Am I right to feel upset?

[fingerscrossed27]

My grandparents have recently passed away and in their will split everything between my mum brother and me but leaving my brother the same as my mum as me only half of what they left him.
Now I know it's up to them entirely and that's their wishes but am I right to feel hurt?
For context we all live very close together with our families in the same town and all in regular contact with each other, yes they were closer to my brother when he was small but i am finding it really hard not to feel upset they would decide to do this, they were very much part of all our families and our children.
Am I being unreasonable to feel like this?

You have a right to whatever feelings you currently have, which are no doubt probably amplified by a feeling of grief at their passing and a feeling of been less loved than your brother.

However people will tell you that they had every right to leave their money as they saw fit - which is also true. It’s unlikely that you will now know why they chose to leave the money this way.

Let the feelings pass. Don’t let them make you bitter. Use the money to better your life in positive ways. And Remember how you felt now about equality when drafting your own Will.

If they were closer to him then it’s understandable. Be grateful they left you something.

Of course they are allowed to make their own will, but I completely understand you’re feeling hurt and confused by this - the only thing you can do is make sure you will be more sensitive when making your own will. And try not to think about it too much and become bitter 💐

As you say, it’s up to them how they leave their money, but I know exactly how you feel. I’m one of 3 and last year my mum told me she wasn’t leaving me anything in her will, because I ‘don’t need it’. I am so angry and sad. It’s destroyed our relationship, and even if she were to change her mind I would know it was only because I’d made a fuss. I just feel less worthy and like I’m being penalised for having done well. One of my siblings is a borderline alcoholic……but somehow he ‘needs’ it more than me or my children.

I will never understand why people do this when all it is going to do is cause friction amongst family members who for the most part get along. Why would anyone want to cause havoc after they have died. I get that there are exceptions but for the most part there is no reason for this. I have seen this happen 3 or 4 times and it is really sad to see families fall apart when they are already grieving. I hope you and your brother can maintain your relationship op.

It definitely sounds hurtful. Have you any idea why they have done this? Is it some sort of old-fashioned male / female thing?

Yeah I am really struggling to see why they would when I would imagine they would have known it would cause problems afterwards, we are all grieving it's really hard. I am worried about it affecting my relationship with my brother we live literally doors away, I am trying really hard not to be bitter.
There really is no reason other than I guess they looked after him more when he was small as my brother is 10 years older than me and he has been stay at home dad for last few years so has helped theM more when I haven't been able to as much as I work full time with small children, he is also financially much better off than me.
I'm really struggling, I feel sorry for my mum too she wouldn't want this.

I feel bad for even feeling like this as I expected my mum to be left everything but it's just the different treatment of me and my brother, him and my mum are the only family I have, we were all close of so I thought ☹️

You should not feel bad. Whatever reason they thought they had, it’s definitely hurtful to do this.

It would have been nice had they explained their thinking in their will. Could it be that they just thought that you were doing OK, while your brother was struggling?

Do I understand this correctly - your brother got 50% and you and your mum each 25%? I guess your mother can ‘fix’ this by giving her 25% to you. Or changing her own will to leave more of her estate to you.

My brother and mum both the same amount and me half of this, my mum has said she would put right in her will yes but the whole thing just seems awfully sad

I understand why you feel that way OP. Your mum obviously does too as she feels she has to make it right in her will.

I'm AIPW as part of my job and come across situations like this occasionally but ultimately it's their wishes but it does cause hurt.

Sometimes there's very good reason but this doesn't sound like one of them.

you have a right to your feelings, its such a shame that they felt the need to treat you differently.

I don’t know I get how hurtful this is but if your brother did a lot more for them during the later years and had a more carer role I can sort of see why they did that. Perhaps they felt that they wanted to remunerate him for that?

Yes to an extend I guess that could be, he has helped as in taken them out for lunch where they pay, helped with shopping gardening meals so this could be true, having said that they paid him for this at the time which is part of the reason he didn't have to work, me and my mum both disagreed with this too, he was their favourite so that's the reason I guess!

If everyone agrees, you can change the split now. Deed of variation.