Earn 40k single parent and struggling

[Noncomplyturkey]

Never thought I would get to 47 be earning 40k and struggling financially, I’m JUST getting by, before you ask I don’t live an extravagant life, no flash card or holidays, just two teenage sons with a £1k a month mortgage and regular bills. I have no idea how others in similar circumstances that earn less are managing. My monthly outgoings have gone up by over £300 due to increased int mortgage rates, food, petrol, energy. Child maintenance is due to finish in September too as my twins go to uni (fingers crossed). I’m going to have to get a second evening job, anyone got any suggestions or miracles?

I don’t think 40k is a lot as a single parent with a mortgage of £1000 and two other adults to support, myself and my wife both earn 40k as a minimum and although we don’t struggle we’re certainly not rolling in money, we have to be careful with how much we spend. I would encourage your sons to get jobs so they can start to contribute and support themselves.

@Eeksteek - I went to see Rosie Holt (comedienne) the other night and she said something very true about asking a doctor if he could prescribe proper drugs - not just hindsight and regret!! It's very true , you can beat yourself up with, 'I should have done this or that ' , but we all do what feels right at the time - sometimes it's fine, sometimes it isn't - but it did give you initially breathing space and if you need to make some changes now you will feel a bit stronger and more able to do so . I wish you lots of luck - if there are ways to make it easier on you now - make those changes xx

I don’t know why anyone is surprised at what pensioners receive. The Tories need their vote so will not hammer them too much, unlike the young and disabled.

Perhaps it’s not the pensioners who get too much but the others who get too little?

There are many people like OP who have studied, worked, bought a house, you know all of those things the government encouraged us to do before they whipped any mortgage support away for home owners.

I think the example that babyroobs is referring to is likely to be where two pensioners both have disability benefits, no carers and yes the premiums do add up but it’s not generally the case for many pensioners. There are still plenty pensioners working longer for their money and not rolling in it.

I posted for solidarity, and budget context, not ‘there’s plenty worse off than you’ or for sympathy. But if you found some blessings, I’ll take that! I’m so thankful that DD is such a picky eater (never thought I’d say that!) and I don’t have a brace of hulking teen boys to feed!

Also, I have options. I chose to ride it out. I’m dragging my feet making a brave, adult decision and (to some extent) gambling that she’ll come good. Don’t feel too sorry for me!

When I had only a little spare cash, I was not exactly poor but happy, but certainly grateful for the small things. A warm house, hot baths, a G&T and a home-cooked steak. Now, I’m (metaphorically) cold, taking tepid showers and eating cheap carbs, it’s hard to be glad of the small things when they are so damn small. I’m not actually starving. I have a house. I can get clean. Some people are homeless, starving and stinking. At the bottom of the ladder, the rungs are awfully close together! But, I do feel I’m getting bitter. It’s not healthy and I recognise that, but I am struggling to move forward and I simply must.

I am so, SO grateful for the internet. I’d be a complete basket case if it wasn’t for the kindness of strangers online (and instructions for everything). I’ve had awesome support, ideas, advice, sympathy (and just occasionally) a much-needed kick up the arse! I’d be lost without it (and, unbelievably, I forgot broadband in my budget. It’s £23). Free therapy donated by amazing women for no reason other than they can and I needed it. I’m thankful that there are women like that out there for me.

I've done it too OP. Wouldn't buy a newspaper or coffee. Yellow sticker shopping and bulk home cooking.
Charity shops were my friends I had £500 pm to feed clothe and entertain us there was childcare until they went to secondary school and I was working full time with a daily commute of 2 hours.. DC's are both working now in well paid jobs now the eldest has bought a little place with her bf and I'm planning on my first holiday for about 13 years.
you can do it 👍🏼
Scrutinise every direct debit and cut outgoings any which way.
You're doing great and you'll get there. You're not the first and won't be the last.
💐💐

Why are you paying private health insurance? That would presumably be one of the things that could go if things were tight.

There is an end in sight for you. If you can get to the 3 year point and be mortgage you’ll have a weight off your shoulders. You should also notice a difference when they go in September. One income to cover 3 adults will always feel tight - especially when those adults are hungry teenage boys.

Hi op I'm on same money as you but much lower mortgage but higher childcare as my boys only 3.
It's depressingly hard going and I earn well... I'm praying I get my promotion this month as it will mean I can breathe money wise.
Good luck x

Even with a 1k mortgage, you still have 1.5k a month income plus the child maintenance. So imagine that the peanuts you're surviving on are substantial in total!

If really struggling, then reduce pension contributions for a time.

Plenty of families are not managing on an income far less than 1.5k a month to get start with.

Do the obvious, change supermarkets meal plans, get rid of subscriptions, not buy brands, cheaper broadband etc.

I'm sorry but I do have limited sympathy in these circumstances when you have a significant income.

Could you look at a fixed rate for the mortgage? That way it wont keep rising when everything else does

@TheVillageElder you are all heart. £40k is not a significant income. It should be a reasonable income, but what we are saying is, that that is no longer the case. Btw your example would be entitled to at least £400 a month universal credit if not more help depending on circumstances.

