family home after divorce - does anyone have an arrangement whereby they stay in the house until the youngest child is out of full time education and then it will be sold? or can anyone advise on this type of arrangement?

[bossykate]

dh has just dealt me another crippling blow (don't want to go into details) and i'm not sure i can go on any longer.

i really, really don't want to move and would struggle to afford even a smaller house in the same area on my own.

i've heard of arrangements whereby the principal child carer, i.e. me stays in the family home until the youngest child has finished full time education, whereupon the house is sold.

seeking any advice on this type of arrangement.

tia

I saw your counselling thread and just wanted to say I'm sorry it's going this way. Have no experience re the house issue, sorry.

it seems i won't have to worry about the counsellor much longer

from what I know it is a legal thing and not uncommon in divorce agreements. Get thee down to a recommend family solicitor for a fixed fee appointment.

Yes, that can be a way of resolving finances.

Without having full financial disclosure its impossibel to say whether it would be appropriate in your case.

Often, the clause will be that the Ex will get their percentage of the house when:-

• youngest child reaches 18 or leaves FT education (whichever is later)

• if you die (sorry to be blunt)

• if you cohabit with another man, after 6 months he'd be entiteld to his %

...or a free initial interview.

If the family home was sold, would there be enough for you BOTH to rehouse? with savings etc? If so, doubt his sol would go for it

Firstly sorry about what you're going through.

It will depend in part of how the arrangements for your children are handled, and what the overall financial settlement looks like. Your dh will also need somewhere to live, near to you for access,and potentially large enough so that the children can stay with him. Hence it is unusual for the fmaily home not to have to be sold if both parents continue to see a lot of the children.

I do have a friend where, after a lengthy court battle, she did get her exdp to sign the flat over to her until their dd turns 18. But typically a family court will look for a clean break solution if at all possible.

There is of course nothing stopping you and dh from agreeing something on these terms, and the court would be unlikely to interfere in such an arranagement. I guess you need to consider what the arrangement does to dh and his financial position?

BK - I think the arrangement you describe is called a mesher order.

OMG - I have not been on here much lately, and had no idea this was happening BK

I'll send you a long overdue email!

he has just come into an inheritance which would enable him to buy a 3 bed flat in this area - i wouldn't be entitled to any of that on a split. so he has funds to house himself adequately without forcing the sale of the family home.

Bk, mail in inbox

i would probably move out of london to a grammar school area if i am forced to sell the house.

ahem! not too many mails please however well meant! thank you

mesher order - and other stuff - here

i do have a solicitor but she seems very keen to tell me what dh is entitled to rather than what i am entitled to. sigh. anyway, i would hope to go through mediation and use solicitors for the bare minimum.

It's not necessarily true that his inheritance would not be taken into account.

The courts look at needs and resources, as in what are the needs of each party and what resources are there to meet those needs.

What you described is indeed called a mesher order. Basically once each party's share of the property has been agreed/decided by the court, the house can be put into the name of either party with the other party taking a charge on the property, that charge only to be satisfied once a specific event has happened (such as youngest child leaving full-time education or reaching at 18 whichever is later/earlier, etc.).

Grammar school plan sounds good, actually.

I agree blu
Sorry your lawyer is not being a bit more intuitive about your own situation bk

hello. thanks for all the advice and comments. thanks also for the no doubt kind and sensitive emails. i will probably not respond and ask you please to be understanding. thanks

i will shortly be asking for this thread to be deleted.

understood

BK I'm really sorry to hear this.

Who has told you that you wouldn't be entitled to any of his inheritance on a split? That is unlikely to be the case. If you aren't happy with the quality of the advice you are getting - change your lawyer. It is very easy to do at this early stage and may save you heartache later.

Basically all of the assets in the marriage will be available for division by the courts - and those are assets which have accrued up to the date of separation. It is only where there are additional assets over and above those necessary to rehouse both parties and meet their needs, that you ever see any "carving out" of what is sometimes called "non-matrimonial" property (eg property that one spouse owned before the marriage) and even then it is arguable about what goes in the pot and what goes out. If the inheritance came into the marriage before separation it goes into the pot of matrimonial assets for division. And bear in mind that the courts first consideration is for the welfare of the children of the family - ensuring they and their primary carer are properly housed and have sufficient income for their needs - and that overall they are striving for fairness.

The property order that you are referring to is (as has been said) probably a Mesher order, where the matrimonial home is put in trust until a "trigger event" happens, which can be death or remarriage of the carer spouse, children finishing full time education, etc. However there is recent-ish case law which advises that Mesher orders are inappropriate where there are young children - because the length of time between setting up the trust and the trigger event is so long that it causes uncertainty. Specifically in whether, at the end of it all, the sale of the house will provide sufficient funds to enable the carer (usually mother) to rehouse herself sufficiently. Also it binds the parties together for a long time when perhaps a clean break would be better. I'd go so far as to say that it is now unusual for the courts to make a Mesher order unless it were really satisfied that the eventual net proceeds of sale were enough to provide for both parties.

I hope this is helpful. There are lots of good divorce lawyers around, and this sort of process is incredibly stressful, so if you feel that your relationship with your divorce lawyer is likely to cause you more stress, then perhaps you should move onto someone you find more suited to your needs?

Best of luck

oh sorry I started this so long ago (and got sidetracked by a huge stinky poo - not mine I might add) that I cross posted with lots of other helpful people. sorry!

hello pph. thank you very much for your post last week. i did see it at the time but was deliberately not posting further on this thread. your comments much appreciated and i do think i will need to find another solicitor in the event of a split.

however, i should say that things seem to be looking brighter this week. i have had a chance to discuss the issue in question with dh and now feel somewhat reassured about the situation. also i am no longer pre-menstrual which helps i think!

long hard road.

thanks to all for your help.

Oh I'm so pleased about that! Delighted. If I can be of any help, do CAT me. xx