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Original poster

On good money but still can't afford to buy a house-how is this possible?

64 replies

piddocktrumperiness · 16/06/2022 09:02

Hi everyone
Just looking for some advice really. I have my own flat, small and manageable and I am on less than 18k a year. My DP rents a 3 bed house as he has two children of his own, pays nearly £1000 in rent. Utilities, council tax, car and maintenance take his fixed costs, including the rent to nearly £3000. His take home pay is £4300. He has other outgoings such as insurances, pensions and bits and pieces that take up another few hundred
To me, someone with take home pay of that much should be able to afford to buy a home or save for a substantial deposit as this income is above UK average, but looking over his finances it just seems that his fixed costs are high. He can save around £500 a month. How are people doing it?

The place he rents is not great tbh and he's not happy there but is in a location suitable for the kids and their school. We looked around other properties to rent but rent has gone up recently for smaller space and locations that are further away. If we do move into a different area to rent for more, I'll end up paying more towards the bills even if pro rata as my flat and the associated bills are much lower than they'd be if upsizing.

We'd love to buy our own home, but can't figure out how people save for a deposit. We'd need at least 50-60k in cash. How is that doable? The mortgage on these properties is not cheap either.

I was thinking of selling my flat, but I'm hesitant as there is not much equity in it and I'd like to leave it to my son as his inheritance.

I thought about moving in with DP, we pay rota on the bills and maybe that could help, but his house can't accommodate all of us and I don't feel at ease about renting out my home to pay rent on a property that needs a lot of work and effectively paying a landlord's mortgage. It does not make sense in my head.

How are people buying their first home these days and saving for a deposit? If the average income in the UK is what it is?
I'm looking for ideas or solutions so that we can do this, but I'm not the savviest when it comes to the housing market and thought maybe I could get some advice here

OP posts:
Indigoo03 · 16/06/2022 11:02

No easy

Original poster
piddocktrumperiness · 16/06/2022 11:30

Can I just ask, so I can have a better idea, how much should someone in theory, on that much take home pay, be able to save per month?
I can try and crunch some numbers then

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 16/06/2022 11:56

piddocktrumperiness · 16/06/2022 11:30

Can I just ask, so I can have a better idea, how much should someone in theory, on that much take home pay, be able to save per month?
I can try and crunch some numbers then

When I earned around that amount, I was saving £1,500 a month (and still living a very nice lifestyle on what I didn’t save, so could have saved more if I wanted to be more frugal) - but I didn’t have maintenance to pay. Whqt is he paying there? He needs to really crunch his absolute non-negotiable spending and work out where he’s spending almost £3,000 each month, because it can’t simply be on utilities, groceries and council tax for a single man who only has his DC a relatively small part of the time.

lassof · 16/06/2022 11:56

Why are you doing his financial work for him? As an adult with 2 kids and 20 years in the military, he shouldn't need this level of financial hand holding. It isn't a good sign.

He obviously has a lot of outgoings. What are things like the car and the insurances? Do they have flex eg cheaper car, cancel insurances?

Presumably his child maintenance is fairly high but he may be choosing to pay towards their lifestyles - not everyone pays the bare minimum.

Do you actually want to live with him and buy a place together? One option could be for you to put down the deposit from your equity if he then covers the mortgage, until it evens out. So your day to day outgoings would be manageable and his deposit/lack of is solved.

But you two don't sound in similar financial places and the risk is high for you that you lose your independence

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/06/2022 12:00

If he’s spending a lot on insurances (what kind) then he needs to a) shop around, b) consider whether he needs them all (plenty of people pay a lot for life insurance without realising their employer provides death in service, which would suffice), and c) if it’s car insurance, look at how much this could be brought down if he switched for a lower group make and model.

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/06/2022 12:04

Also agree that this is not for you to try to sort out. It’s his problem and he needs to address it himself. What I very much suspect the eventual conclusion will be, is that he’s just bad with money and overspends - he’s evasive and avoidant about where his money is going as a symptom of the being bad with money.

Original poster
piddocktrumperiness · 16/06/2022 13:13

Thank you all- I honestly don't think it is just a matter of him being bad with money. He really wants to save and sort this out, would love to buy a home and live well. I think as PP said on here not buying a small home when younger and therefore needing to buy a family home now is an issue, but we are where we are.

I know it's his responsibility but I'm better at finances and am happy to help so don't mind looking into it all, especially as it may have an impact on me.

I am thinking that car and insurance is an issue. He thinks that he may be able to get a tesla at work, but they will only cover MOT repairs and service, leaving him to cover the car cost per month and the electric. He says it might be £200 cheaper per month than what he is paying now, which is £400 on car, plus insurance.

If not I think he should just downsize the car. In terms of moving to a more affordable place, looking at rental properties of a 2 bed is only 170 less a month, which granted is money saved, but he'll be getting a small space, where his kids would have to bunk share, and again- no room for us. Still, an option nonetheless.

It feels a little deflating but I'm sure something can be done. We can't be the only ones like this :)

Really appreciate the input everyone :)

OP posts:
Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 16/06/2022 13:21

We did it by working stupid hours. So my Dh regularly does 75 hour weeks paid hourly and all bank holidays and every weekend for the higher pay rates (two days off mid week). Whilst I worked two or three jobs often doing 100 hours a week.
We don’t have children. Which made this doable. It’s ridiculous.

lassof · 16/06/2022 13:23

I don't understand your investment in 'we' here. He could sort himself if he wanted to. Eg buy a car for £2k instead of renting for £5k per year. It's all choices.

