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Original poster

Avoiding doing rounds, how to not look stingy?

30 replies

klouda · 16/09/2022 13:17

I'm going out for drinks tonight with ex work colleagues.

I don't drink alcohol and had three hot chocolates last time costing £9 total, yet still ended up paying £60+ for my round.

I just feel sick in the pit of my stomach paying this money. I have savings but a very low income. They are all on £30k plus, I am on considerably lower.

I just don't know how to opt out without looking incredibly stingy.

Everyone is generous and it is all done so casually. It goes round in a circle and it ends up on me.

I do really want to go out. I have been feeling down recently and this will cheer me up.

OP posts:
Original poster
klouda · 16/09/2022 13:17

I also don't want to allude to my financial situation

OP posts:
ClownsOnTheLeft · 16/09/2022 13:19

When they ask if you want a drink just say no, you would prefer to buy your own

Hardbackwriter · 16/09/2022 13:19

You just say, very breezily, the first time someone offers to a get a round in 'oh, I'll go up to the bar and sort myself out as I'm not drinking'. Don't act like it's a big deal or think of it as stingy - it isn't and other people won't think it is.

chipsandpeas · 16/09/2022 13:19

just say im not having any alcohol so will just get my own - no one would think twice about someone saying that

21secondstogo · 16/09/2022 13:19

I have this with colleagues and I say when I arrive, I’ll get mine thanks and don’t join in the rounds at all. People accept it as I don’t drink wine or beer so I get a drink no one else would have. If you just have a hot chocolate can’t you do that?

AlisonDonut · 16/09/2022 13:20

I'm not drinking tonight so I'll get my own.

Slinkyminky22 · 16/09/2022 13:21

When first arriving I'd probably just politely refuse any drinks offers and make it clear you're not drinking alcohol and you'll buy your own as needed.

I think with the way things are just now, people will understand (especially if they're friends) you may find more people speak out about not wanting to spend all that money on a round of drinks.

It's one of those situations that's awkward but also you can't skirt around it!

VinoDino · 16/09/2022 13:22

When I don't want to join in rounds I just say at the start I'm flying solo tonight, you just sort yourselves. Other have friends have done it too, no one minds.

Surprised they accepted £60 when you were only drinking hot chocolate!

Aus84 · 16/09/2022 13:24

I do this all the time, whether I’m driving, pregnant or just don’t feel like drinking. It’s really not a big deal, just mention it on the first round. I’ve seen my DH do it when out with his friends too and it’s never been an issue.

Original poster
klouda · 16/09/2022 13:25

thank you everyone, that feels much simpler that I thought.

@VinoDino they're all just generous and easy going, I don't think they thought about it.

OP posts:
FlounderingFruitcake · 16/09/2022 13:28

It’s totally fine to say you’ll just get your own as you’re not drinking! As long as you don’t accept drinks from anyone when they’re buying then no one will have an issue.

abovedecknotbelow · 16/09/2022 13:31

Oh I'll just get my own thanks is perfectly acceptable.

lovenaps · 16/09/2022 13:32

I agree with PP. Sounds like you would benefit from spending time with people you like, I hope you will have amazing time OP 😊

Original poster
klouda · 16/09/2022 13:51

thank you @lovenaps you sounds like a lovely person

OP posts:
hugefanofcheese · 16/09/2022 13:54

Agreed! It's fine to say you're just getting your own.

carefullycourageous · 16/09/2022 13:56

I don't drink and I just say I am buying my own as I will only have one or two tops.

Anyone who doesn't like it can fuck off Smile

LadyCatStark · 16/09/2022 13:58

Keep it breezy, with a “no thanks, I’m not drinking so I’ll just get my own” when they first ask.

carefullycourageous · 16/09/2022 13:58

£60 for around though Shock

I'm so out of touch.

woodhill · 16/09/2022 13:59

Yabu £60 is ridiculous

woodhill · 16/09/2022 13:59

Sorry yanbu I mean

£60 is unreasonable

PanettoneMoly · 16/09/2022 14:01

Agree with lots of PP. My friend lost her job a while ago and, while looking for a new job, when she came out she just said, up front, that she’d sort her own drinks for the evening and not to include her in rounds. That way, she was in control of what she drank/spent and also didn’t feel beholden to anyone. No one batted an eyelid to be honest

Ariela · 16/09/2022 14:15

When you arrive at the venue, head straight to the bar and order & pay for your hot 'chocolate. This will usually last so when the next round is bought you can say Oh I'm fine, thank you'

AquaticSewingMachine · 16/09/2022 14:17

I'm a light, slow drinker and haaaaaaaate feeling pressured to drink, so I just say I won't do rounds, I'll buy my own. It's a perfectly reasonable position to take and nobody has ever given me shit about it.

FinallyHere · 16/09/2022 14:20

I just don't know how to opt out without looking incredibly stingy.

Don't accept a drink from anyone.

Once you have accepted a drink from someone buying a round, you are pretty much committed to joining in and standing your round in return.

Don't accept a drink.

Go to the bar as soon as you arrive and buy yourself a drink. Make sure you always have a drink in your hands. Keep it topped up with ice all night.

Anyone offers you a drink smile, say thank you very much, very kind etc but I'm all sorted. Breezily Lift your glass, show you mean it, you already have a glass and don't accept a drink.

It might feel awkward but it's definitely not worse than a £60 bill for joining unwanted rounds of drinks. Just keep to it and all will be well.

If any one teases you, don't get defensive join in, say any nonsense but don't accept a drink. Have a good evening.

shivawn · 17/09/2022 02:10

Like others have said, it's no big deal to opt out of the round, people do it all the time.

Surprised they accepted £60 when you were only drinking hot chocolate!

This. My friends and I do rounds all the time but we'd never let someone drinking hot chocolate or soft drinks pay for a full round! I don't see how they wouldn't realise that you were getting shafted.