I don't know how to save

[prixa]

As embarrassing as it is to admit that, I don't know how to save money. I literally live pay check to pay check and now I'm on maternity leave and about to return back to work, I want to save.

I have no discipline. I set up saving pots or a separate bank account but I still just transfer the money back to my main account and spend. I've also tried the "round the pennies" but I still crack and spend the money.

I have about £750 debt built up since maternity leave just due to reckless spending that I'd like to clear off by the end of the year.

After bills are paid, I have £650 a month that is paid into my bank account from the joint account. My husband has the same amount. This is for food, petrol and any other spending.

Open up a regular savers account which you can't have access to

open up another building society account where you put a standing order into it on pay day every month and you don't open an online banking app with the account - so you can't access unless you physically go to the branch

also make a list of all the outgoings and then add in weekly pocket money - let yourself have some pocket money in one of your pots and then if you want to spend or save that you can

keep the card/ details for the other account off your phone so you can't have easy access.
I have a help to save account as I work and get UC. The motivation to keep savings in there is high as you get a bonus after 2 years.
save a little less each month to start off with so you don't feel the need to pull from your savings

OP, it sounds like it's not like you don't know how to save, it's just that your intellect is telling you to, but the rest of you has drives that are much more powerful.
Anyone who looks at their spare tyres/chins and says "oh I must eat better and exercise more" and then ends up on the sofa pissing about on MN eating toast doing no such thing, knows exactly what I mean!

You need to sort your head out - and that's not easy, because the brain you try and get some self-insight with is exactly the same brain that walked you to the coffee shop and made you hand over ten pounds for a couple of drinks and a snack! It's hard work. But it's totally possible and worthwhile.

How about starting with two things : keep a diary, and only spend cash (where possible) - put all your cards in a block of ice in the freezer! Then, once a week, sit down and think, OK, on Thursday I thawed out my card because I'd run out of cash and then I frittered away another 30 quid, .... What led up to that? What happened previously? How was I feeling?

Be prepared for the process to be a bit upsetting - eating or spending too much is often "about" something completely different, something not right in your life, where previously part of the coping strategy has been ignoring it and spending on shit to keep your mind off it.

Good luck.

Thanks for the suggestions :) I'll take them all onboard

This used to be me. No matter what or how I tried to save I ended up dipping into it.
Then I had a health scare. Had to leave my job, claim UC. Money was exceptionally tight. Things had to change. There was no 'spare' money.
We made a budget and accounted for every penny, every little thing you could imagine. Each category had a budget. We had to be really strict and not spend anymore than we had been allowed, if we did go over, that money would have to be taken from another budget so that 'pot' would end up being less.
Amazingly, the less money we had, the more careful we were with it. Then an amount started building up in the account. For once in our lives we were still in the black at the end of the month. But we couldn't celebrate and spend that money. It was all money accruing for the separate budgets, a pot for the car for example, a little bit put away each month would accumulate to be used for, tax, mot, service, repairs etc. But if we dipped into it, we'd be short of the overall annual budget, so although it looked healthy in our balance, it was out of bounds.
We had to really adjust our old mindset.
Before, when it was payday, we treated ourselves, bought treats, went for meals but then we had to scrape through the rest of the month and end up in the red.
It was no treats on payday. The money was accounted for. Instead we budgeted for birthdays and had meals out then but it made it so much more special as this was only a few times a year rather than a couple of times a month.

To do this you have to be really strict on yourself. Have discipline, but have goals too. No matter how little we had, we would always save up for a little holiday. That was our reward! For being good all year.
Unfortunately, we had accrued debt from reckless spending years before too, so any money we could have been used as savings, was paying back this debt, which we're still doing, but over half way there now!
There wasn't any other money left in the pot to save. It was all just meeting living expenses, paying debt and saving for a cheap holiday.
Now, we're in a slightly better place. The debt is still there but manageable and we're not accruing any more, which is great.
I'm earning more now. Our budgets have increased in most of our pots so it's not as tight anymore, but we're still very much sticking to the plan, still no 'treats' on payday as such but we have increased our personal spending money, so we use that as we please as fun money.
We also now save money. Actual savings! Never in my life have I ever had just savings for no reason, but this is a massive achievement for us too.

Everybody can give you tips. But it's up to you. How much do you want it?
You have to be 100% committed!
There's so many bank accounts and budgeting apps out there to choose from but the real work is down to you.

I was like you, and the way I started saving was to put quite a big amount (for me) into savings in one go. I put in £200. Before this I had always put in £20, £50 or £100, but I always really "knew", or believed it was inevitable, that I'd spend it. It didn't feel like real savings. But once I had the small lump sum it did feel like separate money, and I also had a bit of a weird urge to protect it and not spend it. I also had a small sense of pride in not spending it which also helped me. Maybe try putting in a slightly bigger sum initially, as a kick start?

Also I see you're on maternity leave, could you name the pot or account "babynames future" or something like that? I know the savings are for your family not a trust fund for baby but maybe title it something that motivates you.

Sounds like you want the things you’re buying more than you want to save.

if that’s the case, saving will be pretty much impossible, I’d have thought. Unless it changes…

When I first started seriously saving I opened a 95 day notice account with Moneybox. It has a slightly higher interest rate and you have to give them 95 days notice if you want to withdraw your money so there’s no temptation.