No the 1.5k lone parent would be it get that much uc. Minimal amounts as in maybe £50!

40k may not be buying what it used to, but let's not be disingenuous here. It is still a good whack and then cms on top! So at a guess, she's receiving 3k+ net a month, salary, cms, child benefit.

@TheVillageElder I just put it into the calculator on entitled to and single parent with two children gets £400 extra on a 1500 income.
How do you know how much CMS they get? You don't.
No one is being disingenuous. Would you say a two parent household both working minimum wage and struggling are unreasonable too?

“ I’m definitely going to help my sons out financial even if it gets me in debt”

That’s just nuts!

1. let them take out full loans


2. expect their father to give them money (I’d suggest at least £150 each as you know he can afford that now)


3. expect them to get jobs


4. if you really need money, remortgage to bring your rate down


5. consider a lodger - one rooms for boys coming home (they share) one to lodger

5 makes more financial sense than 4, but is very much a personal choice!

You don’t need to be panicking here!

Would they get full loans if parents on 40K?

Your boys really need to be working. Mine got part time jobs from 15. It’s ridiculous that you’re handing them money, but they’re not earning anything themselves.

Not full.
For a student away from home but not London the maximum loan is 9488 but 7459 at OP’s income rate.
But if you have two, the assumed contribution is halved, so the 2038 difference becomes 1019. So they can each get 8469.
That’s £162 a week!
Hence name saying it’s nuts for OP to say she’d get into debt to give them money.

i think 40k is a good income even with grown kids and a mortgage, I probably survive on about half that as a LP. So it can definitely be done!

You earn £20k and have children and receive no benefits? Are you sure? Plus you're not paying tax on a significant proportion of the 20k.

Please tell me that’s because you’re retired already @Babyroobs ? It’s appalling if someone who does your valuable work has had to cut pension contributions herself because of cost.

@catpoppet With a £1000 mortgage, a car loan and two 18 year old boys to feed? Now?! I couldn’t do it now. I might have been able pre-energy/inflation crisis. Which is rather the point.

Also, no one pays tax on a significant proportion of the first 20k. (Unless you meant that someone on 40k is not taking home anything like double of someone on 20k, which is a good point)

I’m a LP on about 15k, and it’s doable only because my mortgage is low, my house is cold and we do not eat or bathe properly and are just putting off or begging for routine expenses like clothes and house maintenance, and having nothing spare ever. If the fridge goes, I’m fucked. No one should be held to that standard, even if it’s technically possible.

I think one of issues is that the aspirational benchmark salaries we all hold in our heads (for years mine was £25k. I thought I was set for life when I hit that. Both of us on it would have been champagne and cruises in 2000) aren’t relevant now, because of the price increases. 40k is a household of two minimum wages and CB. And you can’t keep an average household in an average lifestyle on it anymore. Even if you could last year. Or five or ten years ago. And our internalised standards haven’t had time to catch up, because prices have gone up so fast, and on essentials too.

that’s why OP can’t understand why she struggling. In my head, £40k is a comfortably off wage. But it’s not anymore. And also there’s the salary, verses the household income. £40k is a great salary if you’ve got two coming in. But if you’ve only got one adult, it’s equivalent to two minimum wage household, where the expectations would be quite different. And yet we’re all thinking ‘great salary’.

I am on my own now as my two have gone off in to the world of work following finishing uni.
TBH the benefits of living alone especially given the way the economy is now is that you have absolute control of everything in the home.
No one taking long showers so much less water usage, nothing left on stand by, less cooking, washing etc etc and of course much less spent on shopping.
On the flip side of the coin of course I have only one income coming in.
My eldest as much as it makes me happy has returned home for a few weeks bringing his girlfriend with him for a few days. I have just done a massive food shop and am determined not to make a fuss of over long showers and things left on stand by whilst he is here.
I get by okay as I no longer have a mortgage, if I did my salary would only cover that and bills. I live quite simply and carefully but dread if any maintenance issues come up with the house. I need a new kitchen since moving and other work needs doing but that will never happen.

No I'm not retired, I am in a new job on a 12 month contract and for some reason they don't let you join the pension scheme until you have worked there 3 months which does seem odd !! I'm not too concerned about a few months gap , but would be concerned if it was any longer than that !

Ah! Strange rule @Babyroobs Glad to hear you haven’t been priced out of your own pension anyway.

I agree with OP. It’s impossible. Net income £2200 per month sounds right from gross £40Kaccording to salary calculator uk, obs depending on pension contributions. Take off the £1K for morrgage and take off gas, electric, council tax, water, petrol, public transport and you’re left with very little. Then factor in food, household goods (soap, deoderant, sanitary products, toothpaste), clothing and you’re left with nothing. Forget going out or life’s little pleasures like a glass of wine or trip to the cinema. God forbid a holiday. A single mum on£40K is perfect example of the “squeezed middle”. Sounds like alot of money but it REALLY isn’t. If you earn less of course it’s tougher, but at least you’ve got the safety net of universal credit, housing benefit, full child benefit etc.

If you were paying rent instead of a mortgage you'd of been entitled to £470 a calendar month UC with a take home of £2200, two children and rent of £1000.