A WWYD question with a bit of context. Sorry this is long. Also I know a lot of this is first world problems as we are both employed and not on benefits so very fortunate and I know so many are struggling worse than us. I don't mean to sound entitled and I hope that I am not.
My husband works in a job that has bonuses awarded annually for exceptional work. Last year he was awarded the top bonus which after tax came to around £20k. He was notified about the bonus at Xmas and the money came through in Jan. We were v happy as whilst we both work we have DC and like everyone the usual costs and the money was going to make a huge difference to us. We had a historical loan which we've been paying off, and our plan is to eventually get a family home (we are currently saving for a larger deposit) but where we live (SE) family homes are expensive.
Anyway we talked through how we would allocate the money to pay off our loan quicker and reduce our monthly outgoings which would be a massive burden off our shoulders and allow us to start setting money aside each month for deposit savings, and a tiny bit for a well earned holiday as we had our DC in Covid and like everyone were very keen to get a break.
In January, without my knowledge my husband invested the lions share of the money in some stocks and shares, crypto and NFTs. At the time he says he was convinced this was a no brainer as everything was on the up. Then Ukraine happened and stocks and shares / crypto plummeted. Long story short, we still have the investments but they are now worth a tiny fraction of when he invested, so we can't withdraw the money.
He confessed what he had done at the time. Needless to say I was absolutely bloody furious, hurt, betrayed that he had made this unilateral decision, and without talking to me. His actions have meant that instead of that little bit of security we now have no back up. We now have continued loan repayments each month where we could have got rid of those. It also affects our credit rating which is not great and if we had paid off our loan we would have been able to bring it up quicker. Now we are in a precarious position I feel in terms of credit rating / seeking larger mortgage in the future. Above all I am someone who feels very insecure without a little bit of savings set aside in case of disaster / redundancy / unexpected events.
At the time in Feb we had a major falling out and I took time to absorb what he'd done. He was absolutely out of order and I was livid. He was never trying to justify his actions. He said he had been bloody stupid, and he let ideas of investing in crypto run away with him, and stupidly thought we would double our money as things looked so good in Jan. He accepts that regardless, he should have spoken to me. He apologises every week and feels bad. I'm still pissed off as what with cost of living we are having to really cut back even more now and have zero money for extras. First world problems I know, as we are just about able to pay our monthly mortgage and bills as it stands, but we are really having to cut back in our outgoings, groceries etc. We won't be able to have our longed for holiday this year, and are struggling to afford any extras at all such as haircuts, dd birthday etc. I know many people are in this position, so don't mean to sound entitled at all. But it's so frustrating as we had the money and didn't need to be in this position.
Anyway I've had to decide whether to keep being angry or move forward. I take my marriage vows seriously and whilst he's been a total idiot and disrespected us, at the same time I know in his stupid mind at the time he thought he was helping our family. He is beyond remorseful and everyone makes mistakes. So I'm now trying to move forward with him as a team.
There is a possibility that husband might be awarded another bonus next January. Times are hard so we are not banking on his company doing do, but he had his annual review and his manager said it looks very likely as he's had another great year, is a top performer at work and never has time off etc. If he did receive the next bonus that would obviously be great, but a) it's not until January and b) no guarantees. Husband says he would pay the whole lot into my account. He's not going to make the same mistake again as he's learnt his lesson but wants me to 100% trust him.
So in the meantime we have no savings, no extras, and loan repayments every month. It's feeling really difficult and I'm always scared in case an unexpected thing comes up.
This brings me to my question. Throughout all of this drama I have forgotten that a few years ago before we got married I put £5000 in an ISA account. As I said I can't sleep at night if I know there's no rainy day money, so hence I did this and promptly left it. I didn't think about it as in my mind it was a little nest egg not to be touched. I can't believe I forgot about it but I did. I don't receive letters about it and haven't looked at the online app for a year or so. However i received a notification and I've just checked and it's still there. I haven't told husband yet - plan to do so later but just want to get my thoughts straight.
Do we withdraw this money to pay down our loan and get our monthly repayments down? Or do I leave the £5k in the ISA so we have an emergency fund? I'm torn as it gives us that buffer in case of emergency but on the other hand getting our loan down would help us out each month so much.
I know husband will immediately say pay down the loan, as the repayments are stressing us both out, and he doesn't have the same mentality as me about having a safety net in savings.
What with cost of living crisis I am getting scared basically. Thanks for reading if you got this far.