I fully get where you are now. I was in £10k worth of debt and used to just say yes to absolutely everything without even considering whether I could afford it. A couple of years later, every penny I spend is logged on a spreadsheet and I have £40k in savings. Just before payday I write in my budget everything I need to pay for that month and transfer my savings into Moneybox. Then I log it all in the spreadsheet so I know exactly how much I have left to spend and what is accounted for where. I also have Starling as my main bank account so have pots for things like my phone bill or travel and it makes it much easier to see exactly how much you have left to spend.

I would highly recommend getting a credit union account. I'm low income and awful with money generally. I've had a credit union account for maybe 6 years and I have my child benefit paid directly into it. I don't notice the 'missing' money at all (which is saying something when low income!)

Typically I take out my savings in the summer and at Christmas. I save approx £1000 per year and I use about half for a summer holidays and the other half for Christmas shopping. It's worked really well for me, so I always recommend it to people who are wanting to start saving.

It sounds like it's not "how to save" but "how not to spend" tips that you want?

My suggestion would just be to make it hard/impossible for you to spend. if you have payment details stored against online shops, then delete them. Put your card somewhere safe, but that is a bit of an annoying place to get to. Get your card once a week to buy fuel and food and not the rest of the time and then put it away again. If you need to spend money (e.g. you're going out with friends for coffee), then take money in cash so you can't spend any more.

Martin Lewis' mantra about "Will I use it; is it worth it?" is worth repeating before you buy anything. Also, if you think you want to buy something - don't buy it straight away. Give yourself 24 hours and then come back to it.

Also, it might be worth trying to work out why you spend - a lot of people get a "high" from shopping. What (preferably free) thing can you do instead?

Set up a joint savings account, both take less per month from the outset. It’s easier to live within your means then. Spending from the joint account especially if there’s a purpose for the money will be more of a deterrent. Petrol is a joint household cost too - personal spends are for work lunches (if you can’t be arsed to bring something from home), nights out with your friends and clothes/hair etc.

It depends on what you are saving for. If it's short term savings, which you intend spending on, for example, a holiday, then it helps to create a simple hand drawn graph (maybe in the shape of a thermometer) and fill it in each month to show the progress you're making towards your goal.

If it's long-term saving, for retirement for example, then pay it into a pension fund instead of a savings account, then you can't be tempted to spend it, as you won't have access to it until you're 57!

If it's somewhere in between, find a savings account that doesn't permit withdrawals within a fixed period. Or, if you are comfortable with the risk, try opening a stocks and shares ISA and set up a direct debit paying into it each month and choose diverse funds that spread the risk.

Think of it as paying yourself.

Firstly, is the £750 costing you interest each month ?

I would suggest that you prioritise paying this off first

When you get paid, pay off your debt £100 per month (work out how much you can afford to pay) then pay your bills

Once paid off

Set up a selection of these
regular savings account
Emergency savings
ISA/LISA
Pension
Premium bonds

What sort of things are you spending on?

The fact you’re going into debt during maternity leave makes me think maybe baby’s dad isn’t contributing as he should?

Op i was sort of like you but I went like amber.

Every penny every month goes somewhere.

So from my wages x goes for food.
X goes to tutors.
X goes to dc own savings. ( £10 a month each)
X goes to our joint Xmas account with a totally different Bank. Same bank has holiday fund.

Then we have different kids savings for school uniform and trips etc.

Then we have our main savings, then a car fund to help towards tax/insurance, a new tyres.

I don't get much for myself every month like £20 if I am lucky. However, when a DC birthday approaches and you know you have £100 specific for it...that's a great feeling. Same with Xmas!!

I have my own bank account and I have a joint account where the majority of our money is held. However,I never log into them and don't know the details. I have the card but I leave that account to dh. Same with our Xmas /holiday, I am on it and have the details but DH is the one who set it up.
So maybe that would work for you? If you ever needed access it would be hassle but it's still in your name...

Save for 6 months, a year and see how it feels to have accumulated that money 💰.

DH errs toward tight, I err toward spend so with this structure we are in the healthy middle!

If our pay increases or we get bday money etc it goes to the pot that needs it the most..
Or spread out.

I will get a small pay rise and this will go into savings and car fund and toward the new energy's crisis..

It feels amazing to have some stability for a change it really does!

And to know if we want a take away...we can afford it.

Delete all marketing emails.
Don't shop for sport.
Delete shopping apps.
Log all expenditure.
Go cold turkey for a month buying only essentials. All 'wants' go onto a to but list to look at after payday with a budget (you'll likely not want many of them). Try to continue this every month.
Treat your finances like a business, income less fixed costs becomes your gross profit, out of that is your variable expenditure and you should have a profit at the end which becomes your savings.
Compete with yourself to save more this month than last month etc.

Change your advertising.

Dont underestimate the power of consumerism - you’re constantly bombarded with efforts to part you from your money day in day out.

When I was really skint, I just didn’t look at the things I couldn’t afford. I didn’t windowshop, or open emails from shops.

I changed my mindset from “it only costs £x” to “I had to spend 5 hours on my feet working to earn that amount - would I have been just as happy being paid with this jumper?”

Read blogs and posts about saving money (not bargain shopping), minimalism, decluttering or books like the Frugal Hedonist.

When you feel the pull of an advertisement think carefully about the feeling that you’re craving (it’s always emotional) - furniture is almost always styled with space around it and it can be the minimal space and light we really crave (which isn’t going to be achieved by cluttering your home with another armchair), or sometimes the item is paired with friends enjoying a good time and that desire would be better met by picking up the phone and calling a friend.