My Dad is likely to die soon, and on top of all the emotional distress, I don't trust one of his executors to carry out his wishes

[Ponyta]

My Dad has advanced cancer, which is awful in itself. He lives very near my sister, and we have fallen out over what care he should be getting. I am doing everything I can from a distance to make his last weeks/months as comfortable as possible.

One of the (many) things keeping me awake at night is a fear of being excluded from all the decisions about funeral arrangements, what happens to mementoes from my childhood, photos, etc.

My Dad has made a will dividing everything 50/50 between my sister and me, and he really wants everything to be fair. My dh and BIL are the two executors. However, BIL is a lawyer and I am concerned that he will do his best to deprive us of whatever he can get away with. He is a very spiteful and envious man - not at all what you would expect from a reasonably successful professional person. He is getting close to retirement so may not even care about his reputation; and he certainly has good reason to be envious of us. We are wondering whether to insist on an impartial solicitor being involved with the probate. BIL will almost certainly say he'll do it, but then I won't trust him. What do people think? It can't be that uncommon for this situation to arise. Although the executors aren't direct beneficiaries, obviously they and their children will benefit via their wives.

I am a regular BTW but have changed my name for this - if you can offer any thoughts or advice or links, I'd be grateful

Thank you so much for that, Systemsaddict; I'm sorry you had the same experience. I'd love a big event.

Was your solicitor paid out of the estate, or did you pay him yourselves, as one of the beneficiaries? We thought that if we just had an independent solicitor doing all the stuff a solicitor would do if neither executor were a lawyer, then that would be OK, if my BIL would agree to it. Otherwise, it might end up with BIL doing some of the legal work, and our solicitor checking it? I suppose that's the duplication Hulababy was referring to.

It is really tough, and of course with kids I have a trillion things I would rather be thinking about.

He was paid out of the estate, Ponyta, and then everything left over after individual bequests and debts were cleared went to my mum. Which works out pretty much the same in the long run as her paying for it, but feels a bit different! It worked out as a lot of money - we were all a bit taken aback by how expensive this sort of thing is to resolve - but was worth it, we couldn't have done it ourselves. There were different ways of charging - he charged by the hour, but some others charged a percentage of the estate. I guess it depends on the size of the estate which is better value.

It must be really tough having to think about all of this now, but you are better off than we were in that you can at least be prepared in advance. Despite Dad's terminal cancer, we weren't - it took us a week to even locate the will! It will make your life so much easier to have thought all this through and got solicitors and plans lined up in advance.

I know. I'm having to force myself to do it now - I'm sure I'll be prostrate once it happens. That's partly why I'm trying to tell dh what I would like to see happen, so I'm not just bulldozed as I was with my mum. But it took all my strength even to start this thread today, and at 6pm I lay down on the sofa and went to sleep, I was so wrung out by it! I am finding it really hard to do quite simple routine things; but I suppose that is bereavement for you. Thanks for getting back to me!