Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Partners rich parents

5 replies

barneqween · 16/09/2022 15:27

Please no people bashing me telling me I'm entitled. I have been struggling financially for the past five years but am not poor, just frustrated.

After dating my DP for five years we have both just found out how rich his parents are.

We knew they weren't poor but had no idea they were this wealthy, but they're Euromillions rich and have a 7 figure income each year.

My DP is quite indifferent about it. I feel really weird about it.

They are from Asia (trying to be vague) and sent DP to a UK university, which is where we met.

They are lovely people and we all get along. They can be selectively generous but they are also very stingy for such wealthy people. When we go out they insist on paying and we can eat what we like, but the places are all restaurants where mains are about £10, and if its more they will comment on how expensive it is making it awkward.

Due to their culture it's insulting to offer to pay if you're younger, I have made that mistake. I am very grateful that they pay.

They all go away every Christmas. DP, his siblings, and the parents. It's been cancelled due to covid for a few years, but I was invited right before the pandemic. This will be the second year they actually go.

The year I went, we hired two air bnb's becuase it was cheaper than a large one all together. We hired one miserable looking studio for his parents. Then we hired a one bedroom which was a little dingy where DP and I got the bedroom and his siblings were on the pull out sofa. His siblings were content but his parents complained that their room was horrible. I just don't understand with that amount of money why they wouldn't just at least stay in a normal place that reflected your home standards. My partner and I paid our own travel which cost more than the air bnb for the week (we had to travel the furthest.) His parents paid for accommodation.

I have been asked by the parents with my DP to book this years accommodation and they will pay us back. It will cost us £800 each with flights with their chosen destination that we are paying for. I have found three beautiful places to book with come to £23 per person, per night (I think an absolute steal). One has an undisrupted sea view on the beach, two have a private pool, all have enough bedrooms, bathrooms, and a great living space.

I have just been told that this is too expensive and that beds in hostels go for £4 per person. I offered to pay mine and DP share, but it was shot down as being a waste of money anyway. I just don't understand this mindset.

They visited earlier this year (we had no idea then of their income) and they stayed in my one bedroom apartment, with me on the sofa and my parter not he floor. They stayed here for three weeks and it was very uncomfortable. The mum then went on a shopping spree and spent over £10k. The dad hired a very very expensive car for a week.

I fell so sad for my partner how hard he works and how much he struggles. I would just do anything to make life easier for him. Due to cost of living, he's had to quit the gym, and we're thinking of selling the car. His parents know he's struggling.

I'm dreaming of winning the lotto tonight to be able to treat everyone I love. It's hard for me to understand how his parents can watch him suffer.

My DP sees it as their money and they can do what they like with it, and I agree, but I still don't understand their mindset.

They apparently just want to pass a giant inheritance onto their kids and expect their kids to not spend it and pass it onto their kids.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 16/09/2022 19:24

There are 2 issues here.
Firstly, yes it would be nice if they helped you financially but it’s their choice not to so that’s that.
The other one is how tight they are - if they don’t want to spend their money on decent accommodation then that’s up to them but they shouldn’t force you to stay somewhere crappy or give up your bed when they can afford much better.
As for you paying for the holiday an ether paying you back don’t do that unless you can afford to lose it, you won’t get in back or if you do it will probably causes tension if you have to ask for it

MintJulia · 16/09/2022 20:21

Now you know how his parents became so wealthy. Having earned money, they avoid spending it.

It's their choice. You don't share their values. You need to make sure that your dp doesn't have the same view of money or life could get pretty miserable.

I'd book my own room regardless. And stop offering them a bed to sleep in if it means you end up on the couch. Make sure your DP will stand up to them and support you in your own home..

Princessglittery · 17/09/2022 00:02

This is going to sound batty but read the Crazy Rich Asians trilogy by Kevin Kwan. It’s absolutely fascinating about the different approaches to money depending if it’s relatively newly acquired or long standing passed down from generation to generation. The latter really chimes with what you have said about going for inexpensive basic accommodation etc., saving money to pass on to the next generation, wanting children to stand on their own two feet.

barneqween · 17/09/2022 17:31

I do find it really bizarre. My partner is somewhere in-between. Careful with money and wanting cheap accommodation, but spending on activities and food. He would like to stay in the same accommodation as his family as he has only seen them once in the last four years earlier this year.

@Princessglittery I have seen the movie and it is far from my experience but they would have the money to live that lifestyle if they wanted

@Hoppinggreen I don't think it would, they would insist on paying for it as long as everyone agreed first

OP posts:
Princessglittery · 17/09/2022 18:41

@barneqween the books are different to the film. There are examples of staying in 5 star hotels and cooking noodles in the room rather than room service or restaurant. A real contradiction in how and when they spend and save money.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread