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Original poster

I can't stop spending my money

22 replies

clementine369 · 18/09/2022 14:14

I've always enjoyed shopping, particularly online but since having my baby 18 months ago and struggling with post partum depression I feel like I've been using the small bit of happiness shopping brings me in an unhealthy way. I spend all my money and don't save anything. I tell myself each pay day that I won't spend but I always fail. I usually spend money on stupid items like clothes, especially for my kids.

I want to nip this unhealthy habit in the bud before I end up in debt and tempted by finance companies like klarna, I am not at that point (yet) and I do earn a fairly decent wage so I still pay all my bills on time etc, I just wish I saved the 'extra' money rather than blow it all each month.

Please be kind, I'm really struggling and I hate myself for not being able to control this spending habit. I feel like I'm letting myself and my children down.

Has anybody been in this situation before and overcome it and if so how?

OP posts:

Sunsea21 · 18/09/2022 14:17

Ive been in the same situation. In my case I was in an abusive marriage and my only outlet for happiness was shopping. I got the courage to leave last year and I no longer need to shop as I’m happy. The point I’m trying to make, I guess, is you need to deal with thr underlyong issues that are making you unhappy and need to shop in the first place. Sending much love xx

Original poster

clementine369 · 18/09/2022 14:18

also when I say I earn a decent wage, I am by no means rich... for example, I rent a house, I don't own my car etc (another reason I should be saving!)

I just mean I earn enough to cover my half of the bills and have enough left over for other things (which I spend instead of saving)

OP posts:

Original poster

clementine369 · 18/09/2022 14:20

@Sunsea21 thank you, that makes a lot of sense and I'm happy you made it out the other side.

Thank you for your advise x

OP posts:

vondutch · 18/09/2022 14:22

Delete all shopping apps unfollow Instagram influencers that's what I done

Binbags · 18/09/2022 14:24

Been there . Whenever you think about spending money .. probably on your phone. Remember this is only important in this moment and the item will be flung in the corner most likely in a weeks time. Imagine how your little one won’t care very quickly . Hardly seems worth it.

busy yourself doing other things. Go to a mum group or the park and try to leave your phone on the car so not tempted . If it’s physical shopping realise you’re going because you’re bored .. and small kids can get oh so boring!

declutteringmymind · 18/09/2022 14:24

Unsubscribe to emails too
Keep busy and distracted.

woodhill · 18/09/2022 14:24

I must admit I seem to shop a lot lately but the things are useful and needed.

I do save as well

TellySavalashairbrush · 18/09/2022 14:30

I do similar but with food shopping. One big shop per week and then almost daily trips for one or two items. It’s getting out of hand. I suffer with bad anxiety and it’s like a release.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 18/09/2022 14:32

Work out what a sensible amount to save is. Transfer it to a savings account immediately after pay day, preferably one with a notice period. Failing that, put the account info in a plastic bag and freeze it in water so you have to defrost it to get at it. That should buy you some time to rethink your spending plans 😄

As PP says look at why you're spending but in the meantime how. Is it physical shopping, online or on phone? What can you do to make it more awkward? Again just buying yourself time to rethink.

sheepdogdelight · 18/09/2022 14:35

Put money into a savings account just after payday. That money is not be touched unless for specific purpose/emergency, so make sure you give yourself enough to sensibly live on.

If you are looking at stuff online, never buy an item straight away. Tell yourself you'll buy it tomorrow if you still want it. A lot of the time you won't.

If you are going out, take cash for what you expect to spend. If you don't have extra money with you; you physically can't spend it.

Think whether something is a want or will genuinely bring you pleasure.

Find a low/non cost way of making yourself feel good. Mine is going for a walk, and having hot chocolate when I get home (on cold days).

LadyDespair · 18/09/2022 14:44

Also if it’s the actual buying that gives you a buzz/release/comfort, bring the items home and put them in a cupboard in their bags, with the receipts and with the tags on. Next time you go into town, return one to the shop; it feels good to see the money back in your account. If online, keep the packaging and most shops make it easy to return.