Your salary is extremely low, another starting point could be looking at vastly increasing your wages so that you are on a more even footing if you do come to share finances. As it is, you would be a dual income family of 3 children on a very average overall salary. Without significant previous capital behind you both, it's going to be really hard to get somewhere big enough for you all. Perhaps he could help you with ideas there, as he has done well on his own salary.

Winter2020 · 16/06/2022 13:26

I don't understand what you are saying about the car. A quick google finds a Tesla hire contract at £527 a month. With an initial payment of £5000 and no maintenance inc. Is the car a perk through work and subsidised? Is the payment you are talkibg about the tax on having a car as a benefit in kind. You are not going to be able to buy a Tesla (or hire one) for £200 a month I really don't think.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 16/06/2022 13:27

Well they tend to buy as couples, without kids and a starter house after saving for years. He can save £6k a year so over 3.5years that's £21k. If two people do that they save £42k over 3.5 years.

Then they buy.

Floralnomad · 16/06/2022 13:30

It sounds to me like you have very different priorities for spending , your partners outgoings sound huge if he has 2k going out excluding rent and his answer is he can get a Tesla ! It sounds to me like he is less interested in getting a house than you are . I certainly wouldn’t sell your flat to merge finances with someone who has such a vastly different financial outlook .

MercurialMonday · 16/06/2022 13:31

People do it by saving more money, increasing their income, moving to a less expensive part of the country, or buying a house before they have expensive outgoings like children.

Our first buy was a family home - over 10 years ago so now more expensive to buy - and we already had two children. However we'd save the bulk of the deposit pre kids and save hard over 10 year (no family help of living rent free) - had a really small wedding as didn't want to spend money there (we paid for our own wedding) and moved to part of the UK with cheaper housing.

The main thing would be to save as much as possible for deposit - but children are expensive and do need more space which does make it all harder - all I can suggest is tracking spending and try and cut where possible.

catfunk · 16/06/2022 13:37

It sounds like he's a bit clueless with finances tbh and I'd be wary of being financially tied to him.
What did he do with his military salary all those years if he was living in subsidised accommodation ?
Why does he pay CM if he had them 50%?

TheWayoftheLeaf · 16/06/2022 13:40

Also do you have no way to up your income? Less than £18k a year is below the living wage which won't help

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/06/2022 14:16

I think people are urging you to be cautious about merging your lives financially because his figures just don’t stack up. On £18,000 (and assuming you contribute to a pension) you’ll be taking home around £1,250 a month I assume. Even after he’s paid his rent, your boyfriend is left with £3,300 - which means he’s claiming to be spending two and a half times your entire monthly income on basically maintenance, utilities, and his car. Even taking his divorce into account, on a salary of what I’d roughly calculate as around £75,000 he should have more to show for himself than a rented house, a leased car and an empty savings account which he claims not to be able to add much to.

Testina · 16/06/2022 21:34

It’s possibly to be on good money but not have a deposit if…


  • you chose to piss away an amazing opportunity to save (the several serving and ex forces people I know squirrelled loads away paying peanuts for barracks and having little to spend money on in the ME and elsewhere)

  • you want to piss £400 a month up a wall on a car

  • you choose a holiday in Santorini over saving for a deposit


Whilst I’m all for partnership and playing to strengths, at 41 and earning £75K+ and having served in the ME… I’d just want to date someone that had more about him than having his girlfriend pick up his outgoings.

The numbers don’t stack up. His take home reflects a £75K salary, but he’s paying a pension as one of his post tax outgoings? How much? Why isn’t he saving that for a house deposit? (Not that I’d want to give up the 40% tax relief, but if he wants a house…)

£2K outgoings on top of £1K? There’s a lot of choices in there. And then he’s still got £1300.

There are people who can’t afford to buy a house. He’s not one. It’s all choices.

Testina · 16/06/2022 21:39

You can’t be that in savvy about housing when a search as you’ve got 3 properties in your name currently. Odd situation all round.

Honestly though… don’t rush to share a house when it means combining teens (it’s not always great for them) and you haven’t been together long anyway. I can’t quite work out from your other posts whether this is the one you dumped in July or a new one. I just get a sense that you’re pushing something here that’s not ideal.

Moonchair1 · 16/06/2022 22:02

I think he would be better off getting a mortgage as it’s cheaper monthly payment than renting
my mum was paying £450 rent so she decided to mirage it from the council and it’s only £200 a month now x

Moonchair1 · 16/06/2022 22:02

Mortgage it from council*

holidayelbow · 16/06/2022 22:02

What did he do with his pension lump sum from the military?

Testina · 16/06/2022 22:14

Moonchair1 · 16/06/2022 22:02

I think he would be better off getting a mortgage as it’s cheaper monthly payment than renting
my mum was paying £450 rent so she decided to mirage it from the council and it’s only £200 a month now x

@Moonchair1 what is mortgaging it from the council?

The only thing I can think of is someone exercising Right To Buy.

Which not everyone is entitled to do, and certainly not when privately renting.

Can you explain please?

megletthesecond · 16/06/2022 22:17

Do not sell your flat. Especially as you aren't married.

NotDavidTennant · 16/06/2022 22:30

TBH I think love is making you blind here. He's had years in the military that he could have been building up a nest egg. And he could be saving a decent amount now if he cut back his lifestyle. Instead he is thinking about getting a Tesla!

Parkingt111 · 16/06/2022 22:41

we are just in the process of buying our first home which is a family home our but then again it took us around 5 years to save for a deposit as we have been private renting

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