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Original poster

Boyfriend lied to me about his credit card

25 replies

Mum300919 · 01/07/2022 08:32

Hi,

im looking for some advise and thoughts on my current situation. My boyfriend and I went for a mortgage before covid and got rejected due to his credit report (he took a loan out before we met and didn’t pay it off)

I then found a letter this week about him going over his credit limit. I knew he had a credit card but he told me to boost his credit score.
He also bought something on Argos Card, which he didn’t pay off on time so now interest has been added.

I questioned him about his credit card multiple times, checking he had payed all his payments off, in which he said yes and he doesn’t use it anymore. I was on his laptop and an email came through advising of going over his credit limit, I questioned him again about his credit card and he said again nothing left to pay.

We both have got promotions and look to be in a position to buy this time next year and we both agreed to sacrifice a few things.

last night I told him I knew, about his credit card - - he still continued to lie and turned it around on me saying I’m nosey and nothing to do with me. Later through the night, he admitted that he’s gone over his limit because he did a trading course, which was going well at first and then went down hill really quickly. he sad he didn’t it for us, to better our situation and wanted to surprise me on what he had learnt and earned for us but now he is struggling to pay it off.

what should I do? He knows how much I want my own house and we have a son together. Should I end the relationship when he was trying to help our situation , but then all the lies ???

OP posts:

Rainbowqueeen · 01/07/2022 08:34

Yes I would end it. You and your son deserve better. I’m sorry

JustTheOneSwan · 01/07/2022 08:35

Trading course as in these tiktok advertised stocks things?

GAW19 · 01/07/2022 08:35

I'm so sorry, I really don't believe his lie, I was with someone very similar who kept up with all the stupid lies expecting me to believe it all.

Go live your life with your child and get the house you dream of! You deserve it xx

devonianBiatch · 01/07/2022 08:37

Absolutely and the relationship! You 100% deserve better, so does your child. It really sounds like you are thriving and being a proper responsible adult... while he dicks about lying about credit cards, debt, and fancying himself as some sort of day trader. The fact he thinks that gambling his money away instead of just working hard is the way to go forward is a HUUUUUGE RED FLAG.

He's lied more than once. He isn't mature. He Durante want to put the work in.

Get rid.

merrymelodies · 01/07/2022 08:46

Get away from this man, imo. My XH burned through hundreds of thousands of pounds, lying to me, our DC and even my parents, while "experimenting" with trading.

Charlieiscool · 01/07/2022 08:46

You can’t trust him. It will cause you so much pain over the years being lied to and having nasty financial catastrophes. Maybe he gambles. I really think it’s hopeless and you need to separate financially from him so he doesn’t drag you down and you avoid stress and worry in the years ahead.

Charlieiscool · 01/07/2022 08:48

He’s also immature if he’s taking loans out and thinking he can simply not pay them back. He’s a manchild.

howshouldibehave · 01/07/2022 08:51

Walk away now-he’s a liar and a spender.

Liorae · 01/07/2022 08:51

Day trading is essentially gambling. Cut your losses and leave. He is a lying gambler and this is not going to improve. I say this as one who usually rolls my eyes at the MN LTB hysteria.

Cervinia · 01/07/2022 08:54

He won’t change, his spending and lying are not acceptable. You can maybe get a much smaller house yourself without him for you and your child. You will never get a mortgage whilst you’re with him.

kewgirl · 01/07/2022 08:55

Sorry to say but you will never be able to trust him
You will never be able to buy a house his credit history is shot to pieces that stays on record for 6 years
he will continue to not pay bills so it will be a lifetime disaster

Hoppinggreen · 01/07/2022 08:57

Trading is a form of gambling and he may well do it again.
This and his lack of honesty over finances means you shouldnt buy a house with him and should consider your future as well.
There may be a lot more loans and cards you know nothing about

HollowTalk · 01/07/2022 08:58

I wouldn't want any financial connection to this man. I also wouldn't want to live with someone that I couldn't have a financial connection.

sunnyside238 · 01/07/2022 09:05

Why would he do this if he wants to buy a house? I'd ask him what he actually wants out of life as it doesn't seem supporting you and your son are very high on his priority list

Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2022 09:09

Walk away, op. Run, in fact. You have been given the gift of seeing him for who he really is, and that's a liar and someone you can't trust.