I started doing this and eventually got sick of having to return stuff (the actual process) and it really helped cut down my spending.

Neverfullycharged · 18/09/2022 14:48

This happened to me, and like you motherhood sort of triggered it. We were in the third lockdown, and having items due to arrive gave me something positive to look forward to. Buying things for my baby also made me feel I was doing a good job as a parent, which I know is silly. So no advice really, but you are not alone!

Hazelmary18 · 18/09/2022 15:09

As other posters have said, transfer a few hundred pounds out of your current account as soon as you get paid and into a savings account (something you can't access easily).
Dont have your card information saved into your phone or autofill forms online. Sometimes it makes me give up with my purchase if it means having to get off the sofa and find my bank card!

shedwithivy · 18/09/2022 15:11

I got like this shopping for my first child when struggling with secondary infertility. He had a year or two when everything was Jojo and boden. I think it is quite common and agree it relates to your state of mind. If it is stuff you need for baby, you could maybe go second hand, although EBay/Vinted can be addictive as well.

Farawayfromhere · 19/09/2022 07:23

Lots of good advice, but just to say this was me for several years after a personal trauma and also having a small baby. It was a release/endorphin hit when I bought things and then I felt disgust at myself for spending more on things I didn’t need (again mostly kids clothes). I also wasn’t saving when I really should have been.

I haven’t totally got on top of it but returning things rather than keeping them has helped, as has realising I’m doing it, as has opening a bank account with Starling bank to create saving pots and have more specific savings targets.

It’s definitely made worse by lots of phone use. On days when I haven’t really looked at my phone I don’t do it.

KangarooKenny · 19/09/2022 07:27

Put your spare money into another account and hide/destroy the card for that account.

Suzi888 · 19/09/2022 07:32

Can you open a savings account and set up a standing order so that X amount goes straight into savings? Make sure you don’t have online access.

properdoughnut · 19/09/2022 07:38

I hear you. A lot of online shopping during those late nights. What I found helped was putting it in the online basket and making my self not buy it until the next day. By which time I'd realised I didn't need it. Also I use PayPal mostly so I changed it so I had to log in with a password and they would text me a number. Anything to add in an extra step. Deleting card details also helpful.

MuggleMe · 19/09/2022 08:48

Definitely encourage you to put in basket or make a note but not buy it then and there.

Can you do some digging and figure out what you've bought and spent in the last 2 months. You'll hopefully feel a lot was a waste.

Put a picture of a nice car as your screensaver on your phone to remind you what you're working towards by not spending?

ScarlettSunset · 19/09/2022 09:29

I managed to get control of this by setting aside an amount straight after payday. At first, I set myself a target of saving just 1% and when I got comfortable with that, I upped it to 2% etc.

It took a while but it made it easier than suddenly putting away a larger amount and so I wasn't tempted to dip into it. It helped me to get into the habit of saving and now I find having a bit in savings makes me happier than spending it all did. But it certainly wasn't an instant switch!

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 19/09/2022 09:41

Could you try getting a Monzo card? You can put money aside in little 'pots' and choose what you're saving up for. You can obviously still access the money, but there's something quite rewarding about watching the little pots increase and knowing that your bigger goals are almost within reach...

DutchessOfMuck · 19/09/2022 10:37

I got this tip from here. Rather than buy the items put it on a list. Before you buy anything think is it a want or necessity?

Put the money you would have spent on the item away.

I keep my list on my notes in my phone. I transfer the money into my little pots in Hyperjar.

I used to be a complete shopaholic but have now went the other way thanks to mumsnet and just see commercialism for what it is. Ive had my eyes open to giving people my money for stuff rather than keeping my money for me.

Reading that back it sounds easy. It wasn't particularly easy as I realized that I bought stuff due to emotional issues. I've kept a journal and worked through them.

I started this in January this year and have managed to save a fair chunk.

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