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Original poster

So DH has left, and now it looks like divorce............

17 replies

Staceym21AtLast · 16/01/2008 22:55

.......what do i do, how do i sort things?

am a complete wreck and keep thinking that if i want him off the mortgage im gunna have to sell my house as i dont have any 'income'

please somebody tell me which direction to go in, dont know waht to do!

OP posts:
kindersurprise · 16/01/2008 23:20

Sorry to read this.

I don't have any advice for you but I will bump your thread, hopefully someone else will be able to help.

Original poster
Staceym21AtLast · 16/01/2008 23:25

thank you!

should go to bed really but just cant face it. dont understand why its changed, hes not been here for 3 months, why its different now i dont know. its just all so different now its final rather than a 'seperation'

OP posts:
Tortington · 16/01/2008 23:28

you need to see a solicitor regarding your rights to stay in the property until the children are 18.

this should then give you some time to get some finances in order.

choosyfloosy · 16/01/2008 23:29

Divorcing is completely horrible, like the worst breakup ever plus a lawsuit. Much sympathy, but I don't know the right info, sorry. I think you really, really need a lawyer in this situation - don't make any decisions without some proper advice. Try Citizens' Advice Bureau, or do you have any local mates who have used a good solicitor?

bossybritches · 16/01/2008 23:31

Oh Stacey so sorry.....

First thing is to make an appt with a solicitor you can trust I suppose to see what your options are??

It might be worth informing the mortgage people too so that if he defaults on a payment they know why. They could freeze the payments for a few month to give you breathing space till you decide whether or not to sell.

A chum of mine stuck her heels firmly in & said she wanted the house & a small maintainence towards the kids & that was all.

He was going to argue the toss until his solicitor pointed out she could take him to the cleaners if he didn't agree & it would cost him much more!!

Stay calm try & get some rest then start making a list tomorrow.

Original poster
Staceym21AtLast · 16/01/2008 23:32

don't know anyone that's used a lawyer, except the ones we used when we brought this place.

might try CAB, pretty sure i should get legalaid, but just wish i didnt have to think about any of this!

OP posts:
choosyfloosy · 16/01/2008 23:33

Oh God Stacey, I do know that feeling. for you.

Original poster
Staceym21AtLast · 16/01/2008 23:34

bb, i pay the mortgage already, have done since he left 3 months ago. although prob could do without it while not earning

am on Income support, housing benefit and council tax benefit. in a part buy part rent property. i would be better off in monitary terms if we sold up and me and the kids went into private rent because the housing benefit would cover all my rent. whereas now it covers rent but not mortgage (so i have to find £400 each month).

but do i want to move? do i want to move the kids?

oh i dont know!

OP posts:
choosyfloosy · 17/01/2008 14:34

how's it going stacey - have you been able to talk to anyone? CAB can take a while to get through to IME.

bossybritches · 17/01/2008 19:14

S'ok STAcey don't panic!!! Nothing is going to happen overnight!!

Make a list of the fors & against selling the house & what the alternatives are. Yes moving house can be a big deal for the kids but if the alternative is struggling to survive & adding to your stress (& therefore theirs cos they DO pick up the vibes) then moving may be better. They are much more adaptable than we give them credit for sometimes! I'd still go & have a chat with your bank manager/mortgage advisor. If you show you are the responsible party (&you have by keeping up the repayments on your own) then they will be flexible & play ball with you. I'm sure I'm right in thinking if you defer the mortgage until you sell then the monies owed comes off the final sale price and THEN it's split in half. Therefore it will cost him half of the arrears!

Chin up -it must be an awful time but you'll get there you are a strong lady!!

Original poster
Staceym21AtLast · 18/01/2008 10:14

i acctually doubt he'll take anything from the sale of house, its gunna be minimal (aroudn 3-4k) as its part buy part rent, and most of that will be spent on soliciters fees etc.

i havn't spoken to anyone as i havn't managed to talk to him about it yet, he seems to be avoiding me. but he's here saturday so i shall sit him down and have a proper chat before i go out and get myself paraletic! lol

OP posts:
NatalieJane · 18/01/2008 10:21

Aww Stace, don't really have any advice other than what has been said.

Really sorry it has come to this, and that you have to go through it.

If there is anything I can do, just yell

Lots of love xx

bossybritches · 20/01/2008 08:21

How are you Stacey-how did The Chat go?

oops- bit early if you did tie one on last night BBL

Original poster
Staceym21AtLast · 21/01/2008 16:24

hi sorry didnt get on yesterday!

he has 1 year to sort himself out, in the mean time we are not together but if its not before then there is no chance we will ever be together ever.

dont wanna sell the flat snd stuff till everything is final so have just got to keep my chin up and get on with it for a year and see where i stand.

nearly managed to pull sat, was quite scared, as in i left coz the bloke was trying to kiss me. he was nice and stuff but im nowhere ready for that!

OP posts:
bossybritches · 21/01/2008 21:28

ooh no don't complicate matters Stacey- but a nice ego boost eh??!!

Original poster
Staceym21AtLast · 21/01/2008 21:32

yeah it was nice to know someone wanted me, although had quite a few random offers in the night but turned all down politely! i was just out to get smashed! (achieved) and have a laugh with my cousin (achieved) so im happy.

definately happier now we've had a chat and i know where i stand and he knows the expectations!

OP posts:
bossybritches · 21/01/2008 21:57

Oh good- it's nice to feel a bit more in control eh?

Good for you & good luck!!

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