Welshrarebit75 · 01/07/2022 09:12

He’s already lying to you about money.

It will just get worse.

Undisclosedlocation · 01/07/2022 09:20

How do you know for certain it was a trading course Op?
given the amount of lies he got through before coming up with this ‘reason’ I’d be VERY suspicious of this being the one time he decided to tell the truth!
its bloody convenient that he can turn this round to a narrative of ‘I was just doing for us’ don’t you think?
Ditch him, he’s still playing you. He’s a gambling fool at best and a lying manipulator for certain

PersonaNonGarter · 01/07/2022 09:22

He’s gambling. He can’t manage money.

Do not make the mistake of thinking this will change. Or that you can ‘talk sense’ into him. That’s not going to happen, however great you and your son are - he will not change so don’t delude yourself.

Don’t buy a house with him. It will be a disaster for you.

BabyWhatsYourName · 01/07/2022 09:35

How can he be expected to pay a mortgage if he is struggling to pay off a credit card??

How much are we actually talking? 1k? 2k? 5k? More?

I agree with those saying don't form a financial connection with this man.

TibetanTerrah · 01/07/2022 09:54

Undisclosedlocation · 01/07/2022 09:20

This. I smell a rat that's just another lie.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/07/2022 11:15

"... he still continued to lie and turned it around on me saying I’m nosey and nothing to do with me."
If you're going to buy a house together, his finances are very much to do with you! His willingness to take that line means I would never entwine my finances with his, because when (not if, when) the shit hits the fan you could find yourself liable for his debts.

"Should I end the relationship when he was trying to help our situation , but then all the lies ???"
He is not in debt because of "trying to help" - remember, "he took a loan out before we met and didn’t pay it off". His financial incompetence is long-standing and nothing to do with you.

I don't know if his debt is caused by a "trading course" or the more common versions of gambling. If he thought he could get money for nothing through day trading, it's essentially the same as gambling - the dopamine hit from 'winning' on a trade is identical to that of winning on a horserace. He is in debt because he is a gambler. A gambler and a liar.

His gambling problem is his and his alone. His lying to you is on him and him alone. He needs to admit, to himself as well as you, that he has a problem that he needs to deal with first before anything else.

I would end the relationship. The lying would destroy my trust in him, and without trust I do not believe love is possible. I'd always be on edge mulling over everything he said, looking for the lie, suspicious. That's no way to live, and so I wouldn't - I'd end it.

SunshineAndFizz · 01/07/2022 11:27

Yikes this sounds like bad news.

Sorry I couldn't be with someone like that. Too many lies. Unreliable. Different priorities.

catfunk · 01/07/2022 19:37

He's gaslighting you
He's gambling
Even if the above wasn't true:
He's terrible with money

No fucking way would I get a mortgage with him.

Hied · 01/07/2022 19:46

he said he did it for us,

Of course he did!!

Run my darling! Run for the hills!! You and your kids deserve better!

🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️

Newestname002 · 04/07/2022 12:13

@Mum300919

It would be a huge mistake to entangle your self and your finances with someone who:

• Lies, lies and lies again about anything, let alone finances, which can have such a poor present and future effect on your life and the life of your child.
• With no experience, and without his own personal contingency fund, gambles in order to make money. He might as well buy tickets to the Euromillions as a potential for making money.
•. Tried to tell you he was doing the above for you and your child. I hope you didn't believe this phantasy

he still continued to lie and turned it around on me saying I’m nosey and nothing to do with me.

This ^^ absolutely has something to do with you. You are supposed to be partners and his financial actions are having an effect on your future.

In your shoes I'd end this relationship and go my own way and invest my own funds in my own future.

Don't forget to claim your 25% council tax rebate (as you'll be a one adult household), take your name off all shared bills, make your bank accounts secure from him and put in a claim CM for your child. Check also if you are eligible for Universal Credit payments. 🌹

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