · 24/09/2022 15:56

RandomMess · 24/09/2022 15:48

In England if inheritance isn't used towards family costs etc then it can be kept ring fenced.

I would honestly seek legal advice and keep it separate especially when you are so newly married.

It's not necessarily true that the inheritance could be kept ring fenced. It's more complicated than that, there are other factors that might be taken into account.

Yes, see a solicitor and also make a will.

Cassavaflower · 24/09/2022 15:58

We are married in Islamic sense not legally. The plan was to marry but its the niggle of what would happen if I passed away which bothers me. My son would not want to live with my partner and his young kids are only there intermittently.
Why would my husband sell the house to give my son his share, it wouldn't make sense.
Plus his children have two sets of grandparents and parents to inherit from.
I brought up my son alone without anything from his dad and this inheritance is the only money I have that he would receive. Deffo need to see solicitor.
Thank you

OP posts:
Hotandbothereds · 24/09/2022 16:04

As you’re not legally married you’d be mad to do this.

Why would this free up only your DPs salary? Are you working?

What is the current mortgage/equity on the house? If you’d own 90% by paying off what you have in inheritance has he only just bought it?

Could you buy your son a self contained flat in his own name instead so you don’t need to think about inheritance?

Cassavaflower · 24/09/2022 16:04

Not addiction as such
Goes manic when stressed

OP posts:
Luckydip1 · 24/09/2022 16:06

You could set up a bare trust so he gets it when he is 18.

viques · 24/09/2022 16:07

Cassavaflower · 24/09/2022 15:58

We are married in Islamic sense not legally. The plan was to marry but its the niggle of what would happen if I passed away which bothers me. My son would not want to live with my partner and his young kids are only there intermittently.
Why would my husband sell the house to give my son his share, it wouldn't make sense.
Plus his children have two sets of grandparents and parents to inherit from.
I brought up my son alone without anything from his dad and this inheritance is the only money I have that he would receive. Deffo need to see solicitor.
Thank you

“We are married in the Islamic sense not legally”

You need to get this sorted, as things stand if your husband died you would legally have no rights to the house, you and your son could be made homeless, his children would inherit. So you either need to make sure you have legal rights to the marital home , and probably make a contribution, amount to be negotiated but not more than 50% of the value, or you need to use your inheritance to secure future provision in your own name should you and / or your son need it. Also consider what the situation would be if you died before your husband.

swallowedAfly · 24/09/2022 16:09

Well done for thinking about all of this and seeking to protect your son.

If not married I'd say definitely don't put it in the house as it will be totally unprotected unless you get added to the deeds or whatever legal process could be put in place to protect your investment. You would be spending a lot of money on someone else's property and increasing it's value. As you say it gets complicated as well in terms of a shared asset isn't easy to liquidate against someone's will unless there is a eg. divorce or death forcing the issue and you want to protect yourself in the even that this just doesn't work out and you want to go your separate ways.

A separate property might well be a good idea. You could rent it out for now and use the income to help your son if he really needs/you want to help renting somewhere/getting on his feet etc. You would also have the security of an income or alternatively somewhere to move to in the event of wanting to leave your partner.

I do think wise women think of these things even if the relationship seems like a bed of roses. It's just sensible to protect oneself and ensure you are secure and not trapped.

swallowedAfly · 24/09/2022 16:10

Nothing to inherit other than a huge mortgage by the sounds of it viques.

CatchersAndDreams · 24/09/2022 16:19

Buy your son a flat and rent it out. Buy it in his name.

Don't put money into your partners (he's not your legal husband) property.

Cassavaflower · 24/09/2022 16:22

My contribution is the cost of the extension to the house and I need to be added to the deeds.
That is fine but if I pay off the mortgage then I don't have enough money for my son. Sounds like buying a separate property and renting it out is the best best.
I work part time and don't earn much but prior to losing my parents I earned well and owned my own house which I paid off myself.

OP posts:
YumYummy · 24/09/2022 16:30

Just read your update , as you aren’t married don’t pay for the extension or the pay off the mortgage.

viques · 24/09/2022 16:50

Cassavaflower · 24/09/2022 16:22

My contribution is the cost of the extension to the house and I need to be added to the deeds.
That is fine but if I pay off the mortgage then I don't have enough money for my son. Sounds like buying a separate property and renting it out is the best best.
I work part time and don't earn much but prior to losing my parents I earned well and owned my own house which I paid off myself.

So what happened to the house you paid off, and why aren’t you working full time now please don’t say you are providing free care for his children .

SpacePotato · 24/09/2022 16:59

work part time and don't earn much but prior to losing my parents I earned well and owned my own house which I paid off myself

Can you not go back to previous good earnings?
What happened to this house and the proceeds?

Buy a property and sort out the legal side so it solely belongs to your son on your death.

You would be a fool to pay off 90% of someone else's mortgage. Even if put on the deeds. You could lose half if legally married, which tbh, in your position there is not a chance in hell I would do.