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Original poster

When do I stop paying child maintenance

28 replies

Molllly · 06/07/2022 20:25

Hi all

My daughter who is now 18 has just finished her a-levels. She lives with her mother and is working as a gymnast instructor and will hopefully be going to Uni in September if she gets the grades she needs. They live about 300 miles from myself.

My plan is to transfer the child maintence money from her mum to herself to help her whilst at Uni.

When so you think is fair to stop paying her mother?

(Not looking forward to the conversation with her mum)

OP posts:
LilyMarshall · 06/07/2022 20:27

Maybe october.

Where is she going to be staying during the holidays?

LilyMarshall · 06/07/2022 20:28

Just checked. It seems to be 20

Broink · 06/07/2022 20:28

I think that sounds ok, I don’t have any experience, but have a chat with the mum and see what she says. Will your daughter go to you in the holidays or her mum, as there will be the cost of upkeep for whoever’s home she goes back to.

LargeLegoHaul · 06/07/2022 20:32

31st August when they are no longer eligible for child benefit.

HerRoyalNotness · 06/07/2022 20:32

We
finished the august after they finished a levels. Already 20 at that point as they’d taken a year out of college. Then provided some support through uni.

its 20 or when they go to uni. So for you I’d say august or if you want to give her mum a bit more notice end sept

underneaththeash · 06/07/2022 20:33

My brother stopped paying last month and ex-SIL was fine about it, but then wanted to discuss dates their DC (twins) would be staying over the holidays until uni. Obviously 50/50.
DB has a new wife and a new baby and not enough space - so maintenance payments resumed.

Villagewaspbyke · 06/07/2022 20:33

Yes - as long as you are giving the maintenance to your daughter

AdoraBell · 06/07/2022 20:35

Sounds like a good plan to me.

CherryBlossomAutumn · 06/07/2022 20:36

October, and also to bear in mind that the Mum will still probably be the person your daughter spends her holidays with and brings her washing!

At least you are paying maintenance to the daughter. My Ex stopped any maintenance as soon as our son started Uni, even though he still Iives with me. He says he pays it directly to our son, which really means the odd 100 quid every 6 months… grrr…

Easterdaffsx · 06/07/2022 20:38

My ex dh stopped paying anything when dc where 18 so I'm interested in the age 20 bit ?
Both are currently at uni . One doing medicine so a long haul amd the other year 1 . Because I now live with my dp they took his salary into account and we get nothing and their father contributes zilch . Not even a £10 phone too up .
It's really hard because just this year has cost us thousands . I've just paid £700 deposit on this years house amd rent upfront until September at £1.5 k . Then Clothes books phone etc . Train passes . Bus passes . Toiletries . I need to add to his rent money monthly when he eventually gets his basic loan amd provide for all his food ect again .
Doing same for dd in London .
Basically my dp who is is very kind is funding them both .
I have asked ex dh ( who I was married to for 25 years and now won't even see his youngest dd ) for a contribution no matter how small amd he doesn't even respond .
So what I'm trying to say is how nice it is to see someone trying to do the right thing . It's lovely to see .
Send the money directly to your child or to the mother . Either way she will benefit amd always know you supported her and it will be costing her mum a lot more .

LargeLegoHaul · 06/07/2022 20:42

Easterdaffsx · 06/07/2022 20:38

My ex dh stopped paying anything when dc where 18 so I'm interested in the age 20 bit ?
Both are currently at uni . One doing medicine so a long haul amd the other year 1 . Because I now live with my dp they took his salary into account and we get nothing and their father contributes zilch . Not even a £10 phone too up .
It's really hard because just this year has cost us thousands . I've just paid £700 deposit on this years house amd rent upfront until September at £1.5 k . Then Clothes books phone etc . Train passes . Bus passes . Toiletries . I need to add to his rent money monthly when he eventually gets his basic loan amd provide for all his food ect again .
Doing same for dd in London .
Basically my dp who is is very kind is funding them both .
I have asked ex dh ( who I was married to for 25 years and now won't even see his youngest dd ) for a contribution no matter how small amd he doesn't even respond .
So what I'm trying to say is how nice it is to see someone trying to do the right thing . It's lovely to see .
Send the money directly to your child or to the mother . Either way she will benefit amd always know you supported her and it will be costing her mum a lot more .

If a child is still in full time non-advanced education then child maintenance is still payable until 20, so it doesn’t include university.

OurChristmasMiracle · 06/07/2022 20:44

When she actually starts university. I would however have that conversation now that you will no longer be paying maintenance to mum from 1st October and will instead be giving DD an amount to assist her through uni. (I wouldnt state the amount personally).

Rapunzel91 · 06/07/2022 20:58

Easterdaffsx · 06/07/2022 20:38

My ex dh stopped paying anything when dc where 18 so I'm interested in the age 20 bit ?
Both are currently at uni . One doing medicine so a long haul amd the other year 1 . Because I now live with my dp they took his salary into account and we get nothing and their father contributes zilch . Not even a £10 phone too up .
It's really hard because just this year has cost us thousands . I've just paid £700 deposit on this years house amd rent upfront until September at £1.5 k . Then Clothes books phone etc . Train passes . Bus passes . Toiletries . I need to add to his rent money monthly when he eventually gets his basic loan amd provide for all his food ect again .
Doing same for dd in London .
Basically my dp who is is very kind is funding them both .
I have asked ex dh ( who I was married to for 25 years and now won't even see his youngest dd ) for a contribution no matter how small amd he doesn't even respond .
So what I'm trying to say is how nice it is to see someone trying to do the right thing . It's lovely to see .
Send the money directly to your child or to the mother . Either way she will benefit amd always know you supported her and it will be costing her mum a lot more .

Why get are you and your DP paying that if they are at university? I don’t think that’s typical, you DC need to get a part time job or at the very least a summer job. I get contributing monthly towards their expenses but it seems you are paying everything for them?

RuthW · 06/07/2022 20:59

Yes you stop at 18. Pay you child if you wish. That's what my ex did.

LargeLegoHaul · 06/07/2022 21:02

Rapunzel91 · 06/07/2022 20:58

Why get are you and your DP paying that if they are at university? I don’t think that’s typical, you DC need to get a part time job or at the very least a summer job. I get contributing monthly towards their expenses but it seems you are paying everything for them?

Show quote history

Student loans are means tested and parents whose DC don’t get the full loan due to the household income are expected to top up the loans. The minimum loan isn’t enough for even basic accommodation at many universities.

DoraTheScottishExplorer · 06/07/2022 21:04

I dont know if its different in England but my auntie was told that maintenance can't actually be forced after the child turns 18. This was a few years ago but her ex stopped paying the month after the kids turned 18 and when she went back to CMS, they said there was nothing they could do about it.

ArcticSkewer · 06/07/2022 21:06

What's the plan for her student loan top up? It's often more than child maintenance.

And what about the 15 weeks she is not at uni? Are you splitting that 50:50 or expecting the mum to pay for her food then?

LargeLegoHaul · 06/07/2022 21:12

DoraTheScottishExplorer · 06/07/2022 21:04

I dont know if its different in England but my auntie was told that maintenance can't actually be forced after the child turns 18. This was a few years ago but her ex stopped paying the month after the kids turned 18 and when she went back to CMS, they said there was nothing they could do about it.

In England, legally child maintenance can continue until 20 if the DC is in non-advanced education. The receiving parent can contact the CMS if the paying parent refuses top pay.

LargeLegoHaul · 06/07/2022 21:14

LargeLegoHaul · 06/07/2022 21:12

In England, legally child maintenance can continue until 20 if the DC is in non-advanced education. The receiving parent can contact the CMS if the paying parent refuses top pay.

Show quote history

I have just googled and it’s the same in Scotland. Link

LilyMarshall · 06/07/2022 21:24

ArcticSkewer · 06/07/2022 21:06

What's the plan for her student loan top up? It's often more than child maintenance.

And what about the 15 weeks she is not at uni? Are you splitting that 50:50 or expecting the mum to pay for her food then?

Yes this. Whats the full plan beyond maintenance?

Sparkle123r · 07/07/2022 06:39

Depends on whether you have an active Child maintenance case, or whether there is a family based arrangement.

If it's a family based, then have a conversation with mum. They are no longer a child from when child benefit ends in September.

If you have a child maintenance case, maintenance is paid in arrears so while the case will close around the begining of September when child benefit ends (normally first Monday) there would still be one more payment due. This would depend on usual payment date. I would expect last payment 1st October (if you pay on 1st usually)

lonelydad2022 · 07/07/2022 06:54

DoraTheScottishExplorer · 06/07/2022 21:04

I dont know if its different in England but my auntie was told that maintenance can't actually be forced after the child turns 18. This was a few years ago but her ex stopped paying the month after the kids turned 18 and when she went back to CMS, they said there was nothing they could do about it.

If the child goes to university
, the CB and the CMS stops.

Londonnight · 07/07/2022 07:27

My ex stopped paying as soon as son completed his last A level. He would have stopped at 16 if he could [ he left school at 16 and did him no harm as I kept being told ]. There was no way he was going to continue to pay anything towards his son.
Son is now at uni and his dad doesn't help at all.

EllieRosesMammy · 07/07/2022 07:37

It depends. Will your daughter be staying at home during Uni or living in student accommodation? Is she eligible for full student finance funding or will she still be relying on money from her mum? Where is she going to be living during the holidays?

I think if she's eligible for full student finance, won't be receiving any money from her mum and will be living with both of you during the holidays equally/staying at her student acc - then stop paying/pay directly to daughter whenever she actually starts uni :)

Polichinelle · 07/07/2022 07:44

My ex stopped 31st August, and started passing the money directly to my DC. I think that's fair. When DC is back from uni, they stay with me so occasionally I ask them to pay for some shopping, but rarely as I can afford to have them here without struggling