Ex underpaid Child Maintenance for over 10 years

[Norrisville]

I'm pretty sure I know the answer here and it's not good, but I thought I'd see if anyone else had any experience.

Was in controlling marriage for 10 years before leaving with our DD. Ex family very well off, I didn't want anything except half of our house because I just wanted to get away. Lawyers recommended claiming for more but I couldn't bear the idea of going to court (he would have fought me every step). He tried to say I wasn't entitled to half of house, even that got nasty.

When it came to maintenance for our DD he told me he'd used the government calculator. The amount was painfully low. I knew he'd lied about his director drawings (£100k+ per year) but again, was too afraid to push things because I just wanted to escape, so I accepted it.

11 years later and our DD has moved in with him to go to a different school that is closer to him. I recently got a part time job and at that stage he contacted Child Maintenance Services. He told me he doesn't need the money but wants me to pay it directly into daughter's account as pocket money. The amount is barely less monthly than he has paid for over 10 years.

I feel very stupid because I didn't go through CMS years ago, I just accepted his private arrangement. And now I suspect I won't be entitled to anything from him in arrears because it was a private arrangement.

I am going to speak with a family lawyer but I can't imagine I'll be able to afford to do anything through legal route. And not sure I'd even have a leg to stand on.

He's told me there is nothing I can do.

Has anyone been through anything similar? Any advice?

Who's idea was dd moving in with him?

It was a joint decision - we agreed last year when she wasn't happy with the GCSE options at her previous school, and she moved to his at the start of the new school year in September.

The fact it was a private arrangement is immaterial with regards to being able to claim arrears - you can’t claim arrears of CMS either, if you haven’t claimed it in the first place.

My advice would be:

• if he lied during the initial Consent Order (assuming you have one) then I’d speak to a solicitor about your chances of having the entire thing set aside and going after half his pension which presumably you didn’t touch? After all this time, that’s a huge long shot - don’t get your hopes up. But I’d just rule it out with a solicitor

• check his calculation. Are you including the reduction for the nights she’s with you? Don’t agree to any further reductions in future.

• are you still claiming CB? If so, quietly continue to do so, if you stopped, quietly re-start, if he didn’t. He has no reason to, but he may have done so (being taxed 100% on it) purely to block you from spite. You don’t have to be primary carer to claim it - though you do if it’s in dispute

• if all else fails, focus on moving forward. If he’s a high earner sounds like you might have done really well out of half the house (even if less than you could have done) so enjoy that. At the end of the day, these are the choices you made and you had reason to make them - so accept that.

Have you not worked before getting this part time job?

Yep I thought so. When we set the arrangement up it was when the old CSA had stopped taking cases, so we had to set up a private arrangement. I wasn't aware that there even was a new Child Maintenance Service until he decided to claim from me.

I'd had irregular freelance work until recently, when I started working part time.

So you were able to work irregularly for 10 years based on the proceeds of half the sale of the house and the maintenance you agreed to? That’s something to focus on if so, to avoid bitterness.

Is this part time job your dream job? If it’s just a job… You could do what plenty of (anecdotally - mainly men) have done before… just don’t pay. When CMS finally catch up with you, which will take an age, quit your job. Then once they close the case, get another and don’t tell him. Repeat as necessary.

Morally though, you owe towards her upkeep, and it was your choice to accept less previously.

Yep @Testina I agree - I definitely don't intend not to pay. Unlike my ex, I want the best for her... I spoke to CMS today who were really helpful and have suggested I speak to a family law firm, so I've made an appointment for later in the week. I guess I was hoping against hope that there might be a known option in these circumstances, but I suspect it will be down to whether there is a legal precedent now. Thanks all for your comments.