Can mother change children surname - just unofficially?

[etcetera]

Hi, this is the first time I use this discussion board and apologise in advance if it is the wrong place. I am asking this question on behalf of my DH.

Basically, my DH has problem about children's surname changing by his ex-wife.

My DH always see his children every weeks since they divorce as per contact order when they first have just after their divorce. But when years go by, his ex-wife keep shorten the time, it is still once a week, but it gone down from 3 hrs to 1 hrs. and some week she did not even bring the kids. Her excuses was children have lots of activities to attend.

During these period, she told my DH not to go to children school, and she does not want him to see children any other time than that hour when she bring them. My DH was receive bad advice and thought that he can't do anything since she might not bring children at all.

That was the past, we got the better advice now. We go to court again for proper contact order. We now see his children a lot more than 1 hours a week. Children are happy and my DH is very happy indeed. He also realise that he can contact school, go to parent evening etc. So we contact school to introduce ourselves to found out that children do not even use his surname ... school does not know who he is, etc. (school did not actually say that but they can't find him in the record).

So we realise that she change children surname. Not only once, may be 2-3 times. Children never use their actual surname which is their dad. First they use her maiden name, then when she met new partner, children use her partner name, and then back to her maiden name and now back to her new partner (of 6 months) again !!!

Before children were so young, they do not even care what their surname were but now they are growing up (7-8 yrs) and this surname start to stick in their mind.

We ask children's opinion they said 'mom said' we must use this new surname to be belong to mom's family.

my DH is very angry because he feels that she brainwash the kids. Apart from that she never asked him and actually try to keep it secret from him. (he was asked what children known as at school, her answer was 'they registered in your surname') Also we never know that she gonna change the partner (and the surname) again. (in average, she change every 2 years).

Sorry for all these long story. My question is what is a chance to get his surname back?

Surnames cannot be changed officially unless through deed poll. I believe it would require the consent of both parties at that age. Probably need wigandrobe to see this and perhaps answer from a more legal perspective!

I knew a girl whose surname was that of her mothers new partner, but this was in "name" only, nothing official but she was too young to realise. Then they divorced and it was really only when she got a little older she was mightily irritated about still using the surname of some schmuck her mother had married for 5 minutes. She chose herself to use her fathers surname because that was her "real" name as far as she was concerned. Her mother had been married five times.

Here's waiting for a more legal minded person to get involved...

Etcetera, I have no idea, I'm afraid, but wanted to let you know I was listening! There are lots of knowledgeable people here, someone will know. I'm sure the might Wigandrobe will pop her head in at some point and then you'll be sorted. It sounds like a dreadful situation, and I hope it gets resolved happily soon.

Thank you for your kind response. I would understand if the father is ignorance and don't want to see the children ... but he loves his children dearly and she should have ask ... anyway, thanks for your advice. At least we know that there are people out there understand us.

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She sounds like a very irresponsible woman Etcetera, to be changing your childrens' names every five minutes shows such a lack of respect for their need to have a clear identity, it's mind-boggling that people do this to children. But there's not a lot your DH can do about it if he doesn't have full parental responsibility.

If he does, then it's likely that somewhere in the divorce contract there's a line which tells her she's not allowed to allow her children to be known by a different surname without his permission. I don't know how he'd go about enforcing this though, it may need a solicitor's letter (if she could be bothered to read it).

Sorry posts crossed with W&R's - much better explained!

Thank you so much everybody. My husband has parental resposibility because they were married. He just knew that when we went to court for contact last time when she start playing up and get it sorted. One thing we were not sure is ... they has older daughter when they were living together and got married after she was born. In birth cert. is his surname though. Would his ex be able to use that as he has no parental responsibility for the older DD?

Anyway, I am so happy that I decided to asking advice here. at least you all will give my DH a giggle when he came back this evening ... especially Wigandrobe comment 'lunitic' :0

or lunatic even --- typing too fase

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oh- my DH just came back and read through this (and have a giggle as I expected). He said he already got parental reponsibility order since they went to court just after they divorce so there should be no problem about the eldest DD.

Thanks again ... will pop in later if we have more queries.

If they had the child when they were unmarried and then subsequently married, I believe the father acquires parental responsibility through the marriage. I didn't think he'd have to go to court for a PRO in this case.

Thank you again for all your advice. Regarding taking the birth certificate to school to proove the children's surname, my DH thought that we have to wait for the court to decide first. But if that is the case, my DH thinks of producing the Birth Certificate to children's schools especially to the headmaster at his son's school which his ex-wife and her new husband are also teachers in this same school.

Yup, if you husband was married to the children's mother, or has a parental responsibility order, she cannot legally change their surnames without your husband's permission, and he can go to court to ensure this does not happen - ie the court will order that they are known by their father's surname and the school will have to comply, by law. My dh's ex wanted to change his daughter's name to that of her new husband, and the court was very firm about this one. If your husband does not have PR (have not read the thread) then he can get it quite automatically by going to court.

I know this is correct - we went through it ourselves. I thought, what a bloody cheek to want to change his daughter's name to that of a bloke to whom she has no blood tie while she has a perfectly good father. Outrageous IMO!

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oh and the stuff about deed poll is crap - you just needt o use the name
dhs has never been changed officially