Is it financially 'worth' Divorcing in these circs?

[54isanopendoor]

I am in Scotland & about to sign a Separation Agreement
(the 1st stage of a Divorce & financially legally binding from hereon in...)

My position is:
longterm Carer to 2 kids: Autism & SN. STBxH always worked, low paying job. I wasn't able to due to childrens needs & his refusal to be flexble about our roles.
I have no savings & no pension aged 54. Kids will need support for another 5yr+

STBxH walked out a year ago. I have instructed a lawyer. I will get legal aid as my sole income is benefits. The pension pot (50%) won't transfer until Divorce (next summer) & at that point I have to pay back legal aid costs as I 'gain £'

STBxH is signing over 'his share' of the house. This sounds wonderful except the equity is only about £20K? (& poss less with economy / 2nd Scottish IndyRef)
What would be left with is a 4 bed, run down house I cant afford to heat. Additionally it is over 4 floors & I am physically disabled so don't want to get stuck. I can't take in lodgers due to benefits / kids needs. It's a white elephant as, not only is the mortgage most of the equity, it is interest only & due 'up' in 6 yrs.

What I would LIKE to do is this:

Offer ExH a 20K chunk of the £ for a deposit on a 70K flat. He takes a mortgage for the remaining 50K (currently in a flat paying rental). The bought flat is put in trust for the kids (HOW does that even work? is it possible?) Kids & I move in.

I sell the ex-marital home. With the proceeds & a 50K mort I buy a 2nd small flat which is suitable for my needs when older. If exH wishes, he can rent it meantime.

I know this prob sounds unfair on exH but he has never worried about being fair to me or the kids so I won't lie awake feeling guilty. It seems a poss way of having accom that is more suitable & affordable. The kids have a £70K flat to live in / sell if needed. I have similar to retire to. exH will inherit some from his family (I have none) & so should be okay. If he's 'on the streets' we'd have to think again.

I'd much prefer to have the Separation signed. Then I can change the locks.
But I don't to shoot myself in the foot / reduce my future options..

It has occured to me that, when I make a Will, the only person I can nominate is exH as I have no family / close friend to ask (as I've been rather isolated).
So, I wondered if it is 'all worth it' financially at least?

Sorry for the length of post, trying to include everything that might be relevant?

Hi OP, sorry to hear about this - it sounds like a difficult situation. Suggest you post this on the Legal section too. Best of luck.

thanks for reading through it all @WagathaChristieMystery
yes, might be better on the legal board (as well, can you do that?)

bump ...

I think you will have to @mnhq and ask them to move it.

Sounds very hard on you I hope you get what you need.

Where is your ex supposed to live when he has a mortgage to house you?
Are there any social housing options?

@Northernlurker
Atm he is on our joint mortgage. I have 24/7 responsibility for 2 young people with additional needs & will do for life so I cannot work. The mort expires in 7 years as its interest only. I cant afford to top it up to repayment. Then my kids and I will need suitable housing (this isn't suitable, but its a roof at least)
He chose to leave. He currently rents.

My proposal to sell up & possibly afford 2 smaller flats would possibly give him somewhere more secure so if anything would be helpful for him.

Sounds like some financial mediation might be helpful

This doesn't probably sound unfair it sounds outrageously unfair. Your stbxh ends up with a mortgage on a property that he is not living in or will ever benefit from, why do you say you will give him 20k as if that somehow helps him in any way, that 20k is for your benefit, and where is that money coming from? You dont mention any shared savings. This only benefits you, you end up with a second flat for your retirement and he ends up with nothing but debt and a vague promise you might think again if he ends up on the streets.You justify this by saying he will inherit from family one day. You cannot assume he will inherit anything. I am assuming you are roughly the same age so the mortgage you want him to take on the flat for you and the children will have to be a short one therefore more expensive and at the same time you expect him to pay rent on somewhere suitable to accommodate the children when they visit, but then say hes on a low income. I hope he gets legal advice as what you are proposing is appalling.

Will the children move to your retirement flat or stay on in the other flat while you move on your own? Will they require carers then?

I think in your position I would sell and buy something smaller and suitable for you and DC. If you're not able to get a mortgage you'll have to rent.

Assuming your ex would like a clean break this is only fair and he's offered his share of the equity. Is he also paying maintenance for the DC?

@wayovermyhead
I don't think I've explained it very well.

ATM there is one larger & unsuitable property. Little equity. Mort times out in 7 years. At that point none of us have any secure accomodation. I am prioritising the (will then be late teens) kids & myself as we have limited earning capacity. Them because they are disabled. Me because I am their Carer (also disabled).
STBexH works F/T. Has a decent pension. Neither of which I've been able to do as he has refused all efforts at compromise over kids care over the whole time. Literally refused to either agree a 50/50 work arrangement or even to feed / change them so I could do part time work / have a hobby / see a friend etc.
I put up with it as I didn't have other options but it was hard (& very unfair)

12m ago, he chose to move out & left me to pay everything via Carers allowance and income support. He doesnt pay maintenance no (this will be part of Divorce)
He doesnt see the kids much & when he does he turns up here, grumping, wanting tea & biscuits (or a meal!) & then makes a big deal of 'going home'.

What I propose is getting 2 smaller flats. Either (pref both! put in kids names) I live in one with kids whilst they need to be in this area for education. He can live in the other. Later, we can swap, so I can live in the one more suitable for when I am older (mobility issues). Both flats would have 3 beds so room for kids to stay in either with either of us when older. Both would be for kids we pass on.

I don't propose seeing him on the street. I don't like him at all but he is the Father of my kids & I'd hate for them to see him like that if nothing else. I am trying to be practical. At this rate, we will all be homeless in 7 years so I'm trying to be proactive about it. 2 smaller cheaper flats that can be used as needed seems ok

Sounds like a plan OP.
Only you know your predicament and finances.

Look after yourself and the kids, that's that priority now.