Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Child maintenance is ex taking the mick???

25 replies

Takeitfrommumma · 26/08/2022 08:58

Please can you give us some advice.... until April DD had 50/50 shared care between us and ex but then decided she did not feel comfortable within that home any longer so is now with us full time. Although she says she wants to go to ex's every other weekend now which is fine.
We asked for child maintenance in May which was completely ignored so at the beginning of July we went to the CMS. Well this really annoyed ex and we found out that they are on a decent salary. The CMS calculated they should pay £580 a month but they asked for a mandatory reconsideration which has now brought it down to £450 per month. Just had a call from ex offering £200 a month but will back date to April. Now stating that the amount of child support should be "what is costs that household to look after that child and not based on the earnings of the non resident parent "
AIBU to now expect the £450? If the £200 had been offered in May when it was requested and we had no idea of ex's salary we would of happily taken it but now it just feels insulting!
What should we do?

OP posts:
No2incoming · 26/08/2022 09:25

Carry on going through CMS for the £450. If you don't need the extra money maybe put some away into savings for the child or towards things like school uniform and school trips etc.

TeddyBeans · 26/08/2022 09:27

Let CMS deal with it. If he refuses to pay the full amount they've calculated they'll move you onto direct pay so it comes out of his wages and bypasses his control completely

LittleLlama · 26/08/2022 10:25

Cost are rising. £450 a month is not an unreasonable amount, so I agree you should carry on with CMS claim.

Rainbowqueeen · 26/08/2022 10:28

Go with the cms amount.

Dyrne · 26/08/2022 13:44

Ex is taking the piss, go through CMS - with the extra you’ll be getting you’ll have made more than the backdating he’s offering in 4 months anyway!

That aside, let’s humour him for a second and pretend it’s supposed to be the cost of raising the child - cost of an extra bedroom, utilities, food, clothing, extra-curriculars etc - I bet that comes to waaay more than £450.

It speaks volumes that he’d rather spend time and energy fighting with you over money; than providing a safe and welcoming environment for his daughter…

MadeForThis · 26/08/2022 16:11

Your dd is entitled to the cms amount.

Pompom2367 · 26/08/2022 16:14

Go through CMS he will stop it and you will be back to square one

VimFuego101 · 26/08/2022 16:16

How can they say it only costs 200 pounds to look after a child? Go through the CMS.

38daystogo · 26/08/2022 16:19

As everyone else is saying. Send an email so you have a paper trail and proof to show your DD that from now on CMS will sort it all out.

Original poster
Takeitfrommumma · 26/08/2022 21:30

Thank you! I honestly think ex thinks we are morons!
They both work in finance and the words used during this phone call were so patronising!Both my husband and I are educated individuals and for them to be saying "let me tell you how these things work" trying to convince us the CMS are useless and notoriously difficult to deal with is actually laughable.
DD deserves every penny and we will not be accepting their offer!

OP posts:
Stripedbag101 · 26/08/2022 22:02

the non resident parent should of course pay reasonable child support to the resident parent.

Out of interest why is the ex dealing with you as a couple rather than which ever one of you is the parent? Is that making things more emotional and complex?

Original poster
Takeitfrommumma · 27/08/2022 08:13

it is not been dealt with as couples it’s just how I refer to our separate households and that my husband and I have had many many conversations about this sometimes it does feel like we are going through it together.

OP posts:
ShedHead7 · 27/08/2022 08:22

Go with the CMS, it's what you're entitled to. If he tries to avoid paying it, they will just deduct it from his pay, and charge him 20% on top as a result. Save yourself the stress, refuse to talk to him about it and let the CMS do all the financial communication.

chillipenguin · 27/08/2022 08:25

Go through CMS. He's being silly.

chillipenguin · 27/08/2022 08:25

Or she sorry.

Stripedbag101 · 27/08/2022 11:31

Takeitfrommumma · 27/08/2022 08:13

it is not been dealt with as couples it’s just how I refer to our separate households and that my husband and I have had many many conversations about this sometimes it does feel like we are going through it together.

Okay so you are the parent in this scenario.

there really is no dilemma here. You go through CMS and explain once to your ex that he must pay the child support that your child (not you and your new husband) is entitled to.

take all the emotion out of it. This is a financial transaction between two parents. His child has to eat, be clothed and live in a home that has heating and lighting. He has to contribute to that.

while I understand it impacts your new husband, he is not negotiating this with your ex, you are.

RedHelenB · 29/08/2022 16:23

Might exdh demand 50/50 again?

CandyLeBonBon · 29/08/2022 16:28

I went through this op. Ex refused to pay private agreement at the cms rate as 'didn't see why he should pay cms rates' so I went through cms and it turns out his salary was A LOT higher than he'd told me and he's been underpaying by £600 a month for 3 years!!

He's now completely cut off from the kids and refuses to speak to them at all. I do wonder what the hell goes through their heads when they make these decisions.

Original poster
Takeitfrommumma · 30/08/2022 08:57

DD is 15 and will not go back there more than she wants to. You can’t make them do anything at that age.
candylebonbon is your ex now paying what he should be? So selfish!!

OP posts:
ABitWooInnit · 30/08/2022 09:01

100% CMS.

Sisters ex tried to do this. He won't keep paying directly, they'll always be an excuse.

CombatBarbie · 30/08/2022 10:01

It's the minimum legal requirement. What were his reasons for the adjustment? That seems a big drop

CandyLeBonBon · 30/08/2022 18:48

Takeitfrommumma · 30/08/2022 08:57

DD is 15 and will not go back there more than she wants to. You can’t make them do anything at that age.
candylebonbon is your ex now paying what he should be? So selfish!!

He is now but has cut all contact with the kids. His decision. Completely ghosted them.

Original poster
Takeitfrommumma · 30/08/2022 20:07

I believe it was because they had included bonuses and they shouldn’t of been included in the gross income. He was able to prove that and so it was reduced. He also has another child but as they both earn above the threshold of child benefit they struggled to prove the other child existed which reduced it further.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takeitfrommumma · 30/08/2022 20:11

I honestly don’t understand parents who completely forget they have children. Especially those who were very much a part of their lives for years before. It’s very sad

OP posts:
caringcarer · 30/08/2022 20:42

He is a disgrace and is insulting your dd. Go through child support and refuse to discuss with him. If you don't use all the money now, save it for when dd goes to uni.